First Time

His smile was wide as he motioned for me to follow him. I stepped over another branch, but tripped and he caught me just in time.
"I should have known better to take you someplace so... dangerous." He laughed, teasing me.
I remained quiet, moving away from his grasp and looking around. Why had he taken me someplace so far from home and surrounded by trees... especially so late? It wasn't quite sunset yet, but it'd be dark by the time that we had to make our way back down the mountain and I wasn't looking forward to that. It was mid autumn and the ground was scattered with leaves of all shades, the sky nearly covered by a canvas of colorful trees above me... I stood there for a few minutes.
"We have to hurry," he said absent mindedly, "We have to make it before sunset."
I stared at him blankly, then looked around again.
"If you think that this is beautiful, then you haven't seen anything yet." His voice was deep, strong, but musical at the same time. I had to look down at my feet to keep from blushing.
He reached out his hand and I looked up. His blue eyes shone, even though we were shaded by the canopy of trees. His dark brown hair was messy and I ignored his hand, reaching up to fix it.
He rolled his eyes at me, took my hand away from his face, and held it as he led me even farther up the mountain.
"Just a little farther now..."
I nodded, despite the fact that I knew that he couldn't see me. He guided me past more trees, farther and farther toward the sky, holdng my hand the entire way. At one point he stopped, letting go of my hand and facing me.
"Close your eyes. I'll carry you the rest of the way."
I just stood there for a moment, looking into his eyes. Where are you taking me, I asked silently. He smiled reassuringly and swept me up into his strong, but soft arms. I was surprisingly comfortable and rested my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes.
I don't know if I drifted off then or if I had lost myself in some other world, but the next thing I knew he was saying my name quietly, bringing me back. I opened my eyes and found myself looking up into his. He said that it would be beautiful, he was right.
"We're here," he whispered, looking up ahead.
I followed his gaze to the wonderous view before us. He set me down on my feet and I took a step forward, letting it all soak in. The sun was setting over the valley. I could see the entire city from where we stood. Small houses and businesses, lawns and beautiful trees getting ready to greet the bitter softness of winter. I smiled at how thoughtful he was, to bring me to a secret place as wonderful as this. I turned to look at him, to show him how happy I was... He was smiling back at me. He sat down on a boulder, patted next to him, asking me to sit. I wandered over, taking my place next to him on the boulder.
"You like it?"
I nodded, but I knew that I didn't really have to answer. I looked back over the valley and watched as the sun fled and the moon rose, in awe by it's beauty. All the lights came on then, reminding me of the stars that shone brightly above. I turned to him, realizing that he was looking at me. I looked away, I could feel the blush on my face, could he see it?
"I love you." I said quietly, as if it were a secret.
He reached out his hand, turning my face towards him. He lent in, paused for a moment that seemed like forever, then kissed me.
A moment that I wished could last forever. A moment that will survive in my heart until the end of time. My first kiss, my first love.

... Me?

Hard to believe, the way that things have changed.
I find it difficult to explain when my life really began. Was it the day that I was born from my mother's womb, or the day that I saw true beauty in another's eyes? I'm a simple girl, always have been. I've decided now that I'm this ways to give those that I love hope that maybe someday things will get better. Maybe my life began the day that I met my best friend, when life as I knew it would be turned upside down, inside out, and utterly insane.
She was unlike anyone I'd ever seen before; tall, beautiful, but she held herself in a way that showed that she was unsure of herself. Her eyes were a bright emerald green, it was apparent to me almost immediately that behind those eyes were hidden scars unlike any I had ever seen before. Her skin was porclein white, smooth and without any blemish. Her dark hair was short, but covered the bulk of her face, she was always trying to hide.
I was immediately drawn to her, almost overtaken by the need to comfort her. She was terribly beautiful, with an air of disaster, of darkness.
The first time I ever saw her I found it hard to speak. What could I say? I've only just met this person, this person that I so hoped that I could befriend, this person who was so real, so fragile, and so close to breaking... What could I do?
She looked down on me, not in a bad way... I couldn't help being so much smaller.
All I did that day was smile, and obviously that was what was right.
Ever since that day we've spent almost every moment we could together. We made memories, laughed, and cried together. I was the bright innocent one who didn't know pain, she was just the opposite. She intoduced me to amazing people, who I befriended almost immediately. Her and all her friends were so brilliant, they shone like stars while all I could do is stand there and take it all in.
I like to draw, she said to me one day.
I love photography, she said another.
I write, I read, I sing.
She always kept me captivated with something new.
All her friends were the same, just as talented, but in wonderfully different ways.
Did I deserve to be here, was the thought that always crossed my mind. Do I deserve such incredible people as my friends? I couldn't draw, I couldn't write, I couldn't sing... But they always said that I might.
The four of us were so different.
Be still we stay together.
These three are my friends.
"Friends," they say.
Hopefully, "Friends forever."

Aurora: Beautful, but broken. The link that keeps us all together.
Nova: Talented and different. The one that will keep us trying.
Lulu: Fun and Beaming. The ever shining light that keeps us smiling.

And Finally...

Alyce: ... Me?

The Way It Is

Current Mood: To different to describe well. Hyper, but a little quiet & depressed.

The Way It Is:
Alyce
Always second best, sometimes not even that close. People change, they learn to smile when they're crying on the inside... Since I've learned to do this I haven't been myself, or maybe this is more of myself. I suppose that I'll figure it out as more time goes on.

Exiled;
No one knows my name.
Gypsy;
No one sees past my skin.
Bohemienne;
They call me sorceress, witch. They don't know what they're saying.
Traveler;
A stranger in my own home.
Bewitcher;
Not to me trusted.
Enchantress;
Nothing but a mistress.
They say that cold, black blood like that of a winter's night runs through my veins...
I. Still. Bleed.
Bleed for those that are like me
Strangers in there own skin, living their lives in their own secret sin.
Who am I, I who is not like them?

I'm not so different.
But I'm not the same.

Scars beneath my skin
Tears behind my eyes
I smile and dance
True beauty believed to be nothing but lies.

I am not an enchantress.
I am not a witch.

I'm a gypsy off to see the world
And there's quite a lot of world to see.




I have no idea what that was. Random thoughts that tie together somehow. I suppose that it comes with my obsession with gypsies after reading the A Great and Terrible Beauty series and watching Notre Dame de Paris.

Currently Listening To:
Bohemienne - Helene Segara from Notre Dame de Paris

Only Fooling Myself

Current Mood: Fading

Wow. I was all expecting things to get better, but they only got worse. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I can't concentrate on school at all and it seems like the world wants me to spend all my time by myself... Well. That was the beginning of last week and all of last week, as for right now things are a little bit better, and the high from Bingham Ball has kept me going... So... Yes.

Like homework and cleaning my room. These things need some SERIOUS attention. XD

What else to say? My family is having a small Thanksgiving this year. Just my Grams from my mom's side, my mom, my dad, and my brother. That's it. I can't even express how happy I am about this. The last few years my dads side of the family has come over, and none of them like me... So this is a thousand times better. I still have to go to my aunt's house for a few hours after dinner, but I can deal with a short bit of torture. :)

Christmas is coming up so I'm pretty ecstatic. My mom's side of the family comes over on Christmas Eve and it's always a ton of fun and hyperness that I really enjoy. They're all older than me, but somehow I deal with that better than my somewhat immature cousins on my dad's side. I also have second cousins on my moms side that are still toddlers and hence very much fun to play with. :D

I'm happy that I don't sound very depressing this time, must be a good sign. :P

I've been really sick. I get these random stomach aches out of nowhere that make me want to explode and implode all at once. They hurt like hell, but in between them I feel perfectly fine. It's strange. I wish that I could go to a doctor, but as of right now we don't have health insurance... Stupid economy and job losses.

Hot N Cold is pretty funny. I love Katy Perry. She's hilarious. You either love her or hate her, there's really no gray area there.

School Musical = So much cooler than High School Musical. Better acting AND voices.

Maybe if I had magical powers... Not that she does... But maybe she does... Does she? Wow. I do sound insane.

Now I'm just rambling. I'm never able to just stick to one subject. Darn. I do the same things in my journals for English... At least my teacher doesn't read them.

Anyway...

Buh-bye for now.

Until We Meet Again Under The Blue Moon,
Alyce

Currently Listening To:
Only Fooling Myself - Kate Voegele

A Creature

Note: This was written quite some time ago. Due to technical issues it failed to post. So... here it is now. :P

Current Mood: Conflicted

Okay.
A heart to heart here, yes?
Not that anyone besides Rachel is paying much attention, but that makes things easier. Haha.

I'm only human. Sometimes everyone expects me to do more.
It snowed today. I didn't admit it to anyone, but I rather enjoyed it. Snow washes everything away. A new beginning is what we all need.

I wrote a poem and showed it to a few of my friends... It was my scream for help... No one really realized it. I just wanted somebody to ask, "Hey, Alyce. Are you okay?"
BTW, Rachel, not you. You've been amazingly nice lately. Again, thank you. And good luck with trying harder. I think that I might try a little bit harder too.

Here's my poem.

A Creature

Step, left.
Hello.
Step, right.
How’re you?
Step, smile.
A small creature goes through the motions
A small creature that is broken.
Step, nod.
Still, pause.
Stand, listen.
A creature cries
She’s lost
She longs to love
“All I can be is me.” She whispers.
Strangers pass by, weary.
Always weary.
She longs to be loved.
Step, shake.
Step, turn.
Sit, stand.
How can someone love something that can’t be found?
A creature, still.
A creature, always.
A creature lost and a creature broken.
“All I can be is me!” She shouts.
Still unheard.
A terribly beautiful creature.
A beautifully terrible girl.
Step, smile.
Step, laugh.
Hollow and Hidden.
“All I can be is me!”
She screams at her strangers.
“Which just happens to be an act.”
Sit.
Stand.
Wave.
Good-bye.
Turn, walk away.
An indifferent creature.
An indifferent girl.

By: Alyce Shayne Heart
A.S.H.


There it is... And yes, I do see myself as the Creature, as the Girl. Maybe not with quite as many issues, I exaggerated a bit, but I feel like there's a lot of people who go through these types of emotions. I had to write about it.

Anyway...
My mom will realize that I've been on the computer for ever and get mad, so I must "Go to Bed." Haha. I spend a lot of time just sitting there. Maybe I should count sheep! I love sheep! They're so cute and so fluffy! Um. Yeah. Lol.

Sometime I WILL review something. I must. :P

Until We Meet Again Under The Blue Moon,
Alyce

Currently Listening To:
I'd Rather Be In Love - Michelle Branch

Thanks

Current Mood: Indifferent

This one goes out to Rachel who obviously read my last post and realized that I was having kind of a hard time.
THANKS A TON! I FRIGGIN LOVE YOU! ^^ It's good to have friends who care!

You too, Rachael. :P

Where to begin... Where to begin.

So I finally asked my friend David to Bingham Ball and he said yes! I honestly think that he's more excited than I am. Hehe.

I think that I'm finally over the whole, um... AT thing. Killing him wouldn't help anything. He's semi-forgiven. All this because he smiled at me and actually said something when I spoke to him. (Ha. Ha.) I just hope that he'll learn from this and not do something like it again. Besides, I have better things to waste my energy on than giving him the stink eye.

I've been sick recently and my mood keeps going up and down, like I'm bipolar or something. Somehow it seems like when I just sit around and do nothing is when I'm the most secure, so I haven't really been out much. I just need to relax for awhile, I'm sick of drama. Ha. I sound so... Prep or something. Oh, well. I honestly don't care that much. I'm trying really hard to just concentrate on one subject for awhile... I'm feeling my mind jump from place to place.

Now right here for the whole world to see...

I've been hooked on Fable II! It's FANTASTIC! I can't even begin to tell you about it...

Anyway...
I'm in writing mode.
I must right.

Currently Listening To:
Footsteps

Masterpiece

I am no masterpiece at all.

I'm in kind of an odd state of emotion right now.
I'm stranded somewhere between depression, excitement, resentment, vengeance, nervousness, and indifference. It's strange, being able to feel so many different things at once, not being able to choose any one way to feel. There was a time when I was able to control my emotions, keep them in check, but not anymore. I'm just about as stable as our economy. (Heh, heh. Political joke.) Sometimes it takes everything I have not to just throw up my hands and scream, "Screw the world!" and go on a killing spree... Well, maybe I'd kill just one person, but somehow, as sad as it is, my life would be a lot easier without him.

Too bad I held on, when you tried to tell me this was wrong... Well, is this wrong?

I'm worried about Val, well... Really, I worry about her all the time. I'm just quite the little worry wart.

I can't even try to... remember what I knew, before I became your model to claim. No.

We've been talking about Transcendentalism in my english class and it's gotten me to thinking a bit, and I'm going to write my own way of life. (Hehe.) My own Creed. Hmm.
I decided #1 on my way to lunch today. "Make people wonder, they need the exercise."
Transcendentalism is a great thing, it's similar to the way I live now, have always lived. Funny, how things work out that way. What way? I have no idea, I just felt like saying that.

Seems as if everyone has somebody to be with but me... Maybe this sort of loneliness is what I live for. I have to be free to help everyone else. I like helping others. I do.

You're my best friend, she says. You're a horrible friend, she says. You love too easily, she says. You don't love me, she says. I'm over him. He's all I think about. He's an idiot. He's the most amazing person I've ever met. We have so much to laugh about. We have nothing in common. I forgot to tell you. You forgot what I said. I love you. I hate you. Friends forever. Not anymore.

Tell me, what is there that's worth living for? I live for you. I live for life, laughter... Love.
How can you live if the one person you care most for in the world says that you'll never be loved? Sometimes I think that I'll always love others, but not be loved in return. It's a relief when someone cares enough to even say hi... to give me a hug... to give me a compliment, no matter how small.
Is anyone even listening? I'm beginning to wonder.

I've told you everything, but you haven't heard it. The sun is there, but do we see it?

Take a glance, feel a shiver, move on. Life is selfishness. Life is always moving forward, never taking in the sights, not remembering the past for what it is.

I finally know what wrong is.

Oh. What would it feel like to smile without regretting what comes next? I'm always afraid. Always stepping carefully. One wrong movement could set off a bomb... It's happened before.

I write to feel. I write to live what I'll never really know. I am words, making up a story, a story with no ending, just a stop.

I'm making my class ring. It actually looks pretty nice. The sum should come up to a little less than four hundred... It's an expensive memory. Who knew that time would bring us to a place in our lives where we have to pay for our memories? Huh. I sound emo.

Cutting is for losers who have nothing better to do with their time and need attention.

My scars have yet to heal.
One step at a time. Letting go, holding on. It depends on how you phrase it. Texting is overrated. Dumping someone over text is a horrible thing to do... Not that it's ever happened to me. I've never even had an actual boyfriend, but that's a good thing. I doubt that I could handle it.

Step, smile. Step, smile. Laugh. Pose. Act. Move left. Right. Speak. Silence.

I am who I am, which just happens to be an act.

Now I finally know that you bleed for nothing.

I actually think like this. Random as it is. I'm just typing as it comes. I had to write a monologue for my theatre class last year, and something that my teacher said was that a lot of the time we don't think in full sentences, and some of the things that go through our heads only make sense to us... She was right.

Sometimes, after I finish a book, I think like a novel. It's during this time that I write the best.

The ocean is wide, [Insert Cheesy Quote Here.]

If you look close enough you can hear my screams as you walk away.

Emonessssssssssssssss. I want to stop sounding emo.

Something nice...
Something nice...

I'm asking a friend to Bingham Ball, I wonder if he'll say yes... Fingers crossed!

Today I wandered through the woods. They were dark, cold... Just like your heart.

Ohhhhhhhh. Buuuuuuurn.

Ur So Gay! Haha. That one's for you Val.

Anyway. My dad is behind me, not paying attention, but still...

Until we meet again under the blue moon,
Alyce

Currently Listening To:
Masterpiece - Meg & Dia