Knowing Doubt

Why does it always feel like I'm waiting for something?

I've spent most of my life expecting something to happen. What I'm waiting for, I'm not sure. Sometimes I have dreams where I'm sitting alone in a room with a single door, chair, clock, table, and radio. I'm sitting in the chair with the radio playing softly while the clock eternally clicks away. What am I doing? I'm watching the door. I've never tried to open it, I just sit and watch it, waiting... Waiting. Sometimes I stand up, but I never approach the door. That's it. The music changes, usually with whatever is playing on my ipod, (I sleep with music playing.) but nothing ever happens.
I know that it might sound boring, but I like this dream a lot more that my myriad of nightmares. (Yes I have a ton of nightmares... like... a lot. Hence the reason why I don't sleep much.)
I have this dream almost every night, and I have yet to figure out why. All I know is that whatever is behind that door... Well, when I wake up it scares me. I almost don't want to know what's behind it, but another part of me is dying to know what's beyond the door.

The Unknown.
It's a big fear of mine.
But I really want to know... Well, I want to KNOW!
But there's another part of me that... isn't sure if I really even want to know.

Meg & Dia, two of the most amazing people in the world have a song called Just One of Those Things that says:
"I don't know which is worse;
to learn or not to know."
I feel like that is so true to so many things in life. I know that I'm not the only person who has this intense fear of the unknown, I'm sure many people do too, they just... might not even realize. The unknown lives in many things; the future, death, strangers, etc... That everyone is afraid of it in one way or another, I just... I think that I might be a little too scared of the unknown... If I wasn't so afraid I think that I'd be more sure in everything I do and I'd live a much easier life, so I'm working on it. I suppose that we shall see if I ever rise above my phobia...

Maybe it would be better to just embrace the unknown, to know doubt.