Masterpiece

I am no masterpiece at all.

I'm in kind of an odd state of emotion right now.
I'm stranded somewhere between depression, excitement, resentment, vengeance, nervousness, and indifference. It's strange, being able to feel so many different things at once, not being able to choose any one way to feel. There was a time when I was able to control my emotions, keep them in check, but not anymore. I'm just about as stable as our economy. (Heh, heh. Political joke.) Sometimes it takes everything I have not to just throw up my hands and scream, "Screw the world!" and go on a killing spree... Well, maybe I'd kill just one person, but somehow, as sad as it is, my life would be a lot easier without him.

Too bad I held on, when you tried to tell me this was wrong... Well, is this wrong?

I'm worried about Val, well... Really, I worry about her all the time. I'm just quite the little worry wart.

I can't even try to... remember what I knew, before I became your model to claim. No.

We've been talking about Transcendentalism in my english class and it's gotten me to thinking a bit, and I'm going to write my own way of life. (Hehe.) My own Creed. Hmm.
I decided #1 on my way to lunch today. "Make people wonder, they need the exercise."
Transcendentalism is a great thing, it's similar to the way I live now, have always lived. Funny, how things work out that way. What way? I have no idea, I just felt like saying that.

Seems as if everyone has somebody to be with but me... Maybe this sort of loneliness is what I live for. I have to be free to help everyone else. I like helping others. I do.

You're my best friend, she says. You're a horrible friend, she says. You love too easily, she says. You don't love me, she says. I'm over him. He's all I think about. He's an idiot. He's the most amazing person I've ever met. We have so much to laugh about. We have nothing in common. I forgot to tell you. You forgot what I said. I love you. I hate you. Friends forever. Not anymore.

Tell me, what is there that's worth living for? I live for you. I live for life, laughter... Love.
How can you live if the one person you care most for in the world says that you'll never be loved? Sometimes I think that I'll always love others, but not be loved in return. It's a relief when someone cares enough to even say hi... to give me a hug... to give me a compliment, no matter how small.
Is anyone even listening? I'm beginning to wonder.

I've told you everything, but you haven't heard it. The sun is there, but do we see it?

Take a glance, feel a shiver, move on. Life is selfishness. Life is always moving forward, never taking in the sights, not remembering the past for what it is.

I finally know what wrong is.

Oh. What would it feel like to smile without regretting what comes next? I'm always afraid. Always stepping carefully. One wrong movement could set off a bomb... It's happened before.

I write to feel. I write to live what I'll never really know. I am words, making up a story, a story with no ending, just a stop.

I'm making my class ring. It actually looks pretty nice. The sum should come up to a little less than four hundred... It's an expensive memory. Who knew that time would bring us to a place in our lives where we have to pay for our memories? Huh. I sound emo.

Cutting is for losers who have nothing better to do with their time and need attention.

My scars have yet to heal.
One step at a time. Letting go, holding on. It depends on how you phrase it. Texting is overrated. Dumping someone over text is a horrible thing to do... Not that it's ever happened to me. I've never even had an actual boyfriend, but that's a good thing. I doubt that I could handle it.

Step, smile. Step, smile. Laugh. Pose. Act. Move left. Right. Speak. Silence.

I am who I am, which just happens to be an act.

Now I finally know that you bleed for nothing.

I actually think like this. Random as it is. I'm just typing as it comes. I had to write a monologue for my theatre class last year, and something that my teacher said was that a lot of the time we don't think in full sentences, and some of the things that go through our heads only make sense to us... She was right.

Sometimes, after I finish a book, I think like a novel. It's during this time that I write the best.

The ocean is wide, [Insert Cheesy Quote Here.]

If you look close enough you can hear my screams as you walk away.

Emonessssssssssssssss. I want to stop sounding emo.

Something nice...
Something nice...

I'm asking a friend to Bingham Ball, I wonder if he'll say yes... Fingers crossed!

Today I wandered through the woods. They were dark, cold... Just like your heart.

Ohhhhhhhh. Buuuuuuurn.

Ur So Gay! Haha. That one's for you Val.

Anyway. My dad is behind me, not paying attention, but still...

Until we meet again under the blue moon,
Alyce

Currently Listening To:
Masterpiece - Meg & Dia