I feel like all I ever do is change.
Well, not really myself. More like my mind. I make a decision, say that I'll stick with it and then a few months later I've changed my mind... then I'm unsure.
I used to believe that everyone deserved a second chance. That was until I went through a big change in my life and learned a lot about people.
So I made the choice to keep someone "unhealthy" for me at a distance.
I still think that I made the right choice and I wouldn't change it for anything. It gave me room to grow and learn more about myself as well as form new relationships and strengthen old ones. I feel like I'm a much better person because of it and I've also been more open to see more than just one side of any situation.
I mean... It's nice to think for yourself. It's still hard for me to believe, even now, that I wasn't being myself. I've always wanted to be everyone's friend, it's difficult to believe that I would push everyone away just because I was told that... that person was obnoxious, or mean, or some other friggen excuse.
Anyway, I've started to let some people back into my life and so far it hasn't really brought much change, other than I feel a little uneasy when I think about it.
And then there's graduation. I come home every day, lock myself in my room, and just spend time wallowing. I just love everyone so much. Bingham has been so great to me, I'm going to miss it a lot.
I'm happy that I'm getting older, and that soon I'll be able to live my own life, I just can't help but wish that I'll see all of my friends again when I'm older... Even though I know that I won't.
Hence the video camera. I don't know if anyone has noticed, but I keep it around a lot. I realize that I film some of the most random things, but it's because I want that memory (as small as it may be) to keep...
I've never had a very good memory.
I forget a lot of things.
It's sort of sad.
But I'm working on letters to give to a lot of my friends come graduation time. Chances are that if you're reading this, you will receive one. No big deal or anything, just a little letter concerning how amazing you are and how much I'll miss you and how amazing I know that you're life will be...
All my friends are so talented. ^^
Chalk the Walk soon! Hopefully I'll put up some pictures!! Miranda R. and Rachel (Nova) are in my group! It's gonna be fawesome. :D
Love,
Alyce
