10 People

My friend Hilary ranted about ten people in her blog and I felt inspired… Time for some rant-age!!

1. I don’t see you very often, but I wonder if you know how much I think about you? I’ve known you for such a long time, and after not speaking with you for awhile I’m glad that we can act as if nothing has changed. I love that I can still smile and laugh with you about the little things. I love that even after all this time we still have a connection, but I wish that you had kept hold of your life. You had so much potential. It still hurts to know how much you threw away.

2. You are beautiful. Classic beauty, but you’re also deliciously mischievous. I love spending time with you. I love that by some great leaps and bounds that we became good friends. I love how things went from extremely awkward to the way they are now, as if we’ve been friends all our lives. I find myself always wishing to know more about you. I spill my guts and all you do is smile and be reassuring. I wish that I could do something for you in the way that you helped me. Sometimes I wonder what you would say if I told you that you saved my life. Out of everyone I know, I know that you will go on to do the most.

3. I miss being friends with you. I mean, we’re still friends, but where did all the laughter go? Sometimes I wonder if I was nothing but a charity case for you. Someone to make you feel good about yourself, but I still think that you cared. You seem so distant now. Whenever I’m with you, you’re always texting someone else. I miss when our friendship was easy, when I knew just what to say and do to make you laugh.

4. You drive me insane, but you always have. We have such different views on life, on religion, even on who really won the Battle of Gettysburg. You’re so stubborn and so arrogant, but you’re also very thoughtful and you know me too well. Sometimes I lie to you. What is it about you that always makes me feel like I’m such a failure? What is it about you that makes me feel like I’m such a terrible friend? I don’t see you anymore, even though you are so close, I miss feeling so frustrated. Do me a favor? Just give me a hint that you still know that I’m alive.

5. I feel like I barely know you, but I can’t help but love you. You’re beautiful, but I feel like you’re falling apart. I just want to hold you together. I just want to help you. I just want to feel like you care about me. I’ve shared such a huge part of my life with you, and you’ve shared some of yours with me. I want to be there for you, always. I want to be the one stable thing in your life.

6. You make me feel inadequate, but you keep telling me how great I’m doing. I always feel like you’re so proud of me, but I can’t help but feel like your sidekick. You believe in me, even though you’ve mentioned you know that I won’t go very far. “But you’ll be happy,” you said, and I really believe that. Thank you for always being honest with me, thank you for pulling me through and for helping me see the resolution to every issue.

7. I don’t know you, but I feel like I do. You will never read this, and no matter how much I want it… We will never be friends. We’ve met maybe twice, but I feel this crazy connection with you. I wish that I could have a real conversation with you, and I wish that I could help you through those sleepless nights. I want to tell you that I understand, and that I’m here if you need someone to lean on. I would love to be your friend.

8. Your life seems so simple, even though I know it’s not. You stress about boys and the little things… I just want to tell you that there’s so much more to life. We’ve never been extremely close, but you’ve given me the greatest gift ever. Thanks for bringing even more light into my life.

9. You are so far away. I never get to talk to you anymore. It’s funny, I never realized how much you meant to me until you left. I never thought that we were as close as we are until I read your letter the first time I left. I don’t think that anyone knows me as well as you do. You are so bright, so smart, and so caring. I want to be where you are because without you there is a major part of my life missing. You are the most responsible person that I’ve ever known, and I wish that you were my older sister. I wish that you were always here to look out for me. You are so strong and you know so much, while having experienced so little. I love you and I’m proud to call you my friend.

10. You haunt me. Every word you ever said flows through the back of my mind. I second guess everything I do, every movement I make, every little thing that I say. You hold me back. You manipulate my mind. You’ve almost molded me into what you want me to be. I won’t be afraid anymore, I won’t let you hold me back. I won’t let you win. I wish that we could stop pretending that we were never friends.

That was me trying to be vague. I guess that we’ll see how well that works out.

Love,
Alyce