Where are you Christmas?

Christmas is this week, but it just doesn't feel like Christmas to me.
The tree is up, decorated... But I didn't decorate it. There's snow, even if there's not much right now... We're having our family party on Christmas Eve with my mother's side of the family, as of right now we have no idea what our plans are for Christmas day...

I can't remember the last time I played in the snow. Maybe when my niece Bentley comes home it'll snow and I can take her our in the yard to play. Maybe then it would feel more like Christmas.

I'm back to wishing that I was a kid again. My mother keeps telling me, "It's just not the same, with you and your brother grown up..." I think that I might even miss my parent's excitement more than my own.

So here I am, typing this blog, listening to Christmas songs hoping for the little feeling that always came with Christmas. It's been a few years since I've had that feeling. I think that it's normal to miss it.

I got a guitar for Christmas... On the first of this month. She's a blue Ibanez Acoustic-Electric and I named her Rosemary, Rosie for short. I've taught myself a few chords and I can play the first ten notes of Greensleeves, which I think is pretty awesome. I can also play the beginning of Meg & Dia's Setting Up Sunday. I'm hoping to learn Greensleeves by Christmas, and Meg & Dia's Nineteen Stars by our school's talent show. Rachel said that if I could learn Nineteen Stars in time, she would sing for me. It'd be awesome. Lauren has promised to help me learn it. I love my friends. :)

I joined the MaD boards. It's been... an experience. I'm hoping that the boardies there will like me. It seems to take a lot for them to like newbies, but I'm not really new to the whole loving Meg & Dia thing... So hopefully they will accept me.

It just dawned on me that it's nine o'clock and I haven't eaten a meal today, only snacks. That means that I need to go feed, but I don't really want to go into the kitchen.

Ah, well. I have an idea:

Christmas? Come home. Let's be friends.

Until we meet again under the blue moon,
Alyce aka SeventeenthStar

Listening To:
Where Are You Christmas? by Faith Hill

Almost There

My birthday is February 1st.
This raises a lot of worry in my tiny heart... I mean, I'm seventeen now so that means that in about two months I will be eighteen. Crazy, huh? When you're young you can never imagine yourself being that old... Well, at least I couldn't. And it's not even... very old. At all. If eighteen is considered old I'm going to hit somebody.
Ah, well. So I thought long and hard about it and... Even for as young as I am, I've had a pretty full, happy life. I've almost done everything that I've wanted to do...
Besides a few things that I'm not quite old enough for yet-- Have a child, travel somewhere on my own, finish (and publish) a novel... Things like that that I've always wanted to do.

I've started learning the guitar. I'm far from good at this point, but I really enjoy practicing and teaching myself new chords and things like that. I think that it's good for myself to motivate myself like that. My summer was awesome because it was full of the motivation to actually do something and it's a time that I wouldn't take back for anything.

Busy is good, and I have been pretty busy. I'm always happier when there's a lot going on, I suppose that it makes me feel more like I'm not just wasting time or something like that...

So maybe I'm okay with turning eighteen. It's really not that bad. I think that I'm just afraid of being labeled as an adult, when... I admit, I am not quite ready to be an adult... despite my desire to live alone. Part of me can't wait, while another part is screaming for time to just freeze.
But, of course, it can't freeze until Becca comes home from Hawaii for Christmas... With her here, time is welcomed to freeze, otherwise I'm going to ask it to wait.

Now I'm mostly rambling. I tend to do that... quite often. Haha.

So I think about what I want my life to be, what I know that I can achieve, and while some of it is far from my reach at this point, I'm closer than I thought. I've done so much and I'm willing to do so much more, and I'm on the right track.

I seriously need to change these colors again. I just can't choose one that I REALLY like. Haha.

Ah, well then...

Until we meet again under the blue moon,
Alyce

Young Life

I wish that I could be a child again. I'm envious of them. I watch my niece and the way that she looks at the world... Every day there's something new to learn. Everything she looks at is wonderful and new. Sometimes she'll try something, pull a "I-don't-like-this" face, but she just keeps eating. It's amazing. She waddles. Have you ever noticed that toddlers waddle? Maybe that's why they call them Toddlers... because they... Toddle? I still think it's more of a waddle. Like a penguin.

Colors are brighter, smells more mysterious. The most mundane things are extraordinary when you're a child.

It's a well-known fact among my friends that I plan on never getting married. Ever. Only 50% of marriages succeed. And if I were to get married... I'd be tying myself down, forcing myself to grow up. Call it peter pan syndrome (Btw, I hate peter pan.) but it's not really the same thing.
I don't want to fight with someone every day. I don't want to feel guilty for all the little things. I don't want to feel obligated to make some man happy.

All I want is me and my little girl. I mean, it might not be a little girl, but someday in the very distant future I'd like to have one child. (Artificial Insemination) I'd like to raise this child on my own, after feeling ready, of course, and I'd like to live my life with them until they move out and do whatever they want with their future.

Is it selfish for me to hope for a little girl? I wouldn't be disappointed if it was a boy.

I'm making it a mental note to see the world as a child does. As a brilliantly bright, wonderful place. I'll explore and learn every day. I'll make it a goal.

Until we meet again under the blue moon,
Alyce

New Colors

I have changed the colors of my blog to make it less emo, I have also created a second blog just for writing. Best to keep my writing and life separate, so as to not confuse anyone. (More people I know in real life follow this blog now, so I'd like to make sure that they don't think I'm crazy.)

School has already started. It's strange because I didn't think that I'd be able to go back, that I was too attached to summer, but I seem to have fallen into school quite well. I'm really enjoying it. All my classes are great, all my teachers are great, and I'm a heck of a lot more sure of myself. I don't feel as afraid of people as I used to. I like it. I'm happy.

I'm in mostly writing and reading classes. I'm trying my best to throw myself back into english, at least as much as I can, so hopefully I'll be writing a lot more.

That's all, but hopefully more later.


It feels good to smile all the time. I suggest that you try it.

Alyce

Records

"The time of my life, a record of myself..." Meg & Dia; Here, Here, and Here

This year in my photography class we each made our own photo book with our own work inside and I entitled mine Records. I felt like this title was perfect because of the contents of my book and the meaning of all the pictures that were inside.

This summer we have been working on our very own literary magazine and just a few days ago we finished it. It's... amazing. I'm so very, very proud of all the work we've done and I really hope that Meg & Dia like it. While brainstorming titles Nova asked me if we could use the title of my photobook, Records, and I was more than happy to use that name.

So here I am, holding the new lit mag in my hands. It's beautiful. We all did a great job and Nova definitely knocked herself out working on all the layouts and backgrounds. It makes me feel like I've done something great. So this Saturday at Warped Tour we'll give it to Meg & Dia. I don't think that I've ever been this nervous before... It's a lot to handle. I'm about to handle some of my deepest feelings to the people who inspired me to actually do something this summer... and with my life.

I'm happy. Undeniably happy. I have something to do every day now, and something to be proud of. Something that I helped create.

The book is around twenty five dollars. If you want one let me know. I promise you, you will love it.

Here's a few pages:









All of those pages have been written by myself and the backgrounds were created by Nova/Rachel in photoshop. The book is about thirty or so pages with poetry, prose, photography, photo manipulation, and short stories by me, Nova, and Lauren. Rebecca helped with editing and helping me survive the stressfulness...

That's all for now. More later. :)

Alyce

I'm baaaack!

Alright... Soooo... After a lot of time of not being able to write anything even remotely decent I have returned with Deadly Sweet Melodies!

How this happened....

I've been suffering with the worst case of writer's block since the great "I Have Left Forsaken FORSAKEN! HAHA!" case of the tenth grade. After writing A Creature my writing skills seemed to disappear entirely, much to the disapproval of my Creative Writing teacher and two fans. (Haha.)
So recently Nova, Rachel... or whatever the heck it is that you want to call her... Invited me to this writer's group club thingy and it just... Got me all excited somehow. So on my way to Rachel's to pick her up I was listening to the song Sweet Tangerine by The Hush Sound. (I believe that it is on iTunes, I strongly suggest that you check them out!) Sweet Tangerine is a song about a stalker and it just got me thinking... I wanna write about a stalker, but one... one that everyone will like!
So after going to the writer's meeting and having a fabulous time I left early so Rachel and I could have time to work on the like mag (more on that later) and so I could figure out how to get my story to work.

And so Sweet Melodies was born sometime early this morning after an entire day of sitting at my computer writing.

As for the lit mag...
At my school in the Creative Writing 2 class (which I will be taking this coming school year) plans out the making of a Literary Magazine that will be available for purchase in the last quarter of school. The Lit Mag holds short stories, prose, photography, poetry... (You name it!) from all around the school and this years was... To keep it short, beautiful. Rachel loved it. She felt inspired and I suggested that we give it to Meg & Dia as a Thank You gift. She loved the idea, but wanted more. So she suggested that me, her, and Lauren go about making our own.
So this summer we have been working not very successfully on the lit mag... Until the past week or so. It needs to be done in about seven days... Before the Meg & Dia concert on August 8th.


And so there you have it.

I have a list. I shall share it with you sometime.

Btw, my poem A Creature won "Best Poem" in my school's Lit Mag this year. My lucky shirt sure is doing it's work! :)

Thanks,
Alyce

Oh, and that Writer's Group that I was talking about has it's own blogger page. It's got nothin' on it right now, but it will!

Check it out:
http://fcwritersgroup.blogspot.com/

Deadly Sweet Melodies

“Do you think he’ll like it?” Cecelia asked.
I rolled my eyes. “Yes.”
“You really think so?” She looked at me, her big brown eyes beaming.
I bit my lip and she pouted, holding the box tightly to her chest. It was wrapped in sparkling blue paper, her favorite color. You could still see little bits of white cardboard, but I wasn’t sure if she had noticed.
“I mean... I wrapped it myself and everything.” She held out the box and stared meaningfully at it. A strand of her brown hair fell in front of her eyes and it took everything I had not to move it. I crossed my arms.
“Oh, Johnny!” She exclaimed, “Do boys really like watches? I mean... I wrapped it myself and EVERYTHING!”
I nodded and she sighed. Her shoulders drooped and I rubbed her back, trying my best to cheer her up. She was so... warm. Something about her seemed very fragile. I drew back and held my hands together in my lap. I hadn’t stopped biting my lip.
Cecelia dropped the box in her lap and absent mindedly fingered the little silver locket that I gave her. She still thought that her new boyfriend, Lucas had given it to her. Sometimes I felt underappreciated.
“I still can’t get it open,” she said quietly, looking at me.
“Huh?”
“The locket. It won’t open,” she replied, “and Lucas refuses to tell me what’s inside. Says that I’ll have to find out for myself, but look,” she held it up for me, “he had it engraved and everything! C.C. for Cecelia Cooper.”
The only reason why Lucas told her to find out for herself was because he had no idea what was inside the locket. I never told her that it was my gift to her; I didn’t want to make her unhappy by claiming that her boyfriend was a good-for-nothing liar. Even if it was true.
She showed me the box. “That’s why I got him this watch! As a thank you gift for the locket!” She smiled, “And if you say that he’ll love it, I know he will!”
That was supposed to be my watch.
She stood up and gazed excitedly up at the stars. She was grinning from ear to ear. To me she shone brighter than any star in the sky.
“It’s almost midnight Johnny,” she said, looking down on me, “maybe you should get off my roof.” She stuck her tongue out at me and laughed melodically and turned towards her window. “My mom wouldn’t like it if there were boys on my roof, especially so late.” She saluted me and disappeared inside her room. Of all the years I’ve known her, I have never been inside.
I jumped onto the tree that I usually used to climb up and waited for her to wave and shut her blinds. I waved back at her, a fake smile plastered on my face. She closed her blinds and I stealthily jumped back onto her roof and sat next to her window, even if she opened her blinds she wouldn’t see me there.
I had been doing this for three years now. I spent a lot of nights sitting alone on Cecelia’s roof. My father never noticed if I didn’t come home, he was usually too drunk to care, and my mother died when I was only nine, that was eight years ago. Cecelia, even after all this time, had never noticed. Sometimes I wished that she would. I was never able to voice my emotions to her.
I sat there for hours before I went home. My mind was nearly empty, all I had anymore was Cecelia. She had Lucas, her family, her friends. Maybe I was a little jealous, or maybe I just wanted to be apart of everything she had. Minus Lucas.
I jumped onto Old Oaky and climbed down. I looked up at the sky and couldn’t help but shiver. My house wasn’t far from Cecelia’s, it was at the most just a few blocks away. I walked up my front porch and opened the door, my father never locked it. The house always seemed smoky and it smelled strongly of tobacco, dirty laundry, alcohol, and death. A lot like a bar in an old folk’s home. I glanced at my father as I skulked up the stairs; he was passed out on the couch.
I jumped into bed and closed my eyes for a few minutes, but couldn’t sleep. I stared at the ceiling and listened to silence as I waited for the sun to come. My alarm sounded as my room lit up with sunlight and I rolled onto my floor. I showered, dressed, and made sure that my dad was still breathing on the couch before I left. I walked with my hands in my pockets to Cecelia’s house and took my usual spot in the bushes that were in front of her house. I checked my phone, it was ten o’clock. She usually didn’t leave until about noon. I sat without moving an inch for an hour and a half.
I crawled out of the bushes and stood up, moving over to Cecelia’s old blue Honda Civic and unlocking it with the spare key she gave me. I squeezed into the back behind the drivers seat, locking the door and waiting. Minutes later, Cecelia opened the door and slipped inside. She started the car without even noticing me and pulled away from the curb, singing softly with the radio as she drove.
Five minutes later the car slowed down to a stop and she got out. I waited a few minutes before following her. We were at Lucas’s house and she had gone inside. I had no way of knowing what was going on inside. I never was very able to see what went on between them when they were alone. I wasn’t sure if that was a good or a bad thing.
I shoved my hands into the pockets of my jeans and turned swiftly to the left, making my way on foot back to Cecelia’s house. When I got there I glanced about, making sure no one was home. After ringing on the doorbell a couple times I climbed up old Oaky onto the roof and stared intently at her window. I’m not sure how long I sat there, but after much debate I went through the open window into her bedroom.
Cecelia surrounded me. There was no doubt to any of my senses that she had been here. I could feel her everywhere, but somehow it wasn’t enough. I walked to her dresser and looked at some of the pictures she had scattered about. One of them, in a handmade wooden frame was of a filmstrip two of us together in a photo booth at the mall a couple years ago. She had taken me there to pick out a birthday present for myself. “I just want to spend some time with you,” I said to her. It ended up being the best day of my life since my mom had died.
I looked up at the wall, or rather the mirror. I looked like a ghost of the boy who was in that picture. My once neat combed brown hair was messy and almost covered my eyes. Underneath my eyes on my pale skin were bags, dark circles. My eyes were red and tired-looking, the blue looked dull and faded. I looked like my father. Disgusted, I took the mirror off the wall and threw it onto the floor. It shattered and I bent down to pick up the pieces. One of them cut my finger and I shoved it into my mouth, throwing the broken mirror into Cecelia’s garbage can. I glanced back at the filmstrip of the two of us and left a streak of blood over my face.
Cecelia liked to say that I was like the brother she’s never had. I don’t think that she ever knew how much that hurt me. I must not have been enough to be more. I loved her. With every piece of me, every thought and every action, I loved her. I did everything for her. She was the only reason that I was still breathing at this very moment, she was my only reason for living.
I am such a child.
I opened her jewelry box and surprisingly enough found some bandages. I stuck one on my finger and turned to her bookcase. There weren’t many books on it, it was full of mostly DVDs, but it still held a few good books. I ran my hand over their spines and walked along it. On her computer desk sat about scattered papers, most of them were applications for different summer jobs. I moved them and underneath found her headshot, staring at me.
Cecelia wanted to be an actress, and she had been in a few plays at school and at the community theatre. She had a professional photographer take pictures of her for her portfolio earlier in the year and before me was one of the pictures that he took of her. I was breathless, she was beautiful, and I never wanted to look away. I reached out to stroke her face, but it wasn’t really her. I bit my lip again and closed my eyes. It felt like sin, the thought of touching her. My fingers twitched.
I looked down at her bed. It was unmade and I couldn’t help but slip under the covers and breathed in her scent. She smelled like the wonder of spring right after a sunny rain not long after all the flowers have bloomed. It was magnificent, she was amazing. I shoved my face into her pillow and imagined that she was here with me, that she was mine. I shut my eyes and laid there in silence for hours and just has I felt the loving hand of sleep at the edges of my mind there was a sound of a car turning off and laughing.
I sat up and jumped onto my feet. I stumbled about, dizzy. I shook my head, gaining my senses and dove into her closet, leaving the door partially open. I could hear someone downstairs. There were footsteps that I recognized immediately as Cecelia’s and those of someone else. They climbed the stairs together and she opened the door to her room.
“My parents left this morning for vacation so I have the house to myself for the next week,” she explained to Lucas.
My jaw clenched and I felt immediately angry. Why had he been allowed into her room? She barely knew him! They’d only been dating for a month and here he was in her room...
“Ceci...” I whispered quietly.
Cecelia stopped and glanced about the room.
“What is it?” Lucas asked.
“Well I thought that- “ she began, “My mirror! It’s gone...” She moved over to the wall and looked around. “That’s weird...”
“I’m sure it’s nothing,” Lucas said, reaching out for her.
She brushed away from his grasp and stepped over to her desk. “I don’t think that I left my applications stacked like this...”
Lucas seemed bothered. “I thought that you said you weren’t going to work this summer?”
Her back was turned from him, but I could see both their faces. Was that fear that I saw in her eyes? She laughed forcibly and he grabbed onto her wrist.
“I just feel bad that you pay for everything when we go out and I spent all that money on the watch that I gave you,” it became apparent to me then that he wasn’t wearing it, “I just wanted to be able to hel-“ she winced and turned to him, “Lucas, you’re hurting me.”
He didn’t let go. “We agreed that this would be better for us. So we can spend more time together.”
“Of course. I can’t believe that I even thought about working,” she laughed nervously and he pulled her into his arms. Her eyes were still on the stack of papers on the desk and he noticed.
“I’m sure it’s nothing,” his voice was silky. It pissed me off.
Cecelia nodded and they kissed. She seemed to have forgotten about everything that had just happened. I was seeing red as they stood there, sucking face. She ran her hands through his dirty blond hair and down his back and I felt sick. She giggled breathlessly and bit his bottom lip. I stared down at the shoes next to me and began counting...
One, two, three... seven... ten...
They sat on the bed and she crawled on top of him, her hand over his shirt on his chest.
Twelve... holy crap that is a lot of shoes...
He rolled on top of her and she giggled again. He started to take his shirt off.
Fifteen... Sixteen...
The phone rang and Cecelia pushed Lucas off of her. I silently took a sigh of relief. She picked up the receiver and said hello, I could tell by her voice that she was smiling.
“Yes, this is Cecelia...” she said before listening to whoever was on the other side, “Yes. Uh-huh. Of course. Good-bye.” She hung up and stared at the phone for what seemed like a long time.
“Who was it?” Lucas asked, staring intently at the back of her head. Something about his gaze frightened me and made me angry.
“Huh?” She turned her head, “Oh!” she laughed nervously, “Just a telemarketer. Nothing special.”
I could tell that she was lying, but by the look on his face I had no idea if Lucas knew.
Cecelia glanced at her clock. “It’s... getting late. Maybe you should go.”
They stared into each other’s eyes for a long time. Lucas seemed to be searching for something, but I wasn’t sure what it was that he was looking for. Finally, he leaned in and kissed her softly.
“I love you,” he said calmly.
“I know,” she replied.
His hand moved and she flinched. “I-I love you too,” she said, kissing him.
Lucas smiled and got up, leaving the room. Cecelia didn’t move for several moments. Finally she got up and left the room. Eventually, she came back and locked her door, then her window. She didn’t usually lock everything up like this, was she frightened? She closed her blinds and pulled some pajamas out from her dresser.
I hadn’t thought of this...
I wasn’t sure what to do, but somehow I couldn’t take my eyes off of her as she changed and crawled into bed. My mouth was open in shock. She was so... beautiful and her skin was like porcelain. It was a long time before I could blink again.
She reached for the phone again and started dialing a number. “Come on, Jo-Jo... please don’t fail me now.” She held the phone up to her ear and waited.
Panic rushed through me and I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket. I hadn’t turned the ringer off. It lit up and I answered it before it could ring. Cecelia paused.
“Hello?” She said, her voice echoed quietly through my phone and my heart sank. “Johnny? Hey, Johnny? Are you there?”
For once I didn’t like that she was calling me. I ended the called and she sighed.
“He promised he’d always be there...” She whispered to herself.
Was she... crying? She got back into her covers and faded to sleep.
I waited a few hours before crawling out from my hiding place. I got up and walked to her bed, standing over her. She was dead asleep, but it almost seemed like she was humming. Everything else, including myself, was completely silent. I reached out and touched her hand softly. She didn’t react. I ran my fingers up her arm and I stroked her face gently. I smiled down at her, she was somehow even more beautiful while she slept. I knelt down and kissed her forehead lightly and then bit my lip.
“I love you, Ceci,” I whispered into her ear before slipping under her bed.
I could kill Lucas. The way he held her, the way he almost seemed to frighten her into telling him that she loved him. It must’ve been a lie. That’s the only way that it made sense to me. I’ll kill him. Tomorrow. After their date.
I shut my eyes and drifted into dreams.
The next morning I woke up feeling slightly refreshed. That was the first time that I had slept well in years. I yawned and hit my head on the bed. Remembering where I was, I peeked out from under the bed. Cecelia’s room was empty and her room was flooded with light from the open window. I crawled outside and down Old Oaky. Cecelia’s car was gone and I had no idea where she had gone. Feeling more than a little bit lost, I started towards my house, determined to take Lucas out of the picture by the end of the day.
I entered my house and ran up the stairs into my room. I showered and got ready as usual, but before I left I snuck into my father’s room and stole his old hunting rifle and knife. I wrapped the rifle in a blanket and slipped the knife into my jacket pocket, it looked like rain outside. I didn’t bother to check on my dad before walking out the door, instead I grabbed some snacks from the kitchen and headed straight out the door and around a few blocks to Lucas’s house. I hid in his neighbor’s yard until I was sure that no one could see me and snuck behind his garbage cans.
Hours went by and it got dark. I nibbled away cautiously at chips while I waited and threw the bag into one of the garbage cans. What a convenient steak out spot, I thought to myself. I checked my phone, it was now nine o’clock and there was still no sign of anyone... I was just about to get nervous when an old white bronco pulled into the driveway.
Bingo. I readied the rifle.
Lucas got out of the driver’s seat and walked huffily around the car to the passenger side door. He opened it and Cecelia squirmed past him. She sulked towards the front door and stopped before reaching his front steps. She seemed worried.
“Lucas... it was awfully nice of you to pick me up, but couldn’t you take me home? It’s been a long day...” She said quietly.
“You promised that you wouldn’t apply for any jobs,” he seethed.
“Please... can’t we talk about this tomorrow?” She asked.
“No,” he said firmly, “now is as good as ever.”
“Look, I’m sorry that you had to pick me up... but I had a flat tire and John hasn’t been answering any of my calls-“
“I wouldn’t have had to pick you up if you didn’t go to that stupid job interview!” If Lucas wasn’t angry before, he certainly was now.
“How was I supposed to know that someone would slash my tires?” She exclaimed.
His hand flew and the back of it met Cecelia’s cheek. She cried out in pain and reached up to protect herself from anymore blows. He put his hands tightly around her neck and shoved her up against the car.
“Don’t you ever talk to me like that!” He shouted.
Cecelia couldn’t breathe and my heart had stopped beating. She tried her best to nod and Lucas let up. Cecelia coughed and I felt my composure shattering. Lucas reached into his pocket and took out the watch that Cecelia had given him.
“Did you think that this would satisfy me?!” He threw the watch to the ground and Cecelia winced as he stomped on it and it broke. “And what is this?” He asked disgustedly, tearing the locket I gave her off and throwing it towards me like it was a piece of garbage.
The locket fell open in front of me. Inside was a picture of Cecelia and I before my mum died. I broke inside and pushed the garbage cans out of my way as Lucas shook Cecelia violently and hit her again. His green eyes were wide with fury as he pushed her onto the ground, kicking her angrily.
“Lucas!” I shouted, raising my rifle at him. Lucas turned ferociously towards me and stopped altogether.
He raised his hands cautiously. “John? Heeey, Johnny... It’s not-“
“Don’t even bother,” I replied, “step away from Ceci. Now.”
Lucas’s eyes shifted about nervously and I glanced down at Cecelia. She seemed happy to see me, but surprised at the way I had presented myself. I laughed, having finally cracked.
“You don’t want to do this, Johnny,” Lucas pressed as he took a few steps towards me.
“Yes I do,” I pulled the trigger.
Shit! I had left the safety on. Lucas dashed towards me and grabbed onto the gun just as I clicked the safety off. He tackled me to the ground.
Bang!
A shot rang off into the air above us as he wrestled me for the rifle. He tore it out of my grasp and I knocked it into the grass, reaching for the knife in my pocket. I pushed him off of me with my legs and sat on top of him, holding the knife to his throat. I snickered wildly and spit in his face.
“John!” Cecelia pleaded behind me. I blinked and turned to look at her. Lucas knocked the knife out of my hand, I wasn’t sure where it had gone. He stood over me now, holding my father’s hunting rifle at my head. I was on my hands and knees, staring down at the ground. My head was pounding. Lucas kicked me onto my back and he hit me swiftly over the head with the butt of the rifle.
“For lack of a better phrase,” Lucas raised the rifle and aimed right between my eyes, “say goodnight, Johnny.”
Lucas’s eyes went wide with pain and he dropped the rifle at his side. I crawled away as Lucas fell to his knees, revealing a disheveled Cecelia behind him. She was holding my father’s hunting knife which was now covered in blood. There was the distant of dull sirens and groans coming from Lucas, a neighbor must have called the police. Cecelia threw the knife away and picked up the gun, she ran to the garbage cans and stuffed it inside. She rushed back to me and helped me up.
“You were just walking past when you saw what was happening, got it?” She whispered hurriedly. “You just happened to be carrying the knife with you. It was self defense. He attacked first, okay?”
I nodded and she hugged me. Somehow, she still seemed frightened.
“I love you, John.”
I bit my lip as the police cars pulled up, lights flashing.



- Alyce Shayne Heart

Meg & Dia Interview

The fantasticness of my FAVORITE artists! :)

Quick Update

I'm a wanderer now, sorrow befalls me.
But I laugh so often that... I suppose I'm gonna be fine.

The time of my life, a record of myself.


SO many things inspired by Meg & Dia... I'm not sure where to begin. I'm working on sort of a -revamping- of myself. Be happy, smell happy(haha), and record my life in its prime. From photography and cinematography to journal entries and stretch stories... I want this part of my life to be quite the chapter, something people will be jealous of for the rest of my years.

So here it begins.

Btw, somebody better ask me to prom next year... I want that experience. Not that anyone besides Rachel reads this. Oh... I LOVE YOU RACHEL! You're, like, my hero right now. Thanks for keeping a smile on meh lazy face! ;)

Forsaken

Forsaken is my favorite work of... um... Novel writing by myself. You check find the newly revamped version and the original by lookin' at my profile... So feel free to check it out if you wish! ^^

Also be sure to check out Phased by Rachel and The Silver Dagger by Jordan! You can find them by lookin' at my followers! :P

The Alyce Files

Please comment! ^^

Selfish Sins - Revival

I finally woke up today.

Beauty in so many eyes, a sinner in God's. He forgives all his children, doesn't he? Does he ever lecture them? Does he ever give them a consequence? Even the most beautiful of God's children can fall.

Like a phoenix I've risen from my ashes... From when you burned me. Through it all I have survived and you won't beat me. I'm somebody new, different, and better. Believe that people ever change? Maybe you should now.

Old feelings, so far from the truth. What have you lied about? Still I'm holding on and now I'm rising up. Don't regret this yet, it's not over.

Sometimes things just need to change.

Selfish Sins 6

I'm falling apart.

You've made me so emotionally ill that my body is giving up on me. I can't retain food, I can't sleep, I can't smile. You used to make me so happy... What happened?

When I ask if you're happy with what you've done... I really mean it because despite what you've put me through I hope for you to be happy with all that I have left... which isn't much.

Selfish Sins 5

Didn't think you'd fall this far.

Walk all over me, sweetest most sincere friend of mine. Tear out my heart and watch in glee as I bleed... Believe it or not, no matter what you do I'll never stop loving you.
I might have given up on the trust, I might never look at you the same way again but I always want to be your friend.
I might look away in disgust. I might not speak to you for weeks at a time. I might say cruel things. But I'll always remember what we went through together... When you were still the greatest person in the world. When I fully trusted you and never saw past the lie.

Will he take as much as I have?
Will he allow you to take out all your pain on him? Selfish sinners aren't known for being helpful.

What's in the choice, as easy as it is? Her or him, friend or stranger, sister or lover. If you even have to think about it you weren't really a friend in the beginning.

Dearest friend of mine, what have you done?

Selfish Sins IIII

No one will ever love you as much as I.

He told you he loved you, but does he really? You barely know this naive little sinner. This boy who's told so many that he "loves" them. What is he but a liar? Saying whatever he feels to get what he wants most, a trophy such as you.

Someday he'll tire of you, which I never will. His "love" will fade while mine will pain for you, hoping you'll finally see what it is you've done to me.

I've lost something vital to you and I know now that I'll never get it back. You've changed everything in me and I will right the wrongs you've done in my life and show love to those who deserve it, who deserve to know something other than the Selfish Sins people like you have spread around the world.

I have been born again, a new star in the darkness and thanks to what you've done I will never fade. When all the others have fallen I will still shine brightly. I'll never give up the hope you almost shattered.

So while you strive on his selfish sins I hope you remember me. I hope you look back and think, "I should have thought twice and stayed with the people who really loved me."

Selfish Sins III

Are you happy knowing you've lost our trust?

The closest of friends, all different but all the same.
One was too selfish to think of us first, to think about what would happen to our friendship.

She took him with one fowl swoop and held him close, grinning and giggling the entire time. We watched in anger, sadness, and disappointment as they kissed before us, not a care in the world.

You have him now, dearest friend of mine. The darkness has taken over, any chance of ever shining has been lost. You brought us close then tore us apart. I hope you're happy, dearest friend of mine.

We'll never trust you again. You're false beauty has been revealed. I hope you sleep well at night, knowing who you've hurt and what you've lost. I hope you're happy with what you've done. This pain might never subside.

I've lost faith in you and this selfish sin.

What you call love is nothing but a selfish desire to be wanted, to touch, and to feel.

It won't last long and don't come to us when it falls apart.

I'll laugh like you did at her. Bitter, bitter, bitter sinner.

Selfish Sins II

I watched a star die today.
She was one that I always seemed to pay more attention to than the rest. She always shone so bright, flickering every now and again. I'd look up and she was always different than all the rest, an underdog of sorts. I had so much hope for this lone shining star, I prayed for her often. She'd wink and smile at me, always unsure but so beautiful.
I noticed recently that she seemed to shine brighter than the rest. I thought that she was so happy, having finally found her place among the other stars, glowing even in the darkest of darkness. Maybe she was better now, more than ever... But maybe the whole thing turned out to be a lie.
I've seen stars vanish into the darkness before. They flash brightly for only moments then disappear without any complaint... I never quite understood it. But this one star that I really wanted to survive finally just gave up.
I was watching her shine, smiling back at her when in the blink of an eye she was dragged into the oblivion of the darkness, of the world. She fell victim to her own selfish sin.
Now I watch as one by one the stars die. They're overtaken by the shadows and the reality and the heartless soul of love, the wildest and most painful sin of them all.
Maybe I should have known she'd fall, but she fooled me all the while.

That's Not My Name

Just a little something for anyone who likes the Ting Tings!



My Update:
Everything's FANTASTIC! I promise to update soon. My birthday is this Sunday (Feb 1st) more on that later.

<3

Alyce

Knowing Doubt

Why does it always feel like I'm waiting for something?

I've spent most of my life expecting something to happen. What I'm waiting for, I'm not sure. Sometimes I have dreams where I'm sitting alone in a room with a single door, chair, clock, table, and radio. I'm sitting in the chair with the radio playing softly while the clock eternally clicks away. What am I doing? I'm watching the door. I've never tried to open it, I just sit and watch it, waiting... Waiting. Sometimes I stand up, but I never approach the door. That's it. The music changes, usually with whatever is playing on my ipod, (I sleep with music playing.) but nothing ever happens.
I know that it might sound boring, but I like this dream a lot more that my myriad of nightmares. (Yes I have a ton of nightmares... like... a lot. Hence the reason why I don't sleep much.)
I have this dream almost every night, and I have yet to figure out why. All I know is that whatever is behind that door... Well, when I wake up it scares me. I almost don't want to know what's behind it, but another part of me is dying to know what's beyond the door.

The Unknown.
It's a big fear of mine.
But I really want to know... Well, I want to KNOW!
But there's another part of me that... isn't sure if I really even want to know.

Meg & Dia, two of the most amazing people in the world have a song called Just One of Those Things that says:
"I don't know which is worse;
to learn or not to know."
I feel like that is so true to so many things in life. I know that I'm not the only person who has this intense fear of the unknown, I'm sure many people do too, they just... might not even realize. The unknown lives in many things; the future, death, strangers, etc... That everyone is afraid of it in one way or another, I just... I think that I might be a little too scared of the unknown... If I wasn't so afraid I think that I'd be more sure in everything I do and I'd live a much easier life, so I'm working on it. I suppose that we shall see if I ever rise above my phobia...

Maybe it would be better to just embrace the unknown, to know doubt.

Untouched Music Video Contest

Mood: Spent

So just recently The Veronicas started a music video contest for their song Untouched and guess who entered! I JUST finished the video and uploaded it on Facebook, with hopes of winning or at least someone saying, "This is really good!" If I win I get a bunch of signed stuff and my video on their website, so pray for me!

Making this video was extremely difficult. I had a very limited time to make it and it was hard to get everyone involved to cooperate, but it turned out pretty good.
It wasn't exactly what I wanted it to be, but I hope it's good.

Here it is:



Currently Listening To:
Untouched by The Veronicas