This is my negative rant. I frown upon negativity, but I simply feel the need to be negative tonight. So feel free to not read this if you'd rather keep my negativity and whining out of your life.
The following is a letter that I will never send. Me being brutally honest and maybe even... embellishing a bit.
Dear Paris McFargle, (fake name for personal reasons)
After all this time, you've still managed to convince yourself that you are the victim.
I wasted three years of my life trying to save you while you did nothing but push me down.
I cared about you. I didn't want to tear you out of my life. I didn't want to have to forget all of the great memories. More bad than good, it seems now, but that doesn't change the fact that there were still some good ones.
You like to blame me and the people I care about, the people that are helping me recover from all the damage that you caused. How can you really believe that you are the victim in all of this?
I really have heard it all.
I cringe when you make sudden movements. I'm afraid to speak when you're around. I feel sick and pathetic when you are around. I am waiting for another blow. Emotionally. Physically. Spiritually. Crack. Crack. Crack.
My life is a constellation. At one point, you were a star. I loved you just as I loved the others, but you turned into a black hole. You turned into a black hole and insisted on taking away all the rest of the light.
You're still there. The other stars shine ever brighter than they did before, but there you are up in the sky above me... Trying to soak away all of the light.
Just give up. It's too much. Too much light for you to handle.
I won’t let you bring me down again. I’m different now, better. Selfish.
I am the Heart. Do you hear me? I am compassion. I am understanding. I am like a knife. I am a cannon and I will shoot you down if you even dare to try it again. I will cut the last part of you out of my life if you even dare mutter another lie about my best friends.
I wish that I could move on. I wish that you could too. I hate that I care so much, but also at the same time… I hate that I care so little. I hate how easy it was to push you away in the beginning, and I hate that it got harder as time went on.
But I am stronger than you’ll ever be.
I am a much greater person that I’ve ever been.
Don’t ever touch me again. The next bruise won’t be so hidden. I won’t refrain anymore from fighting back.
So go on. Hit me. See if you can get away with it.
I’m not to be taken advantage of. I am not to be trifled with.
But I am happy, and I thank you. Because if you hadn’t done what you did… I wouldn’t be the person that I am today. I wouldn’t have the amazing friends that I have now. Chances are that someone else would’ve tried doing the same thing.
So thanks, for being a selfish bitch.
If you need something, I am here for you.
Alyce
