Living Alyce

Oh, Yeaaah...

2011-01-13T02:07:00.002-07:00

I tend to neglect this blog, especially after discovering tumblr... But tumblr is more like a mini-blog with awesome people. Or. Something.

Anyway, just wanted to share some awesome stuff with you.

My dear friend Rachel has recently started an art blog. So far she only has a few posts up, but there is an awesome sketch of yours truly, and another great sketch of the beautiful Dia Frampton. So check out Rachel's Art Blog and follow her if you're interested. You won't be disappointed, she is very talented.

Also, if you are a fan of Meg & Dia then you should really consider joining the new Meg & Dia Fan Boards! I actually created them and most of the band are actually members themselves! It's a great community with some great people and we have some really great exclusive downloads and information/news on the band! So you should join!

My birthday may or may not be next month and I may or may not have always wanted a surprise birthday party. Not that anyone ever reads this...

Anyway! I hope that everyone had a grand holiday and continues to have a grand year!

Keep on keepin' on!

Alyce

Came as a Surprise...

2010-11-18T02:36:00.002-07:00

I was checking my Blog Stats for this blog.

And holy crap! I had no idea that my blog was as popular as it actually is or that people had actually bothered to search for it! I was like, "Whoa. People actually enjoy... reading this shit? Cool!"

So on that note, I will post more often and I will try to plan out my posts more... Rather than all those "I just wanted to rant for a moment" type posts.

So here's to more well put together posts! Huzzah!

Cheers!

Alyce

The Cycle

2010-10-24T00:13:00.001-06:00

Life is a plot that spins and spins.
Why is it so hard to accept life as it happens?
You said, “Well, it really just depends.”
I say, “Love is a circle…”
“And it never ends.”

So live in the cycle,
See if I care.
History,
I’ve had enough of my share.
So live in the cycle,
See if I care.

I’ve seen it once.
I’ve said it again.
I’ve said it once.
I’ve seen it again.
I say, “Life is a circle…”
I repeat, “and it will never end.”

Flow in the cycle, never end.
Same thing, over and over again.

Flow in the cycle, never end.
Same thing, over and over again.

So live in the cycle,
See if I care.
History, I’ve had enough of my share.
Live in the cycle,
See if I care.
So, Live in the cycle,
I won’t care.

Flow in the cycle, it won’t end.
Over, and over, and over again.

((It is, in fact, supposed to be repetitive. Enjoy!))
Cheers!
Alyce

Don't Let It Get To You

2010-10-23T20:45:00.002-06:00

Yo.

That's my best friend's favorite word. Just, "yo." It's so short, so simple. I mean, is yo even a real word? When did people start saying yo?

Anyway, it sort of says a lot about her. She's such a different person, and you have no idea how she got to be as who she is. She's different, and awesome, and I couldn't ask for a better friend.

Anyway. Sometimes life does things. It wants to get to your head, bring you down, or... something of the sort.

When this happens to me, I like to think of what my friend would say. She's always so clever and so funny. I love having her around. You should always keep around the people who make you happy.

If someone doesn't make you happy, you probably shouldn't keep them around. Not a good relationship.

But still, life goes on and no matter what is going on that's bringing you down... Just don't let it get to you. It's not worth it.

Throw on some music, do a little dance, and move on with your life. The more fun you have, the better it will be.

South of Eden

2010-09-20T06:23:00.000-06:00

I hate knowing that I've let you in, only to hurt you.

No matter which way I turn, I'm the bad guy. Except for maybe from my point of view, but... No. There is still guilt.

Guilt molded by indifference. My indifference to you.

I think I'm inspired. For the first time in a very, very long time. I think my complete and total lack of feeling actually towards something caused me to feel again... Or... something.

"I wonder what you would say if I walked up to you today and confessed that I feel nothing. Well, not nothing. I do love you. As much as a friend can love someone they've known for most of their lives.

But do I smile over just knowing you're standing somewhere nearby? Do I want to be near you? Spend all my time with you?

Time is an important thing.

No. No I don't.

For a long time I was told that I was 'The Heart.' People have told me that they've never known anyone quite as empathic as I, but I doubt the truthfulness behind those words. It's impossible to understand another's heart when you lack one of your own."

Writer's... Block?

2010-09-08T05:35:00.002-06:00

This is me, forcing myself to write.
It's been a long time, and it's starting to make me ill.

My senior year of high school, as great as it was, still had it's... Lameness. I've always prized myself on my writing, and near the beginning of the year I wrote a lot. I even became the Prose Editor of my school's literary magazine. (Who could ask for more, right? Allow me my bit of selfishness.) I think I just sort of expected to be in the magazine. I believed myself a good writer, so I thought that something I wrote would get it.

I entered five stories. Five. And I got nothing out of that.

So I've been really self conscious ever since. Maybe I just didn't push it enough? No one in my group ever gave me a real answer as to what they thought of the stories. I know that my teacher liked them, she'd read them and was later shocked upon realizing that I wasn't in the magazine.

It sort of just makes me wonder. All those things I wrote that my friends and teachers praised, were they really any good? I know that my Ad. Lit teacher mentioned that all of my teachers talked about what a great writer I am, but... Well, I don't know.

So here I am. Forcing the words. Forcing them. I haven't had to do this in a long time. They used to flow. Now they are reluctant and my stomach churns with each word I let out. Like I'm afraid. Afraid of something I really enjoy doing.

Expect a forced story soon. Probably something short and terribly lame for nothing else than to just get my mind functioning once more. If I expect to try writing as a career choice, then I seriously need to get my marbles back.

So, until then. This is Alyce signing out... or... something.

Alyce

Connected

2010-08-15T17:54:00.001-06:00

I believe that we are connected.
But if you’ve been reading my blogs, you already know this.

I know that I somehow have something to do with that stranger that I walk past on the street. Maybe something I’ve said to a close friend once upon a time has traveled all the way to this stranger’s ears and has made some sort of a difference in their life.

You know, you can all me crazy. But this is what I believe.

So I’m writing my next story about this. I’m going to choose a few of my already written short stories and bring them together into one novel with some other new material. All these stories will be connected in one way or another.

It sort of reminds me of “Bleed” by Laurie Faria Stolarz. All the characters in that book were connected in one way or another. I loved that book. We do in fact, all bleed.

That’s all I really have to say for now. Expect some stories from my Connected Project to show up on my SeventeenthStar blog soon!

Smile,
Alyce

Listening To:
“Paper Bag” – Anna Nalick

Guitar Lessons

2010-08-02T03:01:00.001-06:00

Yes. I am finally taking lessons. From a teacher I actually like. Haha.
My first teacher was the owner of the store that I bought my acoustic guitar from. At my first lesson he spent half the time talking to a couple of kids about... well, it doesn't really matter. He spent the other half of the time just sort of blankly staring at the wall as he spoke. The only time he looked at me was when he was looking down on me. I hated that he had an air of "I'm so much better than you." Needless to say, I didn't learn much.
Now I know that you're probably wondering who my new teacher is... (Or not, I just like to think you are to lead up to this great announcement...) It's Meg Frampton from Meg & Dia! No joke! She's my new guitar teacher! And she's great! She charges about the same as my first teacher, but I can tell that she actually wants to teach me. It's not all about the money, and I feel a lot more comfortable with her.
I can't even tell you how great it is to be learning from my idol. I never imagined this. Ever. It only makes me that much more excited to learn. Meg told me to practice for at least fifteen minutes a day and I probably practice for an hour every day now. Hahaha.
By the way, she practices for three hours a day. She said that she mostly does warm ups while watching movies, but that's still amazing. Only reminds me why I love MaD so much. Their love for music is fantastic.
That's really the most exciting thing going on in my life right now. I'll be attending college come winter semester and after I finish my generals at the community college, I'm going to SUU. I'm really excited, but sort of freaked at the same time. Whatever happens, I hope that I can continue taking lessons from Meg. After MaD tours and everything. Haha.
But music comes first, as that is what I want to do with my life, after all.
I used to want to be an English Teacher, but that was until I watched the school district turn into a sinking ship this year. It was like in Pirates of the Caribbean when the ship is sinking and Jack Sparrow gets off right before it goes under. The ship was the district, teachers, and all the students and the Seniors who graduated this year were Jack. Oh well, at least we got out before the worst of it. It still makes me sad, though. I hope to raise my kids here in Utah some day, but if the Education system is all out of whack, then... Well, that gives me second thoughts.
ANYWAY. Back to the point. My guitar lessons. I suppose my point is, I never thought that I could be taking guitar lessons from Meg Frampton, but I am. It makes me that much more optimistic towards the future, but I made it happen by actually doing something. Your luck won't change unless you put yourself out on the line. I put mine on the line (sort of) by asking MaD on their formspring if Meg would be willing to give lessons.
Lucky me. (Seriously. I feel so lucky!)
Also, luckier! Christy paid for my first lesson because she knew how much it meant to me and my father refused to pay, but he's actually changed his tune and now he's going to pay until I get a job!
Alyce's Checklist:

Get a Job
Sign up for College
Redecorate my room
~~Guitar Lessons~~ (Started!)
Piano Lessons
Get xbox live gold
Paint my guitar case ((<—Almost dne!
Get a metronome
Do a photoshoot downtown! (For REAL. All day!)
Finish my “Music Inspired” Photo Series!

Until next time!

Alyce

Things you should check out:

Meg & Dia dA Fanclub!
Take a gander at some MaD inspired art!
My tumblr!
Nothing much yet, but I’m planning on making it better in time.
The New MaD Boards!
Meg & Dia fan? Dying to chat with some other MaD fans? Join the boards!
Meg & Dia's Bandcamp!
You can listen to almost any MaD song ever here. You can also buy most of their songs! Sound quality is tons better than MySpace.

“You’re more than a small town/You’re more than a small soul.” – ‘The One’ by Meg & Dia

Formspring

2010-07-07T02:50:00.002-06:00

Notice that little "Ask Me Anything" box to the right over there? At the bottom, I think.

Well, you can ask me any question there and I will answer it, but I think that someone asked me a question and I didn't get to read all of it. So if you sent me a question about four or five weeks ago...

Well, here's the question. I would like to know all of it, because if it it really something that someone wants to know, I would love to answer it for them.
The Question:

"hey there:).though it was a lot of text to read,it has really worth it!(i hope my eyes won't start screaming).i'm curious who are you.no,not the adress and age answer,i want the truth...by the way,you aren't the only person in the world who has noticed ho"

So if you asked me this question, I would love to hear all of it and answer it for you. Just lemme know, alright?

-Alyce

The Little Things

2010-07-07T01:54:00.003-06:00

I love to learn more about people. Even the most mundane things make me feel like I know a person a little bit more, that they're handing a little piece of their life over to me.

I'd love to know more about you. So here's my challenge! Either comment on this or send me a message to SeventeenthStar@gmail.com with a list, however large or small, of the most mundane things about you. Or things that most people don't know. Either because you don't mention them in normal conversation, or maybe because you just don't think of it that often.
I think that I'd like to try to make a video or something of it, so I will be making a video on my account soon asking for submissions so I can compile a video of what I think are the most mundane but interesting things about people. :)

My List:
I only eat the pink and red Starbursts. I don't like the others.
I only like peanuts in candy bars.
I tend to get obsessed with things really easily... Some past obessions are: Charmed, Michelle Branch, Hikaru Utada, Final Fantasy, Anime, and currently Meg & Dia.
My favorite show right now is Better Off Ted, but it was cancelled. :(
I'm afraid of the dark.
Whenever there's a thunderstorm, I hide in the basement because I am afraid.
I love to make friends with people that I'll probably never meet over the internet because it makes me feel special.
I really hate Rap. Except for Eminem. He's pretty cool.
I consider Fighting for Nothing by Meg & Dia to be my theme song.
I only let people that I really trust listen to MaD when we drive in my car.
My favorite color is blue, but it's that precise electric blue of the deep ocean when the sun and the weather is just right.
I think that Yellow and Orange are really obnoxious colors.
Tinkerbell gives me nightmares.
I want to write, but I really want to be a lyricist when I grow up. :3
I actually don't hate Twilight. It's decent, I just like other books a lot more.
I started reading classics because I wanted people to think I was cool and smart, now I really do love them.
I'm terrified of relationships, or anything that smells like one.
I really like chicken. It could possibly be my favorite thing ever.
I also really love rice. Give me chicken and rice, and I'm a happy girl.
I always put the lid on the toilet down before I flush because of something that someone told me when I was in the third grade.
I obsessively wash my hands.
I have bad morning breath.
Everywhere by Michelle Branch has been my favorite song for as long as I can remember. More now just for the memories it brings back.
I don't like s'mores, but I like all the ingredients for them when they're separated. :/
I love purple, it's just an awesome color. Red is cool too. Purple must be cool because it has Blue and Red, but I prefer to call it violet. Sometimes I wonder if there's a difference.
I hate to wear shoes, I think better when I'm not wearing them.
But I do like socks.
I've never been kissed.
I'm really selfish, but I'm okay with it because so is everyone else. Except for maybe my mother.
A lot of people think that I don't like Coke, but I actually do. I really can't tell the difference between Pepsi and Coke when I drink them, I just like Pepsi because the can is blue. Oh, and Pepsi is a tiny bit sweeter.
A boy told me once that he liked Meg & Dia and I seriously considered liking him. The meaning of this? Meg & Dia are a direct road to my heart.
I think that Fountain Coke is better than Fountain Pepsi.
I hate McDonald's, but love their Vanilla Cones.
I only use swear words when they're conveniently funny, otherwise I think that they just make people sound stupid.
I like to think that I know more about music (especially MaD) than other people, but I don't.

It turned into more like me telling a bunch of secrets. Hahaha. Oh, well. I think that this is good. I might add more later when they come to mind. The easiest way to do this would probably be to just write them all down in one day as they come to mind while you're going about your day.

Until we meet again,
Alyce
(Until I finally upload that video! :P)

Listening To:
Sway - The Perishers
Writing this blog makes me feel special. <3
I love it when people compliment my writing.

The Cycle

2010-06-27T00:12:00.002-06:00

My life is a continuous cycle. I keep expecting things to change as I get older, but it just seems to be the same thing over and over again. You know how people say that history repeats itself? Well, this has proven to be true for my life time and time again.

Aren't people supposed to learn from their mistakes? It's how we grow and mature, but I really don't see anything changing... At least in the near future. I really hate being out of control of my own life. I think that I deserve to deal with my own mistakes, not those of others.

Someday I'll take myself out of the picture. Then maybe all of them can repeat history and I can finally experience something different...
Like... actual romantic feelings for a human being, maybe. Maybe I could experience love... or something.
Not that love is real or anything.

See... Here I am, second guessing myself. It's not a good habit.

Anyway, I wrote a song entitled The Cycle. I think that I've decided that I want to be a lyricist... So I could possibly find a band that's willing to try out some of my lyrics... Or just figure it out myself. I'm still learning guitar. I always feel bad about it when one of my friends comes over and they are so much better than I am...

Today was a good day. It's been a good weekend. Bentley has come back home for a visit. It's really nice to see her... Three weeks is too long.

Until we meet again,
Alyce

June Gloom

2010-06-22T01:56:00.004-06:00

I find that I decide exactly who I am far too often. It just keeps changing, and I'm always unsure of what exactly I believe.

I mean, I am generally just the same person, I just seem to change my mind about some of the ways that I feel about things so often. I hoped that my experiences would help me just keep myself in one direction, but I keep turning this way and that. The world is spinning and I'm lost.

I may have mentioned before that I am asexual. No, I do not reproduce with myself. Haha. I'm just not physically attracted to other people. Well, at least I don't think so. I've just never had a crush on anyone before. I've tried to convince myself that I do, but the truth is that it's just wishful thinking. Some of my friends have told me, "You just haven't met the right guy." I suppose that this could be true, but I just haven't met any guy that has ever wanted a relationship with me or that I wanted to have a relationship with.

Maybe I'm just afraid. I mean, look at the world we live in. Only about half of marriages succeed and I've seen the few that have and... I'm not sure that they're really happy. Is it a lot to ask for to just be happy? I think that it's all anybody wants. I just wish that I could pull it off alone, but I always find myself wondering... Wouldn't it be nice to have someone that was always there for you? That you can't wait to see? I wish that I could marry my best friend. Just because we could hang out everyday and just be happy, but what would be the point in that? We wouldn't kiss or anything like that... it'd be all kinds of wrong. Marriage usually leads to children... right?

Gah. So off topic.

I've graduated from High School. Maybe this is why I'm sort of looking at my life again and trying to decide what I really want. For a long time I wanted to be a teacher, but I don't anymore. After seeing everything that was going on with our school districts this year... it would just be hard for me to be a teacher.

I think that really I want to be involved in music. I love writing and I love music. I would love to sing, but I don't think that I have it in me. So I'd like to be a lyricist or maybe a producer or something. I want to be creative... I don't want to feel like I'm trapped in my job, but I still want to help people. One of the things that have helped me is music...

I didn't want to get married, but I guess that I can't make that sort of decision until I'm actually faced with it... there's no point in trying to hold myself back.

I'm going to try writing again. For real. I've been working on a story that Rachel and I might turn into a graphic novel and I think that it could actually get somewhere. And I'm hoping that Project Ink will actually happen and that we'll make another lit mag... It's nice to actually create something that you can hold in your hands...

I've been in a funk. Gloomy. Heh. Not really depressed... Just... Well. I feel small, I guess. I've always wanted to leave my mark and recently it just feels like I never really will. And then I start to think that I have no future. I just have to keep telling myself that I don't really know until I actually get out there and do something.

I've forgiven, but I still feel a little bitter. I'm only human.

Hopefully more to come,
Alyce

Currently Listening To:
June Gloom - Meg & Dia
(Excited for their new album!!)

Fallback

2010-05-15T17:03:00.003-06:00

I feel like all I ever do is change.

Well, not really myself. More like my mind. I make a decision, say that I'll stick with it and then a few months later I've changed my mind... then I'm unsure.

I used to believe that everyone deserved a second chance. That was until I went through a big change in my life and learned a lot about people.
So I made the choice to keep someone "unhealthy" for me at a distance.
I still think that I made the right choice and I wouldn't change it for anything. It gave me room to grow and learn more about myself as well as form new relationships and strengthen old ones. I feel like I'm a much better person because of it and I've also been more open to see more than just one side of any situation.

I mean... It's nice to think for yourself. It's still hard for me to believe, even now, that I wasn't being myself. I've always wanted to be everyone's friend, it's difficult to believe that I would push everyone away just because I was told that... that person was obnoxious, or mean, or some other friggen excuse.

Anyway, I've started to let some people back into my life and so far it hasn't really brought much change, other than I feel a little uneasy when I think about it.

And then there's graduation. I come home every day, lock myself in my room, and just spend time wallowing. I just love everyone so much. Bingham has been so great to me, I'm going to miss it a lot.
I'm happy that I'm getting older, and that soon I'll be able to live my own life, I just can't help but wish that I'll see all of my friends again when I'm older... Even though I know that I won't.

Hence the video camera. I don't know if anyone has noticed, but I keep it around a lot. I realize that I film some of the most random things, but it's because I want that memory (as small as it may be) to keep...
I've never had a very good memory.
I forget a lot of things.
It's sort of sad.

But I'm working on letters to give to a lot of my friends come graduation time. Chances are that if you're reading this, you will receive one. No big deal or anything, just a little letter concerning how amazing you are and how much I'll miss you and how amazing I know that you're life will be...
All my friends are so talented. ^^

Chalk the Walk soon! Hopefully I'll put up some pictures!! Miranda R. and Rachel (Nova) are in my group! It's gonna be fawesome. :D

Love,
Alyce

10 People

2010-04-06T19:25:00.002-06:00

My friend Hilary ranted about ten people in her blog and I felt inspired… Time for some rant-age!!

1. I don’t see you very often, but I wonder if you know how much I think about you? I’ve known you for such a long time, and after not speaking with you for awhile I’m glad that we can act as if nothing has changed. I love that I can still smile and laugh with you about the little things. I love that even after all this time we still have a connection, but I wish that you had kept hold of your life. You had so much potential. It still hurts to know how much you threw away.

2. You are beautiful. Classic beauty, but you’re also deliciously mischievous. I love spending time with you. I love that by some great leaps and bounds that we became good friends. I love how things went from extremely awkward to the way they are now, as if we’ve been friends all our lives. I find myself always wishing to know more about you. I spill my guts and all you do is smile and be reassuring. I wish that I could do something for you in the way that you helped me. Sometimes I wonder what you would say if I told you that you saved my life. Out of everyone I know, I know that you will go on to do the most.

3. I miss being friends with you. I mean, we’re still friends, but where did all the laughter go? Sometimes I wonder if I was nothing but a charity case for you. Someone to make you feel good about yourself, but I still think that you cared. You seem so distant now. Whenever I’m with you, you’re always texting someone else. I miss when our friendship was easy, when I knew just what to say and do to make you laugh.

4. You drive me insane, but you always have. We have such different views on life, on religion, even on who really won the Battle of Gettysburg. You’re so stubborn and so arrogant, but you’re also very thoughtful and you know me too well. Sometimes I lie to you. What is it about you that always makes me feel like I’m such a failure? What is it about you that makes me feel like I’m such a terrible friend? I don’t see you anymore, even though you are so close, I miss feeling so frustrated. Do me a favor? Just give me a hint that you still know that I’m alive.

5. I feel like I barely know you, but I can’t help but love you. You’re beautiful, but I feel like you’re falling apart. I just want to hold you together. I just want to help you. I just want to feel like you care about me. I’ve shared such a huge part of my life with you, and you’ve shared some of yours with me. I want to be there for you, always. I want to be the one stable thing in your life.

6. You make me feel inadequate, but you keep telling me how great I’m doing. I always feel like you’re so proud of me, but I can’t help but feel like your sidekick. You believe in me, even though you’ve mentioned you know that I won’t go very far. “But you’ll be happy,” you said, and I really believe that. Thank you for always being honest with me, thank you for pulling me through and for helping me see the resolution to every issue.

7. I don’t know you, but I feel like I do. You will never read this, and no matter how much I want it… We will never be friends. We’ve met maybe twice, but I feel this crazy connection with you. I wish that I could have a real conversation with you, and I wish that I could help you through those sleepless nights. I want to tell you that I understand, and that I’m here if you need someone to lean on. I would love to be your friend.

8. Your life seems so simple, even though I know it’s not. You stress about boys and the little things… I just want to tell you that there’s so much more to life. We’ve never been extremely close, but you’ve given me the greatest gift ever. Thanks for bringing even more light into my life.

9. You are so far away. I never get to talk to you anymore. It’s funny, I never realized how much you meant to me until you left. I never thought that we were as close as we are until I read your letter the first time I left. I don’t think that anyone knows me as well as you do. You are so bright, so smart, and so caring. I want to be where you are because without you there is a major part of my life missing. You are the most responsible person that I’ve ever known, and I wish that you were my older sister. I wish that you were always here to look out for me. You are so strong and you know so much, while having experienced so little. I love you and I’m proud to call you my friend.

10. You haunt me. Every word you ever said flows through the back of my mind. I second guess everything I do, every movement I make, every little thing that I say. You hold me back. You manipulate my mind. You’ve almost molded me into what you want me to be. I won’t be afraid anymore, I won’t let you hold me back. I won’t let you win. I wish that we could stop pretending that we were never friends.

That was me trying to be vague. I guess that we’ll see how well that works out.

Love,
Alyce

The Letter I Might Send

2010-04-04T23:26:00.002-06:00

Sup.

Haha. Not sure where I’m going with this blog, I think that it’s more of just a quick update than anything else. I’m trying to figure out what to write for an Occasional Paper for my Creative Writing class and I’m hoping that this will get the juices flowing. (An Occasional Paper is a paper written on occasion. It can be about anything and written at any time. The only deadline is before the end of the quarter. Also, you have to read it aloud to the class. I might post a few of mine up here…)

Remember that letter in my last post? I was thinking of writing one to actually send to that person. One that’s a little less… dramatic? I’m not going to lie, it’s a tad bit embellished, but as my Editor-In-Chief and friend always says, “Life was boring, so I embellished.” Haha. Sara is so awesome. I was super glad when our Creative Writing teacher announced that she was going to be the editor for the school’s literary magazine this year…

But anyway… Back to that letter. I was thinking of writing one to that person, to finally get it all out of my system… But I think that I’m scared of how she’ll react. I sort of just want to say something like, “I’m tired of pretending that we don’t have a history, but I also don’t want to go back to that. I want to be friends, but I don’t ever want anything like that to happen again. And you better be darn nice or I’m gonna crack your skull.”
Okay… So maybe without the skull cracking.
I just… feel bad for her…
Cutting her out of my life…
I’m happier now, but I’ve always just wanted everyone to be happy… why can’t there be some sort of happy compromise?

Not to mention I think that she’s been twisting the truth when she tells people. Sure, I made my share of mistakes, but so did she. Why does she get the right to make herself the victim when she brought it all on herself?
I’m not really the victim, either.
There doesn’t really need to be a victim, I think. We just need to move on. It happened, and life keeps going.

I think mostly I’m trying to get my thoughts together. They never make much sense in my mind. It jumps around so crazily and I never know how I get from one thing to another.

Anyway. I’m going to add a little happiness note:
Today I finally put up all the stars that my friends signed for me on my birthday. I can’t thank Kelsey enough for her thoughtfulness in getting everyone to sign them for me. They add a lot of color to my closet doors next to my signed Meg & Dia posters and the little things that my friends have drawn for me over the years. I love it, it looks super busy but I find it sort of relaxing. It makes me smile every time I look over. It’s like… These people care for me, and whenever I’m in my room, I can be reminded of that. Reminded that people care. That’s always nice.

That’s pretty much it for now. I’m going to take pictures of my closet doors soon so I can share the awesomeness of my Friend Constellation with the world, but my cards are full with my cousin’s wedding pictures. :P

I feel like thanking you, so I shall!
Thank ye,
Alyce

Listening To:

Jai Ho (You Are My Destiny)
Slumdog Millionaire

An Occasional Rant - The Letter I Will Never Send

2010-03-31T06:59:00.001-06:00

This is my negative rant. I frown upon negativity, but I simply feel the need to be negative tonight. So feel free to not read this if you'd rather keep my negativity and whining out of your life.
The following is a letter that I will never send. Me being brutally honest and maybe even... embellishing a bit.
Dear Paris McFargle, (fake name for personal reasons)
After all this time, you've still managed to convince yourself that you are the victim.
I wasted three years of my life trying to save you while you did nothing but push me down.
I cared about you. I didn't want to tear you out of my life. I didn't want to have to forget all of the great memories. More bad than good, it seems now, but that doesn't change the fact that there were still some good ones.
You like to blame me and the people I care about, the people that are helping me recover from all the damage that you caused. How can you really believe that you are the victim in all of this?
I really have heard it all.
I cringe when you make sudden movements. I'm afraid to speak when you're around. I feel sick and pathetic when you are around. I am waiting for another blow. Emotionally. Physically. Spiritually. Crack. Crack. Crack.
My life is a constellation. At one point, you were a star. I loved you just as I loved the others, but you turned into a black hole. You turned into a black hole and insisted on taking away all the rest of the light.
You're still there. The other stars shine ever brighter than they did before, but there you are up in the sky above me... Trying to soak away all of the light.
Just give up. It's too much. Too much light for you to handle.
I won’t let you bring me down again. I’m different now, better. Selfish.

I am the Heart. Do you hear me? I am compassion. I am understanding. I am like a knife. I am a cannon and I will shoot you down if you even dare to try it again. I will cut the last part of you out of my life if you even dare mutter another lie about my best friends.

I wish that I could move on. I wish that you could too. I hate that I care so much, but also at the same time… I hate that I care so little. I hate how easy it was to push you away in the beginning, and I hate that it got harder as time went on.
But I am stronger than you’ll ever be.
I am a much greater person that I’ve ever been.

Don’t ever touch me again. The next bruise won’t be so hidden. I won’t refrain anymore from fighting back.

So go on. Hit me. See if you can get away with it.

I’m not to be taken advantage of. I am not to be trifled with.

But I am happy, and I thank you. Because if you hadn’t done what you did… I wouldn’t be the person that I am today. I wouldn’t have the amazing friends that I have now. Chances are that someone else would’ve tried doing the same thing.

So thanks, for being a selfish bitch.

If you need something, I am here for you.
Alyce

My Life is Average

2010-02-26T01:57:00.001-07:00

Yesterday, someone told me that she got into USU and I promptly told her that it is Open Enrollment. She did not approve. MLIA

Valentine’s Day

2010-02-14T15:35:00.002-07:00

I’ve decided that most holidays are what you make of them.

Most people either love or hate Valentine’s Day, but I don’t think that I’ve ever really minded it too much.

My mom used to ring our doorbell and run away. I’d go to the door and sitting on the doorstep would be a small package with my name on it. Usually it was a CD or something, but I always knew that it was from her.

It’s hard to hate a holiday where you get free stuff.

Not to mention the fact that since the beginning of high school, I’ve started passing out chocolate to strangers in the hallways…
I just enjoy making people happy… So I like giving random people presents.

I didn’t used to enjoy Thanksgiving too much…
But I like food…
And sometimes Christmas wasn’t too fun…
But White Elephant makes everything better. :P

Don’t let it get to you.
Maybe you’re alone for Valentine’s Day, but… At least all those people that have somebody are happy… So you should be happy for those people.
As for me, I prefer to think of Valentine’s Day as my excuse to steal chocolate from my friends.
And it’ll stay like that for the rest of my life.
But at least I will always have chocolate.

Alyce

Currently Watching:

Kodocha: Season 1 Box Set :)

Selflessness is a Mistake

2010-02-14T01:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you hurt more people by being selfless than by being selfish.

This thought came to me today. It’s hard to do what you think is right when it hurts yourself… and a lot of other people in the process. I’ve come to realize that this summer I became a much better person and this is because… I am a little more selfish. Funny. I had never thought that actually caring about myself could make so many people happy.

Because when you let someone take advantage of you, you’re really hurting all of the people that really care about you.

I make people smile all the time now.

On Friday someone said to me, “Every time I see you, I smile. You’ve made my day twice today…”

It makes me feel good. It makes me feel like I’m doing what I’m actually meant to do. Because my job is to make people happy.

I am the Seventeenth Star, after all.

So in the words of Dia Frampton “Make a resume… all the things that make up who you are.”

So make a list of all the reasons why it’s okay for you to be a little selfish.

Why you should love you.

Why other people should love you.

(Link To Dia's Blog!)

Here’s the beginnings of my list:

I love to make people smile.
I have pretty good grammar.
I’m a decent writer.
I have good taste in music.
I have a lot of friends.
I am eccentric.
I write this to try and make my reader’s happy, to make me happy. I am being selflessly selfish and THAT makes me awesome.

Make your list! Love thyself! But don’t forget your friends and family, too. Hehe.

Until we meet again under the blue moon,

Alyce

As The World Spins

2010-02-10T13:16:00.002-07:00

This title is funny to me because I'm sick.
Every time I stand up, everything spins.

I finally got bored of just lying in bed and decided to try some writing. I have to write something for my school's literary magazine because I'm on the staff so I figured that I could write something pretty good while I'm still delirious. By the way... I'm the prose editor of the school's lit mag. I was super excited when I found out. I think that I was the only person who celebrated when they found out what job they got. Everyone else was very quiet, but I forced my friend Ethan to celebrate with me in the back of the classroom. He was really too distracted by this contest thing that he was working on to really care, but I still enjoyed my little party.

Anyway, so after I write this I'll try to write something for the magazine... I'm not really sure what I'll write at this point, but that's why I'm typing this blog. To get the juices flowing.

But it's sort of hard to think when I'm this hungry...

I have photoshop and a new laptop. This means that I can once again pick up photography. I couldn't really before because my computer had far too much stuff on it so it wouldn't let me edit photos... But now that I have the laptop and PhotoShop CS4... Muahahaha. I'm excited. I wanted to go downtown this weekend to take pictures. We'll see how that works out.

Can I just express how awesome this year has been? I mean my senior year, not exactly 2010... Well, 2010 has been better, too. I love all of my classes, my friends, I'm even happy with my family. It's been decided that Junior year just suuuucks. Everyone I talked to hated their Junior year of high school. Except for my mom, she enjoyed all of high school.

My ipod has pretty much officially died. I can listen to it at night and early in the morning, but by lunch time when I go to the grocery store to get chicken, it freezes and stops working. I restart it and it still helps nothing. This makes me very sad considering that my computer just bit the dust and now my ipod has. My mom is letting me use my dad's, though. I was really getting sick of listening to the Veronica Mars soundtrack... It's the only CD that I keep in my car and I refuse to listen to the radio.

Something else random... I was on the cover of the last issue of our school's newspaper and this time I have an article on the inside... I'm not even on staff. Haha. I had no idea that I was going to be in the newspaper. It's an article on itunes, digital music, and the death of CDs. I wrote it for my Government class as a letter to the editor of the Salt Lake Tribune... Next thing I knew, it was in our school's newspaper. Too bad they spelled my name wrong. :P

I don't know if I've ever talked about Christina before, but we were best friends through elementary school and through Middle School. She went to a private school in eighth grade and... I sort of lost her. Not just her, but her family too. Her little brothers and sisters were a lot like my own siblings. And after she went to that other school, she made a few bad decisions and I didn't see much of any of them...
I saw her a few times...
In and out of rehab...
With this boyfriend, with that one...
She even went to my high school for awhile...
Which was hard for me...
I cried a lot.

She was always worth so much more than she made herself out to be.
I surround myself with talented people because I am not talented.
I'm just good at being a friend, I suppose.
And writing. I guess that I'm good at writing.

Christy finally moved back with her family recently. I saw her for the first time in a good while yesterday and... It was very nice. It like like elementary school all over again. I had my best friend back, even her family. I visited her family and they all seemed really happy to see me... I was really happy to see her brothers and sisters. They've grown. It was weird. I'm happy that they all remembered me. Jacob still hadn't changed. Zach was taller, but he was just the same too. Misty is... making things hard on herself, but she seems to be fine. Courtney is just as I remembered her, but she was wearing much less purple. And Brandy was as quiet as ever, but still as sweet.
Her parents were the same too. Her dad was on the computer playing some game. He was always a computer wiz. And her mom was watching some millionaire version of the bachelor. Which made me laugh. It was nice to see everything functioning... It was a little quiet now that the kids are older, but nothing had really changed that much.
I was happy that I cried on the way home.
I had my best friend back.

Of course, I still have Rachel and Lulu. They're my best friends too. I hope that maybe the four of us can all do stuff together.

I finished Mass Effect 2. I kept everyone alive. I am awesome. And so is the game.

I really think that that's all... I went to see a Sundance movie... Homewrecker. It was really funny. I liked it.
I also saw Sherlock Holmes. Awesome.

Heheh.

Until we meet again under the blue moon,
Alyce

Oh, and. The Stars. On my birthday. It was one of the best days ever. My friend Kelsey had a bunch of people sign their names on little colored paper stars and she put them in an envelope and that said, "Alyce's Constellation" on it... When she handed it to me in front of my theatre class, I just about cried. I felt myself tearing up and had to try REALLY hard not to cry. Best birthday present I've ever gotten.

So thank you everyone. Thank you.

Especially Kelsey. :P

The Hunger Games

2010-01-28T17:59:00.003-07:00

Have you ever realized while reading a book that this author must have been watching your nightmares?

Yesterday in my sixth period my adolescent literature teacher lent me the book The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins. I started to read it during class and was immediately enthralled. I was attached to that book for the rest of the day and from the minute I got home until eleven that night, I devoured the novel. I finally had to go to bed at one point, but finished the last three pages in my AP French class this morning.

It was incredible. I don't think that I've ever cried so much while reading a book, and I read a lot of books.

It was like someone took all of my worst fears. The nightmares that I've been having over and over again and written them down beautifully into a novel. It was almost therapeutic for me, reading it. I feel utterly calm now. I even had the same nightmare again, but instead of being completely terrible... There was laughter. Nice laughter. Even my best friend's sock monkey was in the dream. It was on the verge of a dream. I miss those. Not that I've ever had many of them.

I suggest that you read it. It's written in first person present tense which reminds me of one of my favorite novels A Great and Terrible Beauty by Libba Bray.

I wanted to get the sequel today, but my teacher didn't have it. "Tomorrow," she said, "Tomorrow morning." I find myself itching to read book two. She says that the second is even better... I find that hard to believe.

So read The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins and let me know what you think. I've been dying to talk to someone about it.

Until we meet again under the blue moon,
Alyce

Birthday II

2010-01-28T17:41:00.002-07:00

I totally fogot to mention that my friends are going to all wear stars on my birthday. I'm excited.

It's symbolic. A metaphor?

My life is a constellation. My friends, family, memories, experiences... They make up the constellation. They're the stars.

Not to mention that I just like stars.

So for anyone who cares or for anybody that just wants to feel connected to someone else. Wear stars on monday. Or draw a star on your hand. Tape or pin one to your shirt.
And when people ask you why...
Tell them that you're part of a constellation.
Tell them that you're a star. That you bring light to somebodies life.
Whether it be mine, or a friend's, or a sibling's, a parent's, a lover's... It doesn't matter. The fact is that somewhere out there you make SOMEONE happy.
And because of that, you are connected to that person.
And they're connected to someone else.
And somehow... You are connected to me.

So when people give you a strange look, or maybe they'll smile.
Just remember that you're a part of something. You're connected.

Anyway. That's pretty much it.

If someone that I don't know or don't see during my day wears stars... Send me a picture. :)

Until we meet again under the blue moon,
Alyce :)

Birthday

2010-01-26T21:38:00.002-07:00

My birthday is on Monday. February 1st. It's sort of crazy, thinking about it.

In six days I cannot legally beat someone up.
Is it bad of me to want to hit someone? I've just never really hit a person... Excuse me for wanting to experience things!
Haha, anyway. I just thought that I should give my seven followers a quick update. I promise to write something more meaningful in the near future, it's just late right now and I need food.

I saw the Princess and the Frog today. Loved it. If you like Disney movies you should see it.
I'm working on writing a song. We'll see how this'll work out. The lyrics are nearing their end, but I'm waiting to post them here for when they're mostly perfect.
I've joined a band. Kind of. Me, Lulu, and Nova. It's pretty awesome. We'll either call ourselves Blue Alien Syndrome or Project Ink. I like Project Ink more, easier for people who don't know BAS to relate to, but we'll see if I'm out voted or if we come up with something new.

"Why does poetry does pour out of you?"
Nova asked me this question today.
The Answer: It doesn't. Sometimes when it's late and I'm struggling to sleep... My mind won't shut off. Phrases run through my mind, so I save them on a note on my phone and come back to them later. Short phrases, sometimes they don't make sense. But I have to read them over and over again until a tiny bit more comes to me. It takes me hours to come up with anything... Well, anything worthwhile. And I don't have many poems...

Guitar is going alright, still trying to teach myself due to some problems that I have with my teacher. (The guy is going to be gone for four weeks. @.@)

Until we meet again under the blue moon,
Alyce
SeventeenthStar

Where are you Christmas?

2009-12-20T20:49:00.002-07:00

Christmas is this week, but it just doesn't feel like Christmas to me.
The tree is up, decorated... But I didn't decorate it. There's snow, even if there's not much right now... We're having our family party on Christmas Eve with my mother's side of the family, as of right now we have no idea what our plans are for Christmas day...

I can't remember the last time I played in the snow. Maybe when my niece Bentley comes home it'll snow and I can take her our in the yard to play. Maybe then it would feel more like Christmas.

I'm back to wishing that I was a kid again. My mother keeps telling me, "It's just not the same, with you and your brother grown up..." I think that I might even miss my parent's excitement more than my own.

So here I am, typing this blog, listening to Christmas songs hoping for the little feeling that always came with Christmas. It's been a few years since I've had that feeling. I think that it's normal to miss it.

I got a guitar for Christmas... On the first of this month. She's a blue Ibanez Acoustic-Electric and I named her Rosemary, Rosie for short. I've taught myself a few chords and I can play the first ten notes of Greensleeves, which I think is pretty awesome. I can also play the beginning of Meg & Dia's Setting Up Sunday. I'm hoping to learn Greensleeves by Christmas, and Meg & Dia's Nineteen Stars by our school's talent show. Rachel said that if I could learn Nineteen Stars in time, she would sing for me. It'd be awesome. Lauren has promised to help me learn it. I love my friends. :)

I joined the MaD boards. It's been... an experience. I'm hoping that the boardies there will like me. It seems to take a lot for them to like newbies, but I'm not really new to the whole loving Meg & Dia thing... So hopefully they will accept me.

It just dawned on me that it's nine o'clock and I haven't eaten a meal today, only snacks. That means that I need to go feed, but I don't really want to go into the kitchen.

Ah, well. I have an idea:

Christmas? Come home. Let's be friends.

Until we meet again under the blue moon,
Alyce aka SeventeenthStar

Listening To:
Where Are You Christmas? by Faith Hill

Almost There

2009-12-06T16:39:00.002-07:00

My birthday is February 1st.
This raises a lot of worry in my tiny heart... I mean, I'm seventeen now so that means that in about two months I will be eighteen. Crazy, huh? When you're young you can never imagine yourself being that old... Well, at least I couldn't. And it's not even... very old. At all. If eighteen is considered old I'm going to hit somebody.
Ah, well. So I thought long and hard about it and... Even for as young as I am, I've had a pretty full, happy life. I've almost done everything that I've wanted to do...
Besides a few things that I'm not quite old enough for yet-- Have a child, travel somewhere on my own, finish (and publish) a novel... Things like that that I've always wanted to do.

I've started learning the guitar. I'm far from good at this point, but I really enjoy practicing and teaching myself new chords and things like that. I think that it's good for myself to motivate myself like that. My summer was awesome because it was full of the motivation to actually do something and it's a time that I wouldn't take back for anything.

Busy is good, and I have been pretty busy. I'm always happier when there's a lot going on, I suppose that it makes me feel more like I'm not just wasting time or something like that...

So maybe I'm okay with turning eighteen. It's really not that bad. I think that I'm just afraid of being labeled as an adult, when... I admit, I am not quite ready to be an adult... despite my desire to live alone. Part of me can't wait, while another part is screaming for time to just freeze.
But, of course, it can't freeze until Becca comes home from Hawaii for Christmas... With her here, time is welcomed to freeze, otherwise I'm going to ask it to wait.

Now I'm mostly rambling. I tend to do that... quite often. Haha.

So I think about what I want my life to be, what I know that I can achieve, and while some of it is far from my reach at this point, I'm closer than I thought. I've done so much and I'm willing to do so much more, and I'm on the right track.

I seriously need to change these colors again. I just can't choose one that I REALLY like. Haha.

Ah, well then...

Until we meet again under the blue moon,
Alyce

Young Life

2009-09-07T22:38:00.003-06:00

I wish that I could be a child again. I'm envious of them. I watch my niece and the way that she looks at the world... Every day there's something new to learn. Everything she looks at is wonderful and new. Sometimes she'll try something, pull a "I-don't-like-this" face, but she just keeps eating. It's amazing. She waddles. Have you ever noticed that toddlers waddle? Maybe that's why they call them Toddlers... because they... Toddle? I still think it's more of a waddle. Like a penguin.

Colors are brighter, smells more mysterious. The most mundane things are extraordinary when you're a child.

It's a well-known fact among my friends that I plan on never getting married. Ever. Only 50% of marriages succeed. And if I were to get married... I'd be tying myself down, forcing myself to grow up. Call it peter pan syndrome (Btw, I hate peter pan.) but it's not really the same thing.
I don't want to fight with someone every day. I don't want to feel guilty for all the little things. I don't want to feel obligated to make some man happy.

All I want is me and my little girl. I mean, it might not be a little girl, but someday in the very distant future I'd like to have one child. (Artificial Insemination) I'd like to raise this child on my own, after feeling ready, of course, and I'd like to live my life with them until they move out and do whatever they want with their future.

Is it selfish for me to hope for a little girl? I wouldn't be disappointed if it was a boy.

I'm making it a mental note to see the world as a child does. As a brilliantly bright, wonderful place. I'll explore and learn every day. I'll make it a goal.

Until we meet again under the blue moon,
Alyce

New Colors

2009-09-01T16:47:00.003-06:00

I have changed the colors of my blog to make it less emo, I have also created a second blog just for writing. Best to keep my writing and life separate, so as to not confuse anyone. (More people I know in real life follow this blog now, so I'd like to make sure that they don't think I'm crazy.)

School has already started. It's strange because I didn't think that I'd be able to go back, that I was too attached to summer, but I seem to have fallen into school quite well. I'm really enjoying it. All my classes are great, all my teachers are great, and I'm a heck of a lot more sure of myself. I don't feel as afraid of people as I used to. I like it. I'm happy.

I'm in mostly writing and reading classes. I'm trying my best to throw myself back into english, at least as much as I can, so hopefully I'll be writing a lot more.

That's all, but hopefully more later.

It feels good to smile all the time. I suggest that you try it.

Alyce

Records

2009-08-07T02:13:00.005-06:00

"The time of my life, a record of myself..." Meg & Dia; Here, Here, and Here

This year in my photography class we each made our own photo book with our own work inside and I entitled mine Records. I felt like this title was perfect because of the contents of my book and the meaning of all the pictures that were inside.

This summer we have been working on our very own literary magazine and just a few days ago we finished it. It's... amazing. I'm so very, very proud of all the work we've done and I really hope that Meg & Dia like it. While brainstorming titles Nova asked me if we could use the title of my photobook, Records, and I was more than happy to use that name.

So here I am, holding the new lit mag in my hands. It's beautiful. We all did a great job and Nova definitely knocked herself out working on all the layouts and backgrounds. It makes me feel like I've done something great. So this Saturday at Warped Tour we'll give it to Meg & Dia. I don't think that I've ever been this nervous before... It's a lot to handle. I'm about to handle some of my deepest feelings to the people who inspired me to actually do something this summer... and with my life.

I'm happy. Undeniably happy. I have something to do every day now, and something to be proud of. Something that I helped create.

The book is around twenty five dollars. If you want one let me know. I promise you, you will love it.

Here's a few pages:

All of those pages have been written by myself and the backgrounds were created by Nova/Rachel in photoshop. The book is about thirty or so pages with poetry, prose, photography, photo manipulation, and short stories by me, Nova, and Lauren. Rebecca helped with editing and helping me survive the stressfulness...

That's all for now. More later. :)

Alyce

I'm baaaack!

2009-07-24T12:06:00.005-06:00

Alright... Soooo... After a lot of time of not being able to write anything even remotely decent I have returned with Deadly Sweet Melodies!

How this happened....

I've been suffering with the worst case of writer's block since the great "I Have Left Forsaken FORSAKEN! HAHA!" case of the tenth grade. After writing A Creature my writing skills seemed to disappear entirely, much to the disapproval of my Creative Writing teacher and two fans. (Haha.)
So recently Nova, Rachel... or whatever the heck it is that you want to call her... Invited me to this writer's group club thingy and it just... Got me all excited somehow. So on my way to Rachel's to pick her up I was listening to the song Sweet Tangerine by The Hush Sound. (I believe that it is on iTunes, I strongly suggest that you check them out!) Sweet Tangerine is a song about a stalker and it just got me thinking... I wanna write about a stalker, but one... one that everyone will like!
So after going to the writer's meeting and having a fabulous time I left early so Rachel and I could have time to work on the like mag (more on that later) and so I could figure out how to get my story to work.

And so Sweet Melodies was born sometime early this morning after an entire day of sitting at my computer writing.

As for the lit mag...
At my school in the Creative Writing 2 class (which I will be taking this coming school year) plans out the making of a Literary Magazine that will be available for purchase in the last quarter of school. The Lit Mag holds short stories, prose, photography, poetry... (You name it!) from all around the school and this years was... To keep it short, beautiful. Rachel loved it. She felt inspired and I suggested that we give it to Meg & Dia as a Thank You gift. She loved the idea, but wanted more. So she suggested that me, her, and Lauren go about making our own.
So this summer we have been working not very successfully on the lit mag... Until the past week or so. It needs to be done in about seven days... Before the Meg & Dia concert on August 8th.

And so there you have it.

I have a list. I shall share it with you sometime.

Btw, my poem A Creature won "Best Poem" in my school's Lit Mag this year. My lucky shirt sure is doing it's work! :)

Thanks,
Alyce

Oh, and that Writer's Group that I was talking about has it's own blogger page. It's got nothin' on it right now, but it will!

Check it out:
http://fcwritersgroup.blogspot.com/

Deadly Sweet Melodies

2009-07-24T12:02:00.002-06:00

“Do you think he’ll like it?” Cecelia asked.
I rolled my eyes. “Yes.”
“You really think so?” She looked at me, her big brown eyes beaming.
I bit my lip and she pouted, holding the box tightly to her chest. It was wrapped in sparkling blue paper, her favorite color. You could still see little bits of white cardboard, but I wasn’t sure if she had noticed.
“I mean... I wrapped it myself and everything.” She held out the box and stared meaningfully at it. A strand of her brown hair fell in front of her eyes and it took everything I had not to move it. I crossed my arms.
“Oh, Johnny!” She exclaimed, “Do boys really like watches? I mean... I wrapped it myself and EVERYTHING!”
I nodded and she sighed. Her shoulders drooped and I rubbed her back, trying my best to cheer her up. She was so... warm. Something about her seemed very fragile. I drew back and held my hands together in my lap. I hadn’t stopped biting my lip.
Cecelia dropped the box in her lap and absent mindedly fingered the little silver locket that I gave her. She still thought that her new boyfriend, Lucas had given it to her. Sometimes I felt underappreciated.
“I still can’t get it open,” she said quietly, looking at me.
“Huh?”
“The locket. It won’t open,” she replied, “and Lucas refuses to tell me what’s inside. Says that I’ll have to find out for myself, but look,” she held it up for me, “he had it engraved and everything! C.C. for Cecelia Cooper.”
The only reason why Lucas told her to find out for herself was because he had no idea what was inside the locket. I never told her that it was my gift to her; I didn’t want to make her unhappy by claiming that her boyfriend was a good-for-nothing liar. Even if it was true.
She showed me the box. “That’s why I got him this watch! As a thank you gift for the locket!” She smiled, “And if you say that he’ll love it, I know he will!”
That was supposed to be my watch.
She stood up and gazed excitedly up at the stars. She was grinning from ear to ear. To me she shone brighter than any star in the sky.
“It’s almost midnight Johnny,” she said, looking down on me, “maybe you should get off my roof.” She stuck her tongue out at me and laughed melodically and turned towards her window. “My mom wouldn’t like it if there were boys on my roof, especially so late.” She saluted me and disappeared inside her room. Of all the years I’ve known her, I have never been inside.
I jumped onto the tree that I usually used to climb up and waited for her to wave and shut her blinds. I waved back at her, a fake smile plastered on my face. She closed her blinds and I stealthily jumped back onto her roof and sat next to her window, even if she opened her blinds she wouldn’t see me there.
I had been doing this for three years now. I spent a lot of nights sitting alone on Cecelia’s roof. My father never noticed if I didn’t come home, he was usually too drunk to care, and my mother died when I was only nine, that was eight years ago. Cecelia, even after all this time, had never noticed. Sometimes I wished that she would. I was never able to voice my emotions to her.
I sat there for hours before I went home. My mind was nearly empty, all I had anymore was Cecelia. She had Lucas, her family, her friends. Maybe I was a little jealous, or maybe I just wanted to be apart of everything she had. Minus Lucas.
I jumped onto Old Oaky and climbed down. I looked up at the sky and couldn’t help but shiver. My house wasn’t far from Cecelia’s, it was at the most just a few blocks away. I walked up my front porch and opened the door, my father never locked it. The house always seemed smoky and it smelled strongly of tobacco, dirty laundry, alcohol, and death. A lot like a bar in an old folk’s home. I glanced at my father as I skulked up the stairs; he was passed out on the couch.
I jumped into bed and closed my eyes for a few minutes, but couldn’t sleep. I stared at the ceiling and listened to silence as I waited for the sun to come. My alarm sounded as my room lit up with sunlight and I rolled onto my floor. I showered, dressed, and made sure that my dad was still breathing on the couch before I left. I walked with my hands in my pockets to Cecelia’s house and took my usual spot in the bushes that were in front of her house. I checked my phone, it was ten o’clock. She usually didn’t leave until about noon. I sat without moving an inch for an hour and a half.
I crawled out of the bushes and stood up, moving over to Cecelia’s old blue Honda Civic and unlocking it with the spare key she gave me. I squeezed into the back behind the drivers seat, locking the door and waiting. Minutes later, Cecelia opened the door and slipped inside. She started the car without even noticing me and pulled away from the curb, singing softly with the radio as she drove.
Five minutes later the car slowed down to a stop and she got out. I waited a few minutes before following her. We were at Lucas’s house and she had gone inside. I had no way of knowing what was going on inside. I never was very able to see what went on between them when they were alone. I wasn’t sure if that was a good or a bad thing.
I shoved my hands into the pockets of my jeans and turned swiftly to the left, making my way on foot back to Cecelia’s house. When I got there I glanced about, making sure no one was home. After ringing on the doorbell a couple times I climbed up old Oaky onto the roof and stared intently at her window. I’m not sure how long I sat there, but after much debate I went through the open window into her bedroom.
Cecelia surrounded me. There was no doubt to any of my senses that she had been here. I could feel her everywhere, but somehow it wasn’t enough. I walked to her dresser and looked at some of the pictures she had scattered about. One of them, in a handmade wooden frame was of a filmstrip two of us together in a photo booth at the mall a couple years ago. She had taken me there to pick out a birthday present for myself. “I just want to spend some time with you,” I said to her. It ended up being the best day of my life since my mom had died.
I looked up at the wall, or rather the mirror. I looked like a ghost of the boy who was in that picture. My once neat combed brown hair was messy and almost covered my eyes. Underneath my eyes on my pale skin were bags, dark circles. My eyes were red and tired-looking, the blue looked dull and faded. I looked like my father. Disgusted, I took the mirror off the wall and threw it onto the floor. It shattered and I bent down to pick up the pieces. One of them cut my finger and I shoved it into my mouth, throwing the broken mirror into Cecelia’s garbage can. I glanced back at the filmstrip of the two of us and left a streak of blood over my face.
Cecelia liked to say that I was like the brother she’s never had. I don’t think that she ever knew how much that hurt me. I must not have been enough to be more. I loved her. With every piece of me, every thought and every action, I loved her. I did everything for her. She was the only reason that I was still breathing at this very moment, she was my only reason for living.
I am such a child.
I opened her jewelry box and surprisingly enough found some bandages. I stuck one on my finger and turned to her bookcase. There weren’t many books on it, it was full of mostly DVDs, but it still held a few good books. I ran my hand over their spines and walked along it. On her computer desk sat about scattered papers, most of them were applications for different summer jobs. I moved them and underneath found her headshot, staring at me.
Cecelia wanted to be an actress, and she had been in a few plays at school and at the community theatre. She had a professional photographer take pictures of her for her portfolio earlier in the year and before me was one of the pictures that he took of her. I was breathless, she was beautiful, and I never wanted to look away. I reached out to stroke her face, but it wasn’t really her. I bit my lip again and closed my eyes. It felt like sin, the thought of touching her. My fingers twitched.
I looked down at her bed. It was unmade and I couldn’t help but slip under the covers and breathed in her scent. She smelled like the wonder of spring right after a sunny rain not long after all the flowers have bloomed. It was magnificent, she was amazing. I shoved my face into her pillow and imagined that she was here with me, that she was mine. I shut my eyes and laid there in silence for hours and just has I felt the loving hand of sleep at the edges of my mind there was a sound of a car turning off and laughing.
I sat up and jumped onto my feet. I stumbled about, dizzy. I shook my head, gaining my senses and dove into her closet, leaving the door partially open. I could hear someone downstairs. There were footsteps that I recognized immediately as Cecelia’s and those of someone else. They climbed the stairs together and she opened the door to her room.
“My parents left this morning for vacation so I have the house to myself for the next week,” she explained to Lucas.
My jaw clenched and I felt immediately angry. Why had he been allowed into her room? She barely knew him! They’d only been dating for a month and here he was in her room...
“Ceci...” I whispered quietly.
Cecelia stopped and glanced about the room.
“What is it?” Lucas asked.
“Well I thought that- “ she began, “My mirror! It’s gone...” She moved over to the wall and looked around. “That’s weird...”
“I’m sure it’s nothing,” Lucas said, reaching out for her.
She brushed away from his grasp and stepped over to her desk. “I don’t think that I left my applications stacked like this...”
Lucas seemed bothered. “I thought that you said you weren’t going to work this summer?”
Her back was turned from him, but I could see both their faces. Was that fear that I saw in her eyes? She laughed forcibly and he grabbed onto her wrist.
“I just feel bad that you pay for everything when we go out and I spent all that money on the watch that I gave you,” it became apparent to me then that he wasn’t wearing it, “I just wanted to be able to hel-“ she winced and turned to him, “Lucas, you’re hurting me.”
He didn’t let go. “We agreed that this would be better for us. So we can spend more time together.”
“Of course. I can’t believe that I even thought about working,” she laughed nervously and he pulled her into his arms. Her eyes were still on the stack of papers on the desk and he noticed.
“I’m sure it’s nothing,” his voice was silky. It pissed me off.
Cecelia nodded and they kissed. She seemed to have forgotten about everything that had just happened. I was seeing red as they stood there, sucking face. She ran her hands through his dirty blond hair and down his back and I felt sick. She giggled breathlessly and bit his bottom lip. I stared down at the shoes next to me and began counting...
One, two, three... seven... ten...
They sat on the bed and she crawled on top of him, her hand over his shirt on his chest.
Twelve... holy crap that is a lot of shoes...
He rolled on top of her and she giggled again. He started to take his shirt off.
Fifteen... Sixteen...
The phone rang and Cecelia pushed Lucas off of her. I silently took a sigh of relief. She picked up the receiver and said hello, I could tell by her voice that she was smiling.
“Yes, this is Cecelia...” she said before listening to whoever was on the other side, “Yes. Uh-huh. Of course. Good-bye.” She hung up and stared at the phone for what seemed like a long time.
“Who was it?” Lucas asked, staring intently at the back of her head. Something about his gaze frightened me and made me angry.
“Huh?” She turned her head, “Oh!” she laughed nervously, “Just a telemarketer. Nothing special.”
I could tell that she was lying, but by the look on his face I had no idea if Lucas knew.
Cecelia glanced at her clock. “It’s... getting late. Maybe you should go.”
They stared into each other’s eyes for a long time. Lucas seemed to be searching for something, but I wasn’t sure what it was that he was looking for. Finally, he leaned in and kissed her softly.
“I love you,” he said calmly.
“I know,” she replied.
His hand moved and she flinched. “I-I love you too,” she said, kissing him.
Lucas smiled and got up, leaving the room. Cecelia didn’t move for several moments. Finally she got up and left the room. Eventually, she came back and locked her door, then her window. She didn’t usually lock everything up like this, was she frightened? She closed her blinds and pulled some pajamas out from her dresser.
I hadn’t thought of this...
I wasn’t sure what to do, but somehow I couldn’t take my eyes off of her as she changed and crawled into bed. My mouth was open in shock. She was so... beautiful and her skin was like porcelain. It was a long time before I could blink again.
She reached for the phone again and started dialing a number. “Come on, Jo-Jo... please don’t fail me now.” She held the phone up to her ear and waited.
Panic rushed through me and I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket. I hadn’t turned the ringer off. It lit up and I answered it before it could ring. Cecelia paused.
“Hello?” She said, her voice echoed quietly through my phone and my heart sank. “Johnny? Hey, Johnny? Are you there?”
For once I didn’t like that she was calling me. I ended the called and she sighed.
“He promised he’d always be there...” She whispered to herself.
Was she... crying? She got back into her covers and faded to sleep.
I waited a few hours before crawling out from my hiding place. I got up and walked to her bed, standing over her. She was dead asleep, but it almost seemed like she was humming. Everything else, including myself, was completely silent. I reached out and touched her hand softly. She didn’t react. I ran my fingers up her arm and I stroked her face gently. I smiled down at her, she was somehow even more beautiful while she slept. I knelt down and kissed her forehead lightly and then bit my lip.
“I love you, Ceci,” I whispered into her ear before slipping under her bed.
I could kill Lucas. The way he held her, the way he almost seemed to frighten her into telling him that she loved him. It must’ve been a lie. That’s the only way that it made sense to me. I’ll kill him. Tomorrow. After their date.
I shut my eyes and drifted into dreams.
The next morning I woke up feeling slightly refreshed. That was the first time that I had slept well in years. I yawned and hit my head on the bed. Remembering where I was, I peeked out from under the bed. Cecelia’s room was empty and her room was flooded with light from the open window. I crawled outside and down Old Oaky. Cecelia’s car was gone and I had no idea where she had gone. Feeling more than a little bit lost, I started towards my house, determined to take Lucas out of the picture by the end of the day.
I entered my house and ran up the stairs into my room. I showered and got ready as usual, but before I left I snuck into my father’s room and stole his old hunting rifle and knife. I wrapped the rifle in a blanket and slipped the knife into my jacket pocket, it looked like rain outside. I didn’t bother to check on my dad before walking out the door, instead I grabbed some snacks from the kitchen and headed straight out the door and around a few blocks to Lucas’s house. I hid in his neighbor’s yard until I was sure that no one could see me and snuck behind his garbage cans.
Hours went by and it got dark. I nibbled away cautiously at chips while I waited and threw the bag into one of the garbage cans. What a convenient steak out spot, I thought to myself. I checked my phone, it was now nine o’clock and there was still no sign of anyone... I was just about to get nervous when an old white bronco pulled into the driveway.
Bingo. I readied the rifle.
Lucas got out of the driver’s seat and walked huffily around the car to the passenger side door. He opened it and Cecelia squirmed past him. She sulked towards the front door and stopped before reaching his front steps. She seemed worried.
“Lucas... it was awfully nice of you to pick me up, but couldn’t you take me home? It’s been a long day...” She said quietly.
“You promised that you wouldn’t apply for any jobs,” he seethed.
“Please... can’t we talk about this tomorrow?” She asked.
“No,” he said firmly, “now is as good as ever.”
“Look, I’m sorry that you had to pick me up... but I had a flat tire and John hasn’t been answering any of my calls-“
“I wouldn’t have had to pick you up if you didn’t go to that stupid job interview!” If Lucas wasn’t angry before, he certainly was now.
“How was I supposed to know that someone would slash my tires?” She exclaimed.
His hand flew and the back of it met Cecelia’s cheek. She cried out in pain and reached up to protect herself from anymore blows. He put his hands tightly around her neck and shoved her up against the car.
“Don’t you ever talk to me like that!” He shouted.
Cecelia couldn’t breathe and my heart had stopped beating. She tried her best to nod and Lucas let up. Cecelia coughed and I felt my composure shattering. Lucas reached into his pocket and took out the watch that Cecelia had given him.
“Did you think that this would satisfy me?!” He threw the watch to the ground and Cecelia winced as he stomped on it and it broke. “And what is this?” He asked disgustedly, tearing the locket I gave her off and throwing it towards me like it was a piece of garbage.
The locket fell open in front of me. Inside was a picture of Cecelia and I before my mum died. I broke inside and pushed the garbage cans out of my way as Lucas shook Cecelia violently and hit her again. His green eyes were wide with fury as he pushed her onto the ground, kicking her angrily.
“Lucas!” I shouted, raising my rifle at him. Lucas turned ferociously towards me and stopped altogether.
He raised his hands cautiously. “John? Heeey, Johnny... It’s not-“
“Don’t even bother,” I replied, “step away from Ceci. Now.”
Lucas’s eyes shifted about nervously and I glanced down at Cecelia. She seemed happy to see me, but surprised at the way I had presented myself. I laughed, having finally cracked.
“You don’t want to do this, Johnny,” Lucas pressed as he took a few steps towards me.
“Yes I do,” I pulled the trigger.
Shit! I had left the safety on. Lucas dashed towards me and grabbed onto the gun just as I clicked the safety off. He tackled me to the ground.
Bang!
A shot rang off into the air above us as he wrestled me for the rifle. He tore it out of my grasp and I knocked it into the grass, reaching for the knife in my pocket. I pushed him off of me with my legs and sat on top of him, holding the knife to his throat. I snickered wildly and spit in his face.
“John!” Cecelia pleaded behind me. I blinked and turned to look at her. Lucas knocked the knife out of my hand, I wasn’t sure where it had gone. He stood over me now, holding my father’s hunting rifle at my head. I was on my hands and knees, staring down at the ground. My head was pounding. Lucas kicked me onto my back and he hit me swiftly over the head with the butt of the rifle.
“For lack of a better phrase,” Lucas raised the rifle and aimed right between my eyes, “say goodnight, Johnny.”
Lucas’s eyes went wide with pain and he dropped the rifle at his side. I crawled away as Lucas fell to his knees, revealing a disheveled Cecelia behind him. She was holding my father’s hunting knife which was now covered in blood. There was the distant of dull sirens and groans coming from Lucas, a neighbor must have called the police. Cecelia threw the knife away and picked up the gun, she ran to the garbage cans and stuffed it inside. She rushed back to me and helped me up.
“You were just walking past when you saw what was happening, got it?” She whispered hurriedly. “You just happened to be carrying the knife with you. It was self defense. He attacked first, okay?”
I nodded and she hugged me. Somehow, she still seemed frightened.
“I love you, John.”
I bit my lip as the police cars pulled up, lights flashing.

- Alyce Shayne Heart

Meg & Dia Interview

2009-05-06T22:48:00.001-06:00

The fantasticness of my FAVORITE artists! :)

Quick Update

2009-04-18T11:14:00.002-06:00

I'm a wanderer now, sorrow befalls me.
But I laugh so often that... I suppose I'm gonna be fine.

The time of my life, a record of myself.

SO many things inspired by Meg & Dia... I'm not sure where to begin. I'm working on sort of a -revamping- of myself. Be happy, smell happy(haha), and record my life in its prime. From photography and cinematography to journal entries and stretch stories... I want this part of my life to be quite the chapter, something people will be jealous of for the rest of my years.

So here it begins.

Btw, somebody better ask me to prom next year... I want that experience. Not that anyone besides Rachel reads this. Oh... I LOVE YOU RACHEL! You're, like, my hero right now. Thanks for keeping a smile on meh lazy face! ;)

Forsaken

2009-03-12T16:54:00.000-06:00

Forsaken is my favorite work of... um... Novel writing by myself. You check find the newly revamped version and the original by lookin' at my profile... So feel free to check it out if you wish! ^^

Also be sure to check out Phased by Rachel and The Silver Dagger by Jordan! You can find them by lookin' at my followers! :P

The Alyce Files

2009-03-10T22:40:00.000-06:00

Please comment! ^^

Selfish Sins - Revival

2009-02-28T20:01:00.002-07:00

I finally woke up today.

Beauty in so many eyes, a sinner in God's. He forgives all his children, doesn't he? Does he ever lecture them? Does he ever give them a consequence? Even the most beautiful of God's children can fall.

Like a phoenix I've risen from my ashes... From when you burned me. Through it all I have survived and you won't beat me. I'm somebody new, different, and better. Believe that people ever change? Maybe you should now.

Old feelings, so far from the truth. What have you lied about? Still I'm holding on and now I'm rising up. Don't regret this yet, it's not over.

Sometimes things just need to change.

Selfish Sins 6

2009-02-27T22:59:00.003-07:00

I'm falling apart.

You've made me so emotionally ill that my body is giving up on me. I can't retain food, I can't sleep, I can't smile. You used to make me so happy... What happened?

When I ask if you're happy with what you've done... I really mean it because despite what you've put me through I hope for you to be happy with all that I have left... which isn't much.

Selfish Sins 5

2009-02-25T16:59:00.002-07:00

Didn't think you'd fall this far.

Walk all over me, sweetest most sincere friend of mine. Tear out my heart and watch in glee as I bleed... Believe it or not, no matter what you do I'll never stop loving you.
I might have given up on the trust, I might never look at you the same way again but I always want to be your friend.
I might look away in disgust. I might not speak to you for weeks at a time. I might say cruel things. But I'll always remember what we went through together... When you were still the greatest person in the world. When I fully trusted you and never saw past the lie.

Will he take as much as I have?
Will he allow you to take out all your pain on him? Selfish sinners aren't known for being helpful.

What's in the choice, as easy as it is? Her or him, friend or stranger, sister or lover. If you even have to think about it you weren't really a friend in the beginning.

Dearest friend of mine, what have you done?

Selfish Sins IIII

2009-02-24T22:49:00.002-07:00

No one will ever love you as much as I.

He told you he loved you, but does he really? You barely know this naive little sinner. This boy who's told so many that he "loves" them. What is he but a liar? Saying whatever he feels to get what he wants most, a trophy such as you.

Someday he'll tire of you, which I never will. His "love" will fade while mine will pain for you, hoping you'll finally see what it is you've done to me.

I've lost something vital to you and I know now that I'll never get it back. You've changed everything in me and I will right the wrongs you've done in my life and show love to those who deserve it, who deserve to know something other than the Selfish Sins people like you have spread around the world.

I have been born again, a new star in the darkness and thanks to what you've done I will never fade. When all the others have fallen I will still shine brightly. I'll never give up the hope you almost shattered.

So while you strive on his selfish sins I hope you remember me. I hope you look back and think, "I should have thought twice and stayed with the people who really loved me."

Selfish Sins III

2009-02-24T22:21:00.002-07:00

Are you happy knowing you've lost our trust?

The closest of friends, all different but all the same.
One was too selfish to think of us first, to think about what would happen to our friendship.

She took him with one fowl swoop and held him close, grinning and giggling the entire time. We watched in anger, sadness, and disappointment as they kissed before us, not a care in the world.

You have him now, dearest friend of mine. The darkness has taken over, any chance of ever shining has been lost. You brought us close then tore us apart. I hope you're happy, dearest friend of mine.

We'll never trust you again. You're false beauty has been revealed. I hope you sleep well at night, knowing who you've hurt and what you've lost. I hope you're happy with what you've done. This pain might never subside.

I've lost faith in you and this selfish sin.

What you call love is nothing but a selfish desire to be wanted, to touch, and to feel.

It won't last long and don't come to us when it falls apart.

I'll laugh like you did at her. Bitter, bitter, bitter sinner.

Selfish Sins II

2009-02-24T21:32:00.002-07:00

I watched a star die today.
She was one that I always seemed to pay more attention to than the rest. She always shone so bright, flickering every now and again. I'd look up and she was always different than all the rest, an underdog of sorts. I had so much hope for this lone shining star, I prayed for her often. She'd wink and smile at me, always unsure but so beautiful.
I noticed recently that she seemed to shine brighter than the rest. I thought that she was so happy, having finally found her place among the other stars, glowing even in the darkest of darkness. Maybe she was better now, more than ever... But maybe the whole thing turned out to be a lie.
I've seen stars vanish into the darkness before. They flash brightly for only moments then disappear without any complaint... I never quite understood it. But this one star that I really wanted to survive finally just gave up.
I was watching her shine, smiling back at her when in the blink of an eye she was dragged into the oblivion of the darkness, of the world. She fell victim to her own selfish sin.
Now I watch as one by one the stars die. They're overtaken by the shadows and the reality and the heartless soul of love, the wildest and most painful sin of them all.
Maybe I should have known she'd fall, but she fooled me all the while.

That's Not My Name

2009-01-27T20:29:00.002-07:00

Just a little something for anyone who likes the Ting Tings!

My Update:
Everything's FANTASTIC! I promise to update soon. My birthday is this Sunday (Feb 1st) more on that later.

<3

Alyce

Knowing Doubt

2009-01-14T22:42:00.004-07:00

Why does it always feel like I'm waiting for something?

I've spent most of my life expecting something to happen. What I'm waiting for, I'm not sure. Sometimes I have dreams where I'm sitting alone in a room with a single door, chair, clock, table, and radio. I'm sitting in the chair with the radio playing softly while the clock eternally clicks away. What am I doing? I'm watching the door. I've never tried to open it, I just sit and watch it, waiting... Waiting. Sometimes I stand up, but I never approach the door. That's it. The music changes, usually with whatever is playing on my ipod, (I sleep with music playing.) but nothing ever happens.
I know that it might sound boring, but I like this dream a lot more that my myriad of nightmares. (Yes I have a ton of nightmares... like... a lot. Hence the reason why I don't sleep much.)
I have this dream almost every night, and I have yet to figure out why. All I know is that whatever is behind that door... Well, when I wake up it scares me. I almost don't want to know what's behind it, but another part of me is dying to know what's beyond the door.

The Unknown.
It's a big fear of mine.
But I really want to know... Well, I want to KNOW!
But there's another part of me that... isn't sure if I really even want to know.

Meg & Dia, two of the most amazing people in the world have a song called Just One of Those Things that says:
"I don't know which is worse;
to learn or not to know."
I feel like that is so true to so many things in life. I know that I'm not the only person who has this intense fear of the unknown, I'm sure many people do too, they just... might not even realize. The unknown lives in many things; the future, death, strangers, etc... That everyone is afraid of it in one way or another, I just... I think that I might be a little too scared of the unknown... If I wasn't so afraid I think that I'd be more sure in everything I do and I'd live a much easier life, so I'm working on it. I suppose that we shall see if I ever rise above my phobia...

Maybe it would be better to just embrace the unknown, to know doubt.

Untouched Music Video Contest

2009-01-04T23:47:00.003-07:00

Mood: Spent

So just recently The Veronicas started a music video contest for their song Untouched and guess who entered! I JUST finished the video and uploaded it on Facebook, with hopes of winning or at least someone saying, "This is really good!" If I win I get a bunch of signed stuff and my video on their website, so pray for me!

Making this video was extremely difficult. I had a very limited time to make it and it was hard to get everyone involved to cooperate, but it turned out pretty good.
It wasn't exactly what I wanted it to be, but I hope it's good.

Here it is:

Currently Listening To:
Untouched by The Veronicas

Beautiful Disaster (Four)

2008-12-26T20:34:00.002-07:00

It was cold; clean, white snow surrounded me. I was in what looked to be a forest, somewhere that I had never seen before but seemed so familiar. My instinct told me that I was in danger. I had goose bumps and my hair was standing up on the back of my neck. I rubbed my right arm nervously and walked ahead into the darkness. I was following a path of foot prints, like a dog's but somewhat larger. As I went on I noticed that the steps had changed, from that of a dog's into a human's. Something red in the snow followed the footprints. Was that... blood?
I looked up and saw before me in the darkness a pair of green-blue eyes.
"Tsuki? Tsuki, wake up!"
Was that Darke's voice? It came from somewhere next to me, but I couldn't look away from those eyes. I was drawn in, I took another step forward. I had to know what was there, who was calling out for me. I felt sick and coughed into my hand, something warm ran over it, but I didn't look to see what it was. I was running now, I needed to know what was in the darkness, but something grabbed my arm, shaking me. I tried to struggle away from the grip of whatever was holding me back. I needed to go farther.
"Tsuki!"

I opened my eyes wide and jumped out of my seat, pulling my arm away. "Let go of me!" I shouted, turning to see Darke standing there. I had elbowed him and he was stumbling back now, shocked by my sudden movement. He didn't say anything, just looked up at me with those handsome green eyes. I could tell that he was hurt.
"Oh, Darke... I didn't mean to... I was-"
He looked away from me. "You dozed off... The bell rang and I thought that I'd wake you up so you could go to your next class... I hope that you're not mad."
I shook my head. "I was dreaming, I didn't mean what I said. I'm sorry."
He picked up his bag and without saying anything left the room. Mr. Reide cleared his throat and I realized that he had heard everything.
"I do hope that you don't make a habit of sleeping in class, Miss Doyle," he said to me.
I nodded, picking up my bag and rushing out of class where Darke was standing outside the door. He smiled nervously at me and I couldn't help but grin hugely at him. He seemed taken aback and stared past me at the wall, somehow this emphasized his black eye.
"Maybe if you wouldn't stay out all night you'd be able to stay awake in class," he said quietly, but jokingly.
I stuck my tongue out at him. "Look who's talking!"
He didn't smile, just looked down the hall. "Better get to class now," and he walked away from me.

2008-12-25T00:50:00.002-07:00

Current Mood: Cold (Stupid Freezing Basement)

Christmas Eve!
What can I say? Best day out of the whole year! I really enjoy hanging out with the family... My little cousin was glued to me the entire night, it was kinda fun. I told her that I was sixteen and she asked me why I was still living at home... I couldn't stop laughing for the longest time.

I got my camcorder early so I could record our Christmas Eve party and I'm still trying to figure out how to use it, but I'm way excited. My parents also gave me this HUGE roller suitcase that I can take to Europe this summer... It's pretty sexy. Lol. It's blue, my favorite color.

My brother got a Play Station 3 that I was nice enough to set up in the basement for him. :P I'm sitting downstairs with him now. He's really happy and I'm excited to play it behind his back. Lol.

Bentley was SO CUTE! I couldn't believe how good she was all night! Everyone was really excited to see her and she seemed really happy. The best part of this christmas? BENTLEY OF COURSE! ARG! She's so adorable that I can hardly stand it!

Gawrsh my hands are cold. I had to let Megan's dog's in... They jumped all over me! Tomorrow I have to let them back out and feed the fishies... The eel... The eel...

RANDOM BURST OF WRITING!
I ducked behind the counter and tried my best to say silent, hoping that I hadn't been noticed. His voice rang out silently but firm as he spoke my name aloud; he had obviously seen me. I let out a long breath and stood up, waving and smiling awkwardly. He scratched his head, my lie finally dawning on him. His eyes widened and he rushed over, taking a moment to take in my blue vest.
"YOU WORK AT WALMART?!"
Suddenly the store seemed really quiet and I smiled my big Walmart Employee Smile.
"Is there anything I can help you with today, sir?"

Sheesh. I don't know what to say anymore. It's late and I'm tired. Night!

Until We Meet Again Under The Blue Moon,
Alyce

Currently Listening To:
Duffy - Warwick Avenue

Beautiful Disaster (Explained)

2008-12-15T21:20:00.003-07:00

HEY! Heheh. Most of my recent stuff has just been writing... And guess what this is... MORE WRITING!

Just a little info about my new project gone awry, Beautiful Disaster...

It's a story about a boy and a girl...

It all came to me while listening to Kelly Clarkson's Beautiful Disaster. It's a great song and I highly suggest that you listen to it. Essentially it's a song about a guy who's broken and a girl who wants to save him... It brought the thought to my mind that most stories include a handsome prince who has come to save the princess... What if it was the other way around? What if the beautiful princess was supposed to save the handsome prince... or what if someone actually failed for once? I haven't decided the end of the story yet. The truth is that I never know how one of them will end, I just let the characters follow their path... This only started in the ninth grade with my all too popular masterpiece Forsaken which has grown popularity among my friends who bash me every day for leaving it unfinished. Audrey's story will reach it's ending, I promise you that... I just need a little break from Henry constantly bugging me in my dreams. (So what if my characters talk to me in dream form? They ARE figments of MY imagination, after all. Besides, all he ever talks about is Evangeline and how cool it is that her body heals so fast. Pfft.)

0.o I think that I just ranted about a non existent person being annoying.

Basically what I'm trying to say is that I want this story to be different. Rather than focusing on one horribly depressed girl and her friends who have one too many issues this will simply be about a Star and her Handsomely Broken Prince. (By the way, considering what they are they're actually supposed to kill each other, but that will be left for the story to REALLY reveal...)

Anyway...

Characters

Lucien Doyle (Darke)
Lucien is one of my strangest characters yet. While I had him start out seemingly more together and happy than Tsuki, that is not the case. He's a rather broken boy and Tsuki just has issues sleeping. She's really the happy character.
Lucien is just full of his own dirty little secrets while Tsuki has none. I wanted Tsuki to seem like there was nothing there but just what's on the surface, but for those who are able to read into little things I wanted her to seem a little bit more... Different. While Lucien seems deep, and in some ways he is, but at one point you'll know more about him than even Tsuki.
Lucien has dark almost black brown hair and emerald eyes. I have asked Christy to draw him for me but while I wait this is the closest you'll get:
DARKE! CLICK MOI!

Note: I didn't draw that nor do I claim ownership to it. It's just sort of what he looks like! :P

Tsuki (Last name... Not decided.)
Tsuki is not Asain... Despite the name. XD I just said all there is to say about her at this point and I'm depending solely on Christy's drawing of her at this point to show what she looks like, so you shall have to wait.

... Suckers. (To the the three people who read my blog at all.)

I also have a DISCLAIMER!
I am not emo nor am I even considering suicide. Most things in my blog are just writing as in short stories, poetry, clippings from works in progress, or just tidbits of me ranting inanely about my life (which yes, I do exaggerate...) But it is all just me trying to vent a little and get a little bit of writing quickly to my friends. (Cara, Natalie, Anna, Tyler, Rachel, and Rachael... Sometimes my mother.)
Sometimes I quote song lyrics (mostly from Meg & Dia) of the song I'm listening to, which may sound a bit... Emo, I suppose.
And Anna is a girl, not a boy. I did not meet her on the internet, she went to middle school with Natalie then moved out of state. By the way, that was a story.
I'm sorry for any confusion or worry I might have caused.

Oh and I got my class ring! I LOVE MY HIGH SCHOOL! It's so shiny and blue, I can't thank my parents enough.

Oh and...

HAPPY SEVENTEENTH RACHEL!!

News, news...
I taught my teachers how to make awesome snowflakes. I never felt so special. They've been teaching them to other teachers! Who knew that going to Young Womens could end up being so fun? Props to Jenny who invited me, by the way. Too bad I'm not going this week. Maybe next time... I really enjoyed it.

Special shout out to...
EVERYONE! Putting me in a box at school has never been oh so much fun! :P I love Britney. I can't believe she actually put me in the box... I can't believe she could even pick me up! OH AND BIG BANG THEORY WAS HILARIOUS! After Christmas I shall by today's episode.

I wonder if Moonlight will come back...
I'm going through vampire withdrawals and I really like the actress, but I can't remember her name.

I still haven't gotten anyone's Christmas present... Let alone Rachel's BIRTHDAY present! (HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!)

I'm a little over excited. All this writing recently has left me with nothing my random bursts of hyperness in the middle of Chemistry. (Grades doing a thousand times better, by the way. Having a sub helped give me more time to study.)

We're doing this AMAZING poetry book thing for Honors English. YAY FOR MULTICULTURAL POETRY!!! I'm just filled with ideas! I just hope that my teacher likes my book as much as my "A Creature" poem... She just won't let it go. It makes me feel great. (Still have to take The Traveler to her for Tyler... But I'm still too mad about that Sentence Kernels test that I got cheated out of...)

0.o Ten. Bed time. Tuckie sleeps in my room now. OMG HE GROWLED AT ME THIS MORNING! It scared me... at first. Then I got over it.

Btw, Rachel and Rachael have been just peaches recently. I want to thank them for being the two greatest Rachels in the world! (Haha.)

Night,
Alyce Shayne Heart
Queen of Teh Hypello
(HOLLA TO FINAL FANTASY X-2 AND THE HILARIOUS HYPELLO CHAPTER!)

P.S. Holiday cheer, much? Hehe.

Beautiful Disaster (Part Three)

2008-12-14T00:58:00.002-07:00

I stared out at the tops of my neighbors houses. I was sitting on my roof, right next to my window. The sun was rising over the valley and in a half an hour I would have to drive myself to school. After my little episode in the shower I thought about staying home sick, but had decided instead to attend school anyway. I could tell now that Darke would somehow change my life, I wasn't sure how, but I knew he would. I wondered if I should stay away from him, forget the meeting tonight, and if I ever saw him fake indifference and pretend that I didn't know him... But somehow it seemed so much more difficult than that.
I grabbed my book bag and tossed it onto the grass below and jumped onto Old Oaky, climbing down. I picked up my bag, took my car keys from out of my pocket and slid into my old two door Honda Civic. I fumbled with my keys, shoving one into the ignition and pulled out onto the street.
The school wasn't far from my house. It was a large school, it had to be with the number of student. Their were four hundred students in the junior class alone, my class. The back parking lot was huge, but didn't have enough room for the entirety of the student body, the sophomores had to carpool with freshmen and their parents. It was still early so I grabbed a close parking spot and walked into the school.
The hallways were nearly empty. Only a few teachers wandered from place to place as early riser students loitered at their usual places, waiting for more of their friends to show up. I threw my bag over my shoulder and walked up the stairs on my left. I came to a familiar door and knocked quietly three times. The door opened and my mythology teacher moved aside, allowing me into the room. I walked to the back of the classroom to my usual seat and sat down.
Mr. Reide shifted his large glasses and shut the door, waddling to his desk and sitting in his swivel chair. "We have a new student today," he said to me, trying to make conversation as usual.
"Do we now?" I replied.
He nodded, running his hand through his non existent hair. He did this when he was nervous or excited. "Interesting fellow. I met him earlier this morning. Certainly not much of a talker."
"What's he like?" I asked.
He rubbed his chin. "Dark hair, green eyes. His right one was bruised you know. I asked him what happened but I don't think that he ever really told me."
I paused for a moment. It had finally dawned on me who this new student was and I stared down at my desk.
An announcement came over the intercom for Mr. Reide and he apologized, leaving me in the classroom by myself. Ten minutes went by and I suffered every second. I was frightened of what would happen next. This morning, in the shower, was that... A dream? Had I passed out? Or was it some sick vision of the future?
That's when he came in, black eye and all. His hair was neater now and he was wearing a black overcoat. His skin was surprisingly light, but not much more than my own. He had dark circles under his eyes, but the emerald hue of his eyes overruled them. His eyes were bright, but to me held darkness and sadness.
He noticed me immediately, making his way to sit next to me. "Tsuki," he said, "It's really nice to see a familiar face! Despite barely knowing you..." He chuckled hollowly.
I nodded.
"You look like you haven't slept. What time did you get home?" He asked.
"About four thirty..."
He stared at me for ages and then students began to pile into the room, distracting him. Mr. Reide came in and the bell for first period rang. Mr. Reide took attendance, which always took him forever and then called the class to order.
"Mr. Lucien will you please come introduce yourself to the class?" Mr. Reide said.
Darke nodded and stood up, walking to the front of the room. He stood there awkwardly. "My name is Lucien Doyle and I just moved here three days ago..."
"Tell us three interesting facts about yourself, Mr. Doyle." Said Mr. Reide.
Why did I feel like I was back in Junior High?
"Um..." Darke shifted, "I have a little sister and..." He glanced about, "My favorite holiday is..." He honestly didn't seem to know the answer, "Valentine's day and..." He frowned and his brow furrowed, making me laugh. He looked up at me and smiled sadly.
"And his birthday is on Halloween," I said from the back of the classroom.
Everyone turned to look at me and Darke put his hands together in thanks. He came back to sit by me and Mr. Reide began to review what we'd learned in our last class.
"Since when is your name Lucien?" I asked quietly.
He shrugged. "Friends back home called me Darke. Lucien means something along the line of 'light' none of them thought that it fit me much," he paused, "So everyone called me Darke."
"What about your sister? What's her name?"
He smiled and this time I didn't see any pain, this was genuine. "Her name is Charlie. She's seven. Do you have any siblings?"
I shook my head. "I'm an only child."
"It's a shame. Charlie is... brilliant. I love having a sister. Sometimes she's the only thing that keeps me going."
The image of Darke holing the gun to his head flooded into my mind and I winced, looking away. "Well... It's good to have someone helping you to..." I looked back at him, "Hold on."
He smiled. "A guardian angel."
I agreed quietly. "A guardian angel."

Beautiful Disaster (Part Two)

2008-12-13T23:48:00.003-07:00

Later that night I opened the gate to my back yard, sneaking quietly around the house, and opened the window to my basement, crawling inside. I crept up the stairs, not even wincing as the stairs creaked; my parents were not light sleepers. I went up a second flight and opened up the door on the ceiling to the attic: My room. I closed it behind me and checked my alarm clock, it was now four thirty in the morning. I pondered trying to sleep for the hour and a half of sleep I could gain from that slim amount of time, but shrugged it off. I might as well just get ready for school.
I grabbed my robe and climbed down the makeshift ladder to the lower floor and waddled sleepily to the bathroom. I undressed and stepped into the shower, turning the water on. I let the cool stream wash over me without a shiver.
My mind flashed, I suddenly felt dizzy and very ill.
The scene formed in front of me in black and white. Darke stood before me as lighting flashed. It was raining, dark. He was bent over on the street, bleeding from cuts all over. He held a gun limply in his hand and swayed toward me. I took a step back, raising my hand, realizing that I was holding a hand gun myself. He looked up at me, his eyes wild and untamed like a starved beast. He snarled at me, sharp teeth bared. My hand shook as I held the gun pointed at him. It looked to me like he was crying as he lifted his gun up to his own head. The scene went dark and a single shot rang out. From which gun, I wasn't sure.
The next thing I knew I was back in my shower, on my knees. I coughed violently, blood swimming down the drain from my lungs.
What the hell was this?

Beautiful Disaster (Part One)

2008-12-13T19:05:00.003-07:00

It was a cold night, sometime around mid autumn. The moon shone brightly through the clouds in the sky as I walked through the dark neighborhood. It was eerily still and quiet despite the late hour. I felt like I was disturbing the stillness, but what was there to disturb? This wasn't the first time that I had taken one of these late night strolls, and it wouldn't be the last either. I turned a corner. The first few times that I went on these walks I would just wander around aimlessly, but now I knew exactly where I was headed. Most of the trees still had leaves on them, but I could still feel some shuffling beneath my feet as I walked. I noticed a car coming and ducked down behind a bush until it passed; being only sixteen I wasn't supposed to be out so late, especially on a school night. I stood there for a moment, taking in a deep breath of chilly air and then continued on my way to the park.
The park wasn't far from my house, but it was far enough that I felt like I was someplace else. When I came to the fence it didn't take a whole lot of effort to climb over it as I had many times before. There was a single light next to the playground and benches maybe thirty feet away from the swings for picnics in the summer. I climbed up the stairs on the playground, making my way up to the slides. I jumped ontop of the cover over the tallest one and perched there, staring up at the moon.
I smiled quietly, this seemed to be the only time when I felt comfortable. At night, here alone. There were only a few days until the full moon, but the moon was full enough to make the night seem bright. I closed my eyes and took another deep breath of fresh, cold air.
"Enjoying yourself?" It was a male voice from below me.
I nearly jumped, having to grab onto the slide to keep from falling. I shook from the shock of it and jumped down.
"Who are you?" I asked quietly. I wasn't sure if it was because of the cold, but my voice shook.
"Shouldn't I be asking you the same question?" I turned to where the voice was coming from. I could only see his outline. He was standing under the playground, ducking down slightly so as to not hit his head, covered by shadow.
I stayed silent, holding my ground. I heard him sigh slightly and he came out from under the platform and stood before me. His hair was disheveled and he had a black eye. He was taller than me, by a lot more than just a few inches and ten times more muscular. I was taken aback for a moment. I knew everyone around here and he didn't look familiar at all. He came closer, but I didn't step away. His hair was dark, maybe brown or black and his eyes looked green from what I could see. He was certainly handsome.
"I just moved here. My name's Darke." He said, his voice was soft but strong. I stayed quiet, not quite sure what to say. He held his hand out, prompting me to shake it. I stared blankly at him. He had introduced himself to me, but he was still a stranger.
He waited a few moments then dropped his hand. "Do you go on late night walks often? I'm sure that's not as safe for a girl as pretty as you."
I instinctively took a step back and he realized what he'd said wrong.
"Oh! Heh. I'm sorry. I didn't think before I spoke. I didn't mean to say that I was going to harm you or anything. I was just hoping to make a friend... You see, I start school here tomorrow and-"
"Wait. How old are you?" I asked, cutting him off.
"I'm sixteen. I turn seventeen last day of this month." He replied, obviously not caring that I'd cut him off.
"You're birthday's on Halloween?" I took a step closer now, feeling more comfortable.
He laughed, but somehow it felt hollow. "Afraid so. But I feel strange telling you this without even knowing your name."
I'd forgotten that I hadn't told him. "It's Tsuki."
"It's nice to meet you, Tsuki."
I nodded quietly and he reached out his hand again. This time I took it. I felt a strange surge go through me and immediately let go. Something told me that something wasn't right, but I still felt drawn to him. I heard him shudder just as I had and I stumbled backwards.
"I-I should go!" I said, spinning around and jogging away.
"Wait!" He called out. I stopped against my better judgement, not turning back around.
"Meet me here tomorrow, about the same time?" He asked.
I didn't reply, I just continued to jog away.

Dear Friend Of Mine

2008-12-08T18:32:00.002-07:00

Dear Friend of Mine,
Why do you hold on so tightly the darkness within and without? Oh Broken Child, you have all you need to shine shine through the darkness that surrounds your life, you just need to let go. Dearest friend of mine, why do you dwell so on the sorrows on the past when all we have left is the beginning of the future?
Oh my Broken Friend, you love him with all the pieces of your heart, a naive little boy that you hope will save you, all he's done is hurt you. I've done all I can to help, but all you've done is try to push me farther and farther away from you.
Shun me, hurt me, love me Dearest Friend of Mine... whatever makes you feel better. Every night before I dream I pray and plead to God to save you, for I fear that one day you will take your own life. Oh my Wilted Rose, where would we be then?
Dearest Broken Friend of Mine, you have yet to shine, as I know you should. The world would be lost without its brightest star to guide it.

Love and Hope from your Dear Friend,
A.S.H.

Note: I wrote this in the middle of the night for a friend that's going through a terrible time. I only wish her the best and hope that somehow I can give her hope. I've tried everything I can to help her, but nothing has helped. She's on the edge, ready to jump, and the only thing that can really save her is a boy that she doesn't really even know if he cares. He's hurt her so much, I hope that he makes it up to her someday.
I love you dearest friend of mine.
I'd love to see you shine someday.

Chronicles On A Dance Floor: Jess (Part 3)

2008-12-08T18:09:00.002-07:00

Billy wandered away with someone I didn't recognize, leaving me in the center of the dance floor all alone. I sighed and searched for Charlie among the crowd.
That's when I saw him.
James was standing at the bar with his hand on the waist of a girl that I have never met before. He smiled at her, his eyes practically undressing her right in front of me. My heart froze and I spun around.
Why am I here?
I looked back where he was standing, but he was gone now. I stumbled to the bar, throwing some bills onto the counter.
"Give me the best you got!" I shouted over the music at the bartender. He nodded and poured me a shot, which I drank in one swallow. "Another!" He poured me a second and I drank it down just as I had the first.
I stepped away from the bar and stared at all the overdone faces as they danced. Why are some girls so naive? I couldn't see Billy or Charlie anywhere and I was--
Oh my God, there's those eyes again. Was it just me or was he now looking right at me? He was dancing with the same girl from earlier, kissing her every now and again while I stood there and stared.
Why am I here?
I turned around, faking indifference and I walked back onto the dance floor, swaying to the music wildly by myself. I just wanted to dance, I didn't want to think of him anymore. He could never be mine. I was indifferent to him. I could feel my body edging towards the door, but instead I returned to dancing.
I'm indifferent, let me go. I couldn't let him win. I wasn't done pretending yet, I was never done pretending yet.
Never mind a heart that's broken, right?
I resumed my search for Charlie and Billy, hoping to fight his hold on me. I wandered around a bit before I found her.
Charlie was laying in a puddle of her own leftovers next to the far wall. I rushed to help her.
Why am I here? I have nothing for him now.

I have nothing for you now.

Chronicles On A Dance Floor: Charlie (Part Two)

2008-12-08T16:11:00.004-07:00

What the hell am I doing here?
The lights were dim and the room seemed smokey. The music was blaring and the whole room seemed to be moving together with the beat. Too many strangers danced around me, all of the, seemed to be enjoying themselves, while I felt completely lost.
I don't belong here.
I looked around desperately, trying to find my way out, but the lights were flashing, it was dark, and there were far too many people. I found it hard to breathe, I couldn't think straight. I just needed out before I fell apart.
I pushed past a few people and someone grabbed my hand from behind me. I turned around and he pulled me toward him. His sapphire eyes glowed in the darkness, drawing me in. The whole room seemed to slow down and the music was barely audible. He said my name softly, with such a longing that I stopped breathing. He let go of my hand and brought his up to touch my face, sending an electrical current through me. I found myself leaning into him, feeling his icy breath on my lips. I inhaled, coming closer to kissing him. I could almost taste it.
No.
I turned away from him before our lips touched, the room sped up and the music got louder. I rushed away from him, breaking inside. Someone bumped me, nearly knocking me over. I stumbled and pushed her into someone else. She raged, screaming things at me that I couldn't hear over the sirens in my head. She threw a fist at me but missed; I didn't. She bent over in pain while her friends rushed to help her.
I don't belong here.
I walked away the best I could and lent on the nearest wall for support. The whole room was spinning violently, my stomach lurched and what was left inside me was now on the floor.
I felt dizzy, empty, and I greeted the darkness of unconsciousness and I met the floor.

Chronicles On A Dance Floor: Billy (Part 1)

2008-12-08T15:20:00.005-07:00

It was girls night out and we walked into my favorite club. I was stressed and this was just the antidote that I needed. I immediately met the eyes of a handsome stranger and smiled to myself. I wasn't really looking for someone, I just wanted to dance, but I was drawn to him.
"C'mon, Jess! Let's go dance!" Jess nodded half heartily. She and Charlie followed me onto the dance floor.
I began to dance, part of me showing off. Jess followed suit, but Charlie just stood there. I tried my best to get lost in the music, but I couldn't help but get distracted by the gaze of my stranger.
"I'm going to get something to drink!" Charlie hollered over the music and she walked away through the crowd.
I knew that Charlie was uncomfortable being here and she looked like she was going to be sick, but at the moment I just didn't care. He was coming toward me.
I knew he'd come around. He took my hand, neither of us saying a word, and led me away from Jess, leaving her standing there alone. We started to dance, my heart beating faster as he moved closer, as he put his hands around my waist.
We danced together, the two of us connected. I didn't even know him, but I didn't give a damn what anyone else was thinking. He was the only thing making sense to me.
I felt so alive and my heart matched the swift beat of the music. My blood was on fire and I could feel him running through my veins. One look into his eyes and I knew what he was thinking. Neither of us wanted to stop dancing, I couldn't take it anymore, I wanted this to go one forever. No one ever made me feel this was before. Every time he touched me I wanted to disappear inside of him. I wanted to live him, breathe him, be him.
What a perfect stranger. What a perfect dance. He held me close, and we danced as one. There was no one else. Me, him, and the music. Nothing else mattered anymore.
He stopped suddenly, putting both hands on the sides of my face. His eyes searched mine for a single moment and then he kissed me.

First Time

2008-12-06T21:59:00.004-07:00

His smile was wide as he motioned for me to follow him. I stepped over another branch, but tripped and he caught me just in time.
"I should have known better to take you someplace so... dangerous." He laughed, teasing me.
I remained quiet, moving away from his grasp and looking around. Why had he taken me someplace so far from home and surrounded by trees... especially so late? It wasn't quite sunset yet, but it'd be dark by the time that we had to make our way back down the mountain and I wasn't looking forward to that. It was mid autumn and the ground was scattered with leaves of all shades, the sky nearly covered by a canvas of colorful trees above me... I stood there for a few minutes.
"We have to hurry," he said absent mindedly, "We have to make it before sunset."
I stared at him blankly, then looked around again.
"If you think that this is beautiful, then you haven't seen anything yet." His voice was deep, strong, but musical at the same time. I had to look down at my feet to keep from blushing.
He reached out his hand and I looked up. His blue eyes shone, even though we were shaded by the canopy of trees. His dark brown hair was messy and I ignored his hand, reaching up to fix it.
He rolled his eyes at me, took my hand away from his face, and held it as he led me even farther up the mountain.
"Just a little farther now..."
I nodded, despite the fact that I knew that he couldn't see me. He guided me past more trees, farther and farther toward the sky, holdng my hand the entire way. At one point he stopped, letting go of my hand and facing me.
"Close your eyes. I'll carry you the rest of the way."
I just stood there for a moment, looking into his eyes. Where are you taking me, I asked silently. He smiled reassuringly and swept me up into his strong, but soft arms. I was surprisingly comfortable and rested my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes.
I don't know if I drifted off then or if I had lost myself in some other world, but the next thing I knew he was saying my name quietly, bringing me back. I opened my eyes and found myself looking up into his. He said that it would be beautiful, he was right.
"We're here," he whispered, looking up ahead.
I followed his gaze to the wonderous view before us. He set me down on my feet and I took a step forward, letting it all soak in. The sun was setting over the valley. I could see the entire city from where we stood. Small houses and businesses, lawns and beautiful trees getting ready to greet the bitter softness of winter. I smiled at how thoughtful he was, to bring me to a secret place as wonderful as this. I turned to look at him, to show him how happy I was... He was smiling back at me. He sat down on a boulder, patted next to him, asking me to sit. I wandered over, taking my place next to him on the boulder.
"You like it?"
I nodded, but I knew that I didn't really have to answer. I looked back over the valley and watched as the sun fled and the moon rose, in awe by it's beauty. All the lights came on then, reminding me of the stars that shone brightly above. I turned to him, realizing that he was looking at me. I looked away, I could feel the blush on my face, could he see it?
"I love you." I said quietly, as if it were a secret.
He reached out his hand, turning my face towards him. He lent in, paused for a moment that seemed like forever, then kissed me.
A moment that I wished could last forever. A moment that will survive in my heart until the end of time. My first kiss, my first love.

... Me?

2008-12-06T20:41:00.003-07:00

Hard to believe, the way that things have changed.
I find it difficult to explain when my life really began. Was it the day that I was born from my mother's womb, or the day that I saw true beauty in another's eyes? I'm a simple girl, always have been. I've decided now that I'm this ways to give those that I love hope that maybe someday things will get better. Maybe my life began the day that I met my best friend, when life as I knew it would be turned upside down, inside out, and utterly insane.
She was unlike anyone I'd ever seen before; tall, beautiful, but she held herself in a way that showed that she was unsure of herself. Her eyes were a bright emerald green, it was apparent to me almost immediately that behind those eyes were hidden scars unlike any I had ever seen before. Her skin was porclein white, smooth and without any blemish. Her dark hair was short, but covered the bulk of her face, she was always trying to hide.
I was immediately drawn to her, almost overtaken by the need to comfort her. She was terribly beautiful, with an air of disaster, of darkness.
The first time I ever saw her I found it hard to speak. What could I say? I've only just met this person, this person that I so hoped that I could befriend, this person who was so real, so fragile, and so close to breaking... What could I do?
She looked down on me, not in a bad way... I couldn't help being so much smaller.
All I did that day was smile, and obviously that was what was right.
Ever since that day we've spent almost every moment we could together. We made memories, laughed, and cried together. I was the bright innocent one who didn't know pain, she was just the opposite. She intoduced me to amazing people, who I befriended almost immediately. Her and all her friends were so brilliant, they shone like stars while all I could do is stand there and take it all in.
I like to draw, she said to me one day.
I love photography, she said another.
I write, I read, I sing.
She always kept me captivated with something new.
All her friends were the same, just as talented, but in wonderfully different ways.
Did I deserve to be here, was the thought that always crossed my mind. Do I deserve such incredible people as my friends? I couldn't draw, I couldn't write, I couldn't sing... But they always said that I might.
The four of us were so different.
Be still we stay together.
These three are my friends.
"Friends," they say.
Hopefully, "Friends forever."

Aurora: Beautful, but broken. The link that keeps us all together.
Nova: Talented and different. The one that will keep us trying.
Lulu: Fun and Beaming. The ever shining light that keeps us smiling.

And Finally...

Alyce: ... Me?

The Way It Is

2008-12-04T20:59:00.003-07:00

Current Mood: To different to describe well. Hyper, but a little quiet & depressed.

The Way It Is:
Alyce
Always second best, sometimes not even that close. People change, they learn to smile when they're crying on the inside... Since I've learned to do this I haven't been myself, or maybe this is more of myself. I suppose that I'll figure it out as more time goes on.

Exiled;
No one knows my name.
Gypsy;
No one sees past my skin.
Bohemienne;
They call me sorceress, witch. They don't know what they're saying.
Traveler;
A stranger in my own home.
Bewitcher;
Not to me trusted.
Enchantress;
Nothing but a mistress.
They say that cold, black blood like that of a winter's night runs through my veins...
I. Still. Bleed.
Bleed for those that are like me
Strangers in there own skin, living their lives in their own secret sin.
Who am I, I who is not like them?

I'm not so different.
But I'm not the same.

Scars beneath my skin
Tears behind my eyes
I smile and dance
True beauty believed to be nothing but lies.

I am not an enchantress.
I am not a witch.

I'm a gypsy off to see the world
And there's quite a lot of world to see.

I have no idea what that was. Random thoughts that tie together somehow. I suppose that it comes with my obsession with gypsies after reading the A Great and Terrible Beauty series and watching Notre Dame de Paris.

Currently Listening To:
Bohemienne - Helene Segara from Notre Dame de Paris

Only Fooling Myself

2008-11-22T22:10:00.004-07:00

Current Mood: Fading

Wow. I was all expecting things to get better, but they only got worse. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I can't concentrate on school at all and it seems like the world wants me to spend all my time by myself... Well. That was the beginning of last week and all of last week, as for right now things are a little bit better, and the high from Bingham Ball has kept me going... So... Yes.

Like homework and cleaning my room. These things need some SERIOUS attention. XD

What else to say? My family is having a small Thanksgiving this year. Just my Grams from my mom's side, my mom, my dad, and my brother. That's it. I can't even express how happy I am about this. The last few years my dads side of the family has come over, and none of them like me... So this is a thousand times better. I still have to go to my aunt's house for a few hours after dinner, but I can deal with a short bit of torture. :)

Christmas is coming up so I'm pretty ecstatic. My mom's side of the family comes over on Christmas Eve and it's always a ton of fun and hyperness that I really enjoy. They're all older than me, but somehow I deal with that better than my somewhat immature cousins on my dad's side. I also have second cousins on my moms side that are still toddlers and hence very much fun to play with. :D

I'm happy that I don't sound very depressing this time, must be a good sign. :P

I've been really sick. I get these random stomach aches out of nowhere that make me want to explode and implode all at once. They hurt like hell, but in between them I feel perfectly fine. It's strange. I wish that I could go to a doctor, but as of right now we don't have health insurance... Stupid economy and job losses.

Hot N Cold is pretty funny. I love Katy Perry. She's hilarious. You either love her or hate her, there's really no gray area there.

School Musical = So much cooler than High School Musical. Better acting AND voices.

Maybe if I had magical powers... Not that she does... But maybe she does... Does she? Wow. I do sound insane.

Now I'm just rambling. I'm never able to just stick to one subject. Darn. I do the same things in my journals for English... At least my teacher doesn't read them.

Anyway...

Buh-bye for now.

Until We Meet Again Under The Blue Moon,
Alyce

Currently Listening To:
Only Fooling Myself - Kate Voegele

A Creature

2008-11-05T21:39:00.005-07:00

Note: This was written quite some time ago. Due to technical issues it failed to post. So... here it is now. :P

Current Mood: Conflicted

Okay.
A heart to heart here, yes?
Not that anyone besides Rachel is paying much attention, but that makes things easier. Haha.

I'm only human. Sometimes everyone expects me to do more.
It snowed today. I didn't admit it to anyone, but I rather enjoyed it. Snow washes everything away. A new beginning is what we all need.

I wrote a poem and showed it to a few of my friends... It was my scream for help... No one really realized it. I just wanted somebody to ask, "Hey, Alyce. Are you okay?"
BTW, Rachel, not you. You've been amazingly nice lately. Again, thank you. And good luck with trying harder. I think that I might try a little bit harder too.

Here's my poem.

A Creature

Step, left.
Hello.
Step, right.
How’re you?
Step, smile.
A small creature goes through the motions
A small creature that is broken.
Step, nod.
Still, pause.
Stand, listen.
A creature cries
She’s lost
She longs to love
“All I can be is me.” She whispers.
Strangers pass by, weary.
Always weary.
She longs to be loved.
Step, shake.
Step, turn.
Sit, stand.
How can someone love something that can’t be found?
A creature, still.
A creature, always.
A creature lost and a creature broken.
“All I can be is me!” She shouts.
Still unheard.
A terribly beautiful creature.
A beautifully terrible girl.
Step, smile.
Step, laugh.
Hollow and Hidden.
“All I can be is me!”
She screams at her strangers.
“Which just happens to be an act.”
Sit.
Stand.
Wave.
Good-bye.
Turn, walk away.
An indifferent creature.
An indifferent girl.

By: Alyce Shayne Heart
A.S.H.

There it is... And yes, I do see myself as the Creature, as the Girl. Maybe not with quite as many issues, I exaggerated a bit, but I feel like there's a lot of people who go through these types of emotions. I had to write about it.

Anyway...
My mom will realize that I've been on the computer for ever and get mad, so I must "Go to Bed." Haha. I spend a lot of time just sitting there. Maybe I should count sheep! I love sheep! They're so cute and so fluffy! Um. Yeah. Lol.

Sometime I WILL review something. I must. :P

Until We Meet Again Under The Blue Moon,
Alyce

Currently Listening To:
I'd Rather Be In Love - Michelle Branch

Thanks

2008-11-01T22:23:00.003-06:00

Current Mood: Indifferent

This one goes out to Rachel who obviously read my last post and realized that I was having kind of a hard time.
THANKS A TON! I FRIGGIN LOVE YOU! ^^ It's good to have friends who care!

You too, Rachael. :P

Where to begin... Where to begin.

So I finally asked my friend David to Bingham Ball and he said yes! I honestly think that he's more excited than I am. Hehe.

I think that I'm finally over the whole, um... AT thing. Killing him wouldn't help anything. He's semi-forgiven. All this because he smiled at me and actually said something when I spoke to him. (Ha. Ha.) I just hope that he'll learn from this and not do something like it again. Besides, I have better things to waste my energy on than giving him the stink eye.

I've been sick recently and my mood keeps going up and down, like I'm bipolar or something. Somehow it seems like when I just sit around and do nothing is when I'm the most secure, so I haven't really been out much. I just need to relax for awhile, I'm sick of drama. Ha. I sound so... Prep or something. Oh, well. I honestly don't care that much. I'm trying really hard to just concentrate on one subject for awhile... I'm feeling my mind jump from place to place.

Now right here for the whole world to see...

I've been hooked on Fable II! It's FANTASTIC! I can't even begin to tell you about it...

Anyway...
I'm in writing mode.
I must right.

Currently Listening To:
Footsteps

Masterpiece

2008-10-14T20:32:00.004-06:00

I am no masterpiece at all.

I'm in kind of an odd state of emotion right now.
I'm stranded somewhere between depression, excitement, resentment, vengeance, nervousness, and indifference. It's strange, being able to feel so many different things at once, not being able to choose any one way to feel. There was a time when I was able to control my emotions, keep them in check, but not anymore. I'm just about as stable as our economy. (Heh, heh. Political joke.) Sometimes it takes everything I have not to just throw up my hands and scream, "Screw the world!" and go on a killing spree... Well, maybe I'd kill just one person, but somehow, as sad as it is, my life would be a lot easier without him.

Too bad I held on, when you tried to tell me this was wrong... Well, is this wrong?

I'm worried about Val, well... Really, I worry about her all the time. I'm just quite the little worry wart.

I can't even try to... remember what I knew, before I became your model to claim. No.

We've been talking about Transcendentalism in my english class and it's gotten me to thinking a bit, and I'm going to write my own way of life. (Hehe.) My own Creed. Hmm.
I decided #1 on my way to lunch today. "Make people wonder, they need the exercise."
Transcendentalism is a great thing, it's similar to the way I live now, have always lived. Funny, how things work out that way. What way? I have no idea, I just felt like saying that.

Seems as if everyone has somebody to be with but me... Maybe this sort of loneliness is what I live for. I have to be free to help everyone else. I like helping others. I do.

You're my best friend, she says. You're a horrible friend, she says. You love too easily, she says. You don't love me, she says. I'm over him. He's all I think about. He's an idiot. He's the most amazing person I've ever met. We have so much to laugh about. We have nothing in common. I forgot to tell you. You forgot what I said. I love you. I hate you. Friends forever. Not anymore.

Tell me, what is there that's worth living for? I live for you. I live for life, laughter... Love.
How can you live if the one person you care most for in the world says that you'll never be loved? Sometimes I think that I'll always love others, but not be loved in return. It's a relief when someone cares enough to even say hi... to give me a hug... to give me a compliment, no matter how small.
Is anyone even listening? I'm beginning to wonder.

I've told you everything, but you haven't heard it. The sun is there, but do we see it?

Take a glance, feel a shiver, move on. Life is selfishness. Life is always moving forward, never taking in the sights, not remembering the past for what it is.

I finally know what wrong is.

Oh. What would it feel like to smile without regretting what comes next? I'm always afraid. Always stepping carefully. One wrong movement could set off a bomb... It's happened before.

I write to feel. I write to live what I'll never really know. I am words, making up a story, a story with no ending, just a stop.

I'm making my class ring. It actually looks pretty nice. The sum should come up to a little less than four hundred... It's an expensive memory. Who knew that time would bring us to a place in our lives where we have to pay for our memories? Huh. I sound emo.

Cutting is for losers who have nothing better to do with their time and need attention.

My scars have yet to heal.
One step at a time. Letting go, holding on. It depends on how you phrase it. Texting is overrated. Dumping someone over text is a horrible thing to do... Not that it's ever happened to me. I've never even had an actual boyfriend, but that's a good thing. I doubt that I could handle it.

Step, smile. Step, smile. Laugh. Pose. Act. Move left. Right. Speak. Silence.

I am who I am, which just happens to be an act.

Now I finally know that you bleed for nothing.

I actually think like this. Random as it is. I'm just typing as it comes. I had to write a monologue for my theatre class last year, and something that my teacher said was that a lot of the time we don't think in full sentences, and some of the things that go through our heads only make sense to us... She was right.

Sometimes, after I finish a book, I think like a novel. It's during this time that I write the best.

The ocean is wide, [Insert Cheesy Quote Here.]

If you look close enough you can hear my screams as you walk away.

Emonessssssssssssssss. I want to stop sounding emo.

Something nice...
Something nice...

I'm asking a friend to Bingham Ball, I wonder if he'll say yes... Fingers crossed!

Today I wandered through the woods. They were dark, cold... Just like your heart.

Ohhhhhhhh. Buuuuuuurn.

Ur So Gay! Haha. That one's for you Val.

Anyway. My dad is behind me, not paying attention, but still...

Until we meet again under the blue moon,
Alyce

Currently Listening To:
Masterpiece - Meg & Dia

Rachel

2008-09-28T20:59:00.005-06:00

Current Mood: Blase

I met Rachel through Rachael and I haven't known her for as long as I've known Rachael, but long enough to know what kind of person she is. (Yes, everyone I know is in fact named Rachel. :P )
Rachel may seem odd at first, and to tell the truth I was a little frightened of her when we first met, but really she's different in a good way. You'll never find another person like her no matter how hard you look. She enjoys listening to obscure bands and singers, wearing crazy clothes, cackling at Rachael's neighbors on Halloween, and writing about characters that stalk their neighbors with cameras... (Resemblance, maybe?) She's amazing at everything she does, just like most of my friends, and enjoys doing just about everything. With an interest in fashion that includes reading Vogue and chatting to me about what Audrey Hepburn would have worn, she also has an avid interest in photography, writing, drawing, acting, singing, and surprising her friends on a daily basis.
Rachel has shown a love for comics as long as I've known her and her love of Iron Man, The Joker, Batman, and Wolverine, came as no surprise to me as this year came along.

Rachel is the type of person who despite being one of the best, always encourages you to try everything. She's inspirational, brilliant, and friendly. If you ever get a chance to meet her, you better jump at it because there's no doubt in my mind that it'll be worth your while.

Things Related to our Friendship:
Kingdom Hearts, Charmed, Resident Evil, Leon Scott Kennedy, Writing, the word "Friction", Meg & Dia, Classic Skating, Jeff, Sultry, Apples To Apples, Candles, DDR, Konichiwa Bitches, "The Book", Monster, Trees, Dawnie, Tech, Sophie, Final Fantasy, Window Washing, The Joker, Roleplaying, Reno, Audrey Hepburn, Theatre, Auditions, Chalk The Walk, Dungeons And Dragons, ... And much, much more.

Until We Meet Again Under the Blue Moon,
Alyce

My Dedicated Song:
Angry Johnny - Poe

Things change, but life goes on.
We don't want to believe that we'll lose
the ones we love
the ones who make us...
us.
Don't ever forget
Don't ever think that you aren't loved
Because no matter how far you travel
How fuzzy things get
We'll always be here in you.
We'll always love you.

Friends Forever.

Thanks, Rachel!

Note: I know that Angry Johnny as my choice is a little confusing, but it has to do with some stuff that happened in Tech in the Ninth Grade with some very afraid eighth graders.... Hehehe.

Rachael

2008-09-26T20:27:00.006-06:00

Current Mood: Dizzy

I've known Rachael for only a few years, but we became fast friends. Becoming friends with her kind of set off this whole new era of my life that I've just now entitled "The Opened Eye, Creative Times." Without Rachael I wouldn't be the person that I am today. I've changed a lot since I've known her, and in good ways. She's one of those people that just makes you want to be better, and now... I am better.

Rachael has had quite a difficult life, things that I have no right to discuss with anyone besides her. I believe that it's because of these things that she's so sensitive to those around her. When you have a problem, she usually knows just what to say to put things into perspective.

Rachael has many talents including; Writing, Drawing, Painting, Photography, and Guitar Playin'. She succeeds at just about everything she does with such unbelievable grace that most of the time I can't help but feel a little envious.

Things Related to our Friendship:
Hearts, Resident Evil, Leon Scott Kennedy, Writing, the word "Friction", Meg & Dia, The Veronicas, Rockband, Bioshock, Condemned, Classic Skating, Silent Hill, Sultry, Apples To Apples, The Office, Friends, Kathy Griffin, Candles, DDR, Pepsi, Konichiwa Bitches, Writing, "The Book", Hook Me Up, Monster, Trees, Dawnie, Tech, Sophie, Tucker, Play N Trade... And much, much more.

Until We Meet Again Under the Blue Moon,
Alyce

My Dedicated Song:
There For You - Flyleaf

Don't ever forget what we live for.
Don't ever forget who makes you, you.
Your friends reflect who you are and what you stand for.
Your past, your future, your dreams, and all your love.
I'll never forget this feeling.
And I'll never let it go.
Someday I hope to return all you've given me, with three times as much love.

I live for you,
I live from you,
I am you.

Friends Forever.

Thanks, Rachael.

Hurt Me

2008-09-26T19:49:00.001-06:00

Current Mood: Exhausted

I went to my old friend Melissa's house today... Strange how she can always make me feel better. I was really happy with things until her friend Rily came over. I had never met Rily until then and it made me feel awkward. I didn't mind her, I was just a bit quieter after she came. I did like her a bit, so it's not that I didn't like her... I'm just a bit shy.

After I got home at about six thirty I chased Tucker, my Cairn Terrier, around the neighborhood for about a half an hour. Now I'm tired, dehydrated, and my legs feel heavy. The interesting thing about chasing him was that only three people tried to help me, and I saw about thirty or so people. (I went pretty far, chasing him down.) The first person who helped me I recognized as Melissa's friend's Rebecca's dad. I only knew that it was him because he was walking Rebecca's dog. It's way cute! It's some sort of chihuaua mix and they got it not long after I got Tuckie. The other two people who tried to help me only did so because I was in their yard... and they had dogs... or children... Otherwise I could bet that they would have ignored me. But what really bothered me was that Tucker would run straight up to people and jump on them (He's very small) and they'd just stand there and look at him! WTF?! Why didn't they try to grab him?! Crazies! I'm, like, near tears because I'm so exhausted and I'm yelling his name and they just stand there going "Aww, what a cute doggy!" ... ANYWAY!

Now that I've ranted about that...

I've decided to start a blog series on each of my friends. A little dedication, with my "Currently Listening To" being a song dedicated to them. It'll also help me with my sort story that I'm writing about them...

It might take me awhile to get the first few up, as I want them to be as close to perfect as I can get. I'll try to see if I can include pictures and all of that good stuff.

Another thing that I'd like to do is my "Must" corner. Just information on must-sees, must-reads, and the like.

Also included... My ratings, reviews, and rants on books, artists, songs, TV shows, games, and movies.

Then just my general life.

I want these blogs to be my best yet, so you're in for quite a bumpy ride. Hehe.

Until We Meet Again Under the Blue Moon,
A.S.H.

Currently Listening To:
Hurt Me - Kerli

Broken

2008-09-26T00:51:00.000-06:00

Current Mood: Lost & Broken

Have you ever felt broken? Like there's something wrong with you, but you can't quite figure out what the problem is? I feel this way a lot, which comes as a surprise to me. I spend most of my time trying to help my friends, I mean honestly... I just don't have time for any of my own problems, good thing that I don't have many, but then why do I feel so broken?! It just doesn't make sense. Oh well, everyone is depressed over nothing every once and a while.

I'll get over it.

How can someone love something that's lost?

I recently got a Facebook account... If you can find me, then you can add me. ;)

A sequel to one of my all time favorite games is coming out in twenty five days, I'm excited! But... I'm afraid that I don't have the money to buy it. Fable II shall have to wait until I get a job, Christmas, or my birthday. Jeez... I hope that I don't have to wait until my Birthday.

Observation Of The Day:
If you smile at a stranger they'll either think it's creepy, ignore you, or smile back. More testing needed.

Currently Listening To:
Broken - Lifehouse

A Look Into Whom I Trust

2008-09-26T00:42:00.000-06:00

Original Date: Saturday, January 13, 2007
Current Mood(Then): Determined

Heh...

I watched 13 Going on 30 again a few days ago.. I love that movie!

Last night I slept over at Rachael's house... It was fun! We were way hyper! I snuck a few Pepsi's to her house... life is more fun with caffeine! We played Resident evil and called Rachel (Other Rachel) and left a bunch of really hyper high-pitched screaming messages with background music! Heh...

But later we had a really good discussion. I haven't talked like that since Christina's party when I told Rebecca about Zach's problem... Rebecca really is a good listener, but she's also good at making me feel better about things. She's always been like that, I guess. So... Rachael and I were talking and she asked me why I was "friends" with Mysta... I really don't know why... Mysta is a horrible person, but I've known her since the second grade. Rachael said that Mysta was more like an "Accomplice" she said that Mysta kinda uses me and I get nothing out of the friendship but depression... I guess that's true... My mom said something like that once... We also talked about her Dad... I feel so bad for her.

I've only known Rachael for about a year (If even that), but feel like we've been friends a long time. I'm really not the type of person to talk to people if I haven't known them for very long, but I know that Rachael is a really good person... She even said the same thing... She said that she didn't know why but... "I can tell that you're a good person, and I know that I can trust you." It felt nice to hear something like that, especially because I really do think that I'm a horrible person... not openly... just sometimes I can be really selfish and I hate myself for it...

Anyway... Thanks, Rachael. You're a good person too, and I trust you.

She asked me what my impression of her was when we first met she said, "I used to think that you were ignoring me because you didn't like me." I was not ignoring her! I'm just a shy person, besides I didn't think that she liked me! (Heh...)

Now... I'm coming clean. I'm going to tell Mysta how much I really hate her... It's about time that someone showed her how manipulative she really is and that she really isn't the only one with problems. (She really acts like that, I'm not joking!) She lies to me, acts like someone she's not, she seeks attention and will do anything thing to get it, she's selfish, annoyingly boy crazy, and she's my friend... I'm not just doing this for me. I'm doing this for the whole school, and that includes even her. Watch out, I'm coming Mysta.

I hope that no one will get hurt, but I don't think I've ever hated anyone more in my entire life. Actually, I don't hate people. After my friend told me she hated me in the 6th grade, I realized how strong the word Hate really is... My friend, Jenny, told me, "Dislike is the opposite of Like, and Hate is the opposite of Love." After the incident in the 6th grade I decided that I wouldn't hate anyone... no matter how bad they are, but Mysta... she's the friend that told me she hated me. I had never felt so hurt in my entire life... yesterday I asked her about it and she didn't even remember... that's when I decided "I'll change things." And I will.

Starting Tuesday things will be different, and I'm making sure of that.

Until we meet again under the blue moon,

Alex

Currently Listening To:
The Kill - 30 Seconds To Mars

Introduction

2008-09-26T00:30:00.001-06:00

Current Mood: Trippy

My name is Alex, but because of the abundance of people named Alex I go by Alyce. Call me whichever you most prefer.
I'm a teenager not much different from any other. I like listening to music, watching tv... Well, just look at my interests.

Not too long ago I started what's called a "Space" on MSN for my messenger friends to read, but no one really even knows it exists. I'm just going to post my first blog from there onto here due to my laziness.

-----------

Alright. I suppose that I shall see how this works.
Not many people know this, but I have a passion for blogging. No one knows this because no one on MySpace has taken the time to read my blog. :P So I figured maybe, just maybe, some of my MSN friends might take a little gander at what I have in my mind.

Some of the blog that I add might just be copied and pasted from my MySpace, but considering how much I hate that sight... Maybe not. All will be revealed in time.

For those of you already getting bored, this blog is more for me than it is for you. I enjoy looking back on what I've written without having to keep it in a diary and hide it from everyone. Hence the reason why it's all out here for you to read. I'm not the type of person who likes to hide things, so chances are I'll pour out my whole life in this blog for you to read without even really thinking about it.

So my time as an MSN blogger has reached it's beginning. Shall I call it my birth? Hmm... Interesting thought.

--------

Does that help you understand me a bit? Not really? Well, all in time...

Until We Meet Again Under the Blue Moon,
A.S.H.
(Alyce Shayne Heart)

Currently Listening To:
LDN - Lily Allen