This is me, forcing myself to write.
It's been a long time, and it's starting to make me ill.
My senior year of high school, as great as it was, still had it's... Lameness. I've always prized myself on my writing, and near the beginning of the year I wrote a lot. I even became the Prose Editor of my school's literary magazine. (Who could ask for more, right? Allow me my bit of selfishness.) I think I just sort of expected to be in the magazine. I believed myself a good writer, so I thought that something I wrote would get it.
I entered five stories. Five. And I got nothing out of that.
So I've been really self conscious ever since. Maybe I just didn't push it enough? No one in my group ever gave me a real answer as to what they thought of the stories. I know that my teacher liked them, she'd read them and was later shocked upon realizing that I wasn't in the magazine.
It sort of just makes me wonder. All those things I wrote that my friends and teachers praised, were they really any good? I know that my Ad. Lit teacher mentioned that all of my teachers talked about what a great writer I am, but... Well, I don't know.
So here I am. Forcing the words. Forcing them. I haven't had to do this in a long time. They used to flow. Now they are reluctant and my stomach churns with each word I let out. Like I'm afraid. Afraid of something I really enjoy doing.
Expect a forced story soon. Probably something short and terribly lame for nothing else than to just get my mind functioning once more. If I expect to try writing as a career choice, then I seriously need to get my marbles back.
So, until then. This is Alyce signing out... or... something.
Alyce
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Connected
I believe that we are connected.
But if you’ve been reading my blogs, you already know this.
I know that I somehow have something to do with that stranger that I walk past on the street. Maybe something I’ve said to a close friend once upon a time has traveled all the way to this stranger’s ears and has made some sort of a difference in their life.
You know, you can all me crazy. But this is what I believe.
So I’m writing my next story about this. I’m going to choose a few of my already written short stories and bring them together into one novel with some other new material. All these stories will be connected in one way or another.
It sort of reminds me of “Bleed” by Laurie Faria Stolarz. All the characters in that book were connected in one way or another. I loved that book. We do in fact, all bleed.
That’s all I really have to say for now. Expect some stories from my Connected Project to show up on my SeventeenthStar blog soon!
Smile,
Alyce
Listening To:
“Paper Bag” – Anna Nalick
Monday, August 2, 2010
Guitar Lessons
Yes. I am finally taking lessons. From a teacher I actually like. Haha.
My first teacher was the owner of the store that I bought my acoustic guitar from. At my first lesson he spent half the time talking to a couple of kids about... well, it doesn't really matter. He spent the other half of the time just sort of blankly staring at the wall as he spoke. The only time he looked at me was when he was looking down on me. I hated that he had an air of "I'm so much better than you." Needless to say, I didn't learn much.
Now I know that you're probably wondering who my new teacher is... (Or not, I just like to think you are to lead up to this great announcement...) It's Meg Frampton from Meg & Dia! No joke! She's my new guitar teacher! And she's great! She charges about the same as my first teacher, but I can tell that she actually wants to teach me. It's not all about the money, and I feel a lot more comfortable with her.
I can't even tell you how great it is to be learning from my idol. I never imagined this. Ever. It only makes me that much more excited to learn. Meg told me to practice for at least fifteen minutes a day and I probably practice for an hour every day now. Hahaha.
By the way, she practices for three hours a day. She said that she mostly does warm ups while watching movies, but that's still amazing. Only reminds me why I love MaD so much. Their love for music is fantastic.
That's really the most exciting thing going on in my life right now. I'll be attending college come winter semester and after I finish my generals at the community college, I'm going to SUU. I'm really excited, but sort of freaked at the same time. Whatever happens, I hope that I can continue taking lessons from Meg. After MaD tours and everything. Haha.
But music comes first, as that is what I want to do with my life, after all.
I used to want to be an English Teacher, but that was until I watched the school district turn into a sinking ship this year. It was like in Pirates of the Caribbean when the ship is sinking and Jack Sparrow gets off right before it goes under. The ship was the district, teachers, and all the students and the Seniors who graduated this year were Jack. Oh well, at least we got out before the worst of it. It still makes me sad, though. I hope to raise my kids here in Utah some day, but if the Education system is all out of whack, then... Well, that gives me second thoughts.
ANYWAY. Back to the point. My guitar lessons. I suppose my point is, I never thought that I could be taking guitar lessons from Meg Frampton, but I am. It makes me that much more optimistic towards the future, but I made it happen by actually doing something. Your luck won't change unless you put yourself out on the line. I put mine on the line (sort of) by asking MaD on their formspring if Meg would be willing to give lessons.
Lucky me. (Seriously. I feel so lucky!)
Also, luckier! Christy paid for my first lesson because she knew how much it meant to me and my father refused to pay, but he's actually changed his tune and now he's going to pay until I get a job!
Alyce's Checklist:
- Get a Job
- Sign up for College
- Redecorate my room
Guitar Lessons(Started!)- Piano Lessons
- Get xbox live gold
- Paint my guitar case ((<—Almost dne!
- Get a metronome
- Do a photoshoot downtown! (For REAL. All day!)
- Finish my “Music Inspired” Photo Series!
Until next time!
Alyce
Things you should check out:
Meg & Dia dA Fanclub!
Take a gander at some MaD inspired art!
My tumblr!
Nothing much yet, but I’m planning on making it better in time.
The New MaD Boards!
Meg & Dia fan? Dying to chat with some other MaD fans? Join the boards!
Meg & Dia's Bandcamp!
You can listen to almost any MaD song ever here. You can also buy most of their songs! Sound quality is tons better than MySpace.
“You’re more than a small town/You’re more than a small soul.” – ‘The One’ by Meg & Dia
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Formspring
Notice that little "Ask Me Anything" box to the right over there? At the bottom, I think.
Well, you can ask me any question there and I will answer it, but I think that someone asked me a question and I didn't get to read all of it. So if you sent me a question about four or five weeks ago...
Well, here's the question. I would like to know all of it, because if it it really something that someone wants to know, I would love to answer it for them.
The Question:
"hey there:).though it was a lot of text to read,it has really worth it!(i hope my eyes won't start screaming).i'm curious who are you.no,not the adress and age answer,i want the truth...by the way,you aren't the only person in the world who has noticed ho"
So if you asked me this question, I would love to hear all of it and answer it for you. Just lemme know, alright?
-Alyce
Well, you can ask me any question there and I will answer it, but I think that someone asked me a question and I didn't get to read all of it. So if you sent me a question about four or five weeks ago...
Well, here's the question. I would like to know all of it, because if it it really something that someone wants to know, I would love to answer it for them.
The Question:
"hey there:).though it was a lot of text to read,it has really worth it!(i hope my eyes won't start screaming).i'm curious who are you.no,not the adress and age answer,i want the truth...by the way,you aren't the only person in the world who has noticed ho"
So if you asked me this question, I would love to hear all of it and answer it for you. Just lemme know, alright?
-Alyce
The Little Things
I love to learn more about people. Even the most mundane things make me feel like I know a person a little bit more, that they're handing a little piece of their life over to me.
I'd love to know more about you. So here's my challenge! Either comment on this or send me a message to SeventeenthStar@gmail.com with a list, however large or small, of the most mundane things about you. Or things that most people don't know. Either because you don't mention them in normal conversation, or maybe because you just don't think of it that often.
I think that I'd like to try to make a video or something of it, so I will be making a video on my account soon asking for submissions so I can compile a video of what I think are the most mundane but interesting things about people. :)
My List:
I only eat the pink and red Starbursts. I don't like the others.
I only like peanuts in candy bars.
I tend to get obsessed with things really easily... Some past obessions are: Charmed, Michelle Branch, Hikaru Utada, Final Fantasy, Anime, and currently Meg & Dia.
My favorite show right now is Better Off Ted, but it was cancelled. :(
I'm afraid of the dark.
Whenever there's a thunderstorm, I hide in the basement because I am afraid.
I love to make friends with people that I'll probably never meet over the internet because it makes me feel special.
I really hate Rap. Except for Eminem. He's pretty cool.
I consider Fighting for Nothing by Meg & Dia to be my theme song.
I only let people that I really trust listen to MaD when we drive in my car.
My favorite color is blue, but it's that precise electric blue of the deep ocean when the sun and the weather is just right.
I think that Yellow and Orange are really obnoxious colors.
Tinkerbell gives me nightmares.
I want to write, but I really want to be a lyricist when I grow up. :3
I actually don't hate Twilight. It's decent, I just like other books a lot more.
I started reading classics because I wanted people to think I was cool and smart, now I really do love them.
I'm terrified of relationships, or anything that smells like one.
I really like chicken. It could possibly be my favorite thing ever.
I also really love rice. Give me chicken and rice, and I'm a happy girl.
I always put the lid on the toilet down before I flush because of something that someone told me when I was in the third grade.
I obsessively wash my hands.
I have bad morning breath.
Everywhere by Michelle Branch has been my favorite song for as long as I can remember. More now just for the memories it brings back.
I don't like s'mores, but I like all the ingredients for them when they're separated. :/
I love purple, it's just an awesome color. Red is cool too. Purple must be cool because it has Blue and Red, but I prefer to call it violet. Sometimes I wonder if there's a difference.
I hate to wear shoes, I think better when I'm not wearing them.
But I do like socks.
I've never been kissed.
I'm really selfish, but I'm okay with it because so is everyone else. Except for maybe my mother.
A lot of people think that I don't like Coke, but I actually do. I really can't tell the difference between Pepsi and Coke when I drink them, I just like Pepsi because the can is blue. Oh, and Pepsi is a tiny bit sweeter.
A boy told me once that he liked Meg & Dia and I seriously considered liking him. The meaning of this? Meg & Dia are a direct road to my heart.
I think that Fountain Coke is better than Fountain Pepsi.
I hate McDonald's, but love their Vanilla Cones.
I only use swear words when they're conveniently funny, otherwise I think that they just make people sound stupid.
I like to think that I know more about music (especially MaD) than other people, but I don't.
It turned into more like me telling a bunch of secrets. Hahaha. Oh, well. I think that this is good. I might add more later when they come to mind. The easiest way to do this would probably be to just write them all down in one day as they come to mind while you're going about your day.
Until we meet again,
Alyce
(Until I finally upload that video! :P)
Listening To:
Sway - The Perishers
Writing this blog makes me feel special. <3
I love it when people compliment my writing.
I'd love to know more about you. So here's my challenge! Either comment on this or send me a message to SeventeenthStar@gmail.com with a list, however large or small, of the most mundane things about you. Or things that most people don't know. Either because you don't mention them in normal conversation, or maybe because you just don't think of it that often.
I think that I'd like to try to make a video or something of it, so I will be making a video on my account soon asking for submissions so I can compile a video of what I think are the most mundane but interesting things about people. :)
My List:
I only eat the pink and red Starbursts. I don't like the others.
I only like peanuts in candy bars.
I tend to get obsessed with things really easily... Some past obessions are: Charmed, Michelle Branch, Hikaru Utada, Final Fantasy, Anime, and currently Meg & Dia.
My favorite show right now is Better Off Ted, but it was cancelled. :(
I'm afraid of the dark.
Whenever there's a thunderstorm, I hide in the basement because I am afraid.
I love to make friends with people that I'll probably never meet over the internet because it makes me feel special.
I really hate Rap. Except for Eminem. He's pretty cool.
I consider Fighting for Nothing by Meg & Dia to be my theme song.
I only let people that I really trust listen to MaD when we drive in my car.
My favorite color is blue, but it's that precise electric blue of the deep ocean when the sun and the weather is just right.
I think that Yellow and Orange are really obnoxious colors.
Tinkerbell gives me nightmares.
I want to write, but I really want to be a lyricist when I grow up. :3
I actually don't hate Twilight. It's decent, I just like other books a lot more.
I started reading classics because I wanted people to think I was cool and smart, now I really do love them.
I'm terrified of relationships, or anything that smells like one.
I really like chicken. It could possibly be my favorite thing ever.
I also really love rice. Give me chicken and rice, and I'm a happy girl.
I always put the lid on the toilet down before I flush because of something that someone told me when I was in the third grade.
I obsessively wash my hands.
I have bad morning breath.
Everywhere by Michelle Branch has been my favorite song for as long as I can remember. More now just for the memories it brings back.
I don't like s'mores, but I like all the ingredients for them when they're separated. :/
I love purple, it's just an awesome color. Red is cool too. Purple must be cool because it has Blue and Red, but I prefer to call it violet. Sometimes I wonder if there's a difference.
I hate to wear shoes, I think better when I'm not wearing them.
But I do like socks.
I've never been kissed.
I'm really selfish, but I'm okay with it because so is everyone else. Except for maybe my mother.
A lot of people think that I don't like Coke, but I actually do. I really can't tell the difference between Pepsi and Coke when I drink them, I just like Pepsi because the can is blue. Oh, and Pepsi is a tiny bit sweeter.
A boy told me once that he liked Meg & Dia and I seriously considered liking him. The meaning of this? Meg & Dia are a direct road to my heart.
I think that Fountain Coke is better than Fountain Pepsi.
I hate McDonald's, but love their Vanilla Cones.
I only use swear words when they're conveniently funny, otherwise I think that they just make people sound stupid.
I like to think that I know more about music (especially MaD) than other people, but I don't.
It turned into more like me telling a bunch of secrets. Hahaha. Oh, well. I think that this is good. I might add more later when they come to mind. The easiest way to do this would probably be to just write them all down in one day as they come to mind while you're going about your day.
Until we meet again,
Alyce
(Until I finally upload that video! :P)
Listening To:
Sway - The Perishers
Writing this blog makes me feel special. <3
I love it when people compliment my writing.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
The Cycle
My life is a continuous cycle. I keep expecting things to change as I get older, but it just seems to be the same thing over and over again. You know how people say that history repeats itself? Well, this has proven to be true for my life time and time again.
Aren't people supposed to learn from their mistakes? It's how we grow and mature, but I really don't see anything changing... At least in the near future. I really hate being out of control of my own life. I think that I deserve to deal with my own mistakes, not those of others.
Someday I'll take myself out of the picture. Then maybe all of them can repeat history and I can finally experience something different...
Like... actual romantic feelings for a human being, maybe. Maybe I could experience love... or something.
Not that love is real or anything.
See... Here I am, second guessing myself. It's not a good habit.
Anyway, I wrote a song entitled The Cycle. I think that I've decided that I want to be a lyricist... So I could possibly find a band that's willing to try out some of my lyrics... Or just figure it out myself. I'm still learning guitar. I always feel bad about it when one of my friends comes over and they are so much better than I am...
Today was a good day. It's been a good weekend. Bentley has come back home for a visit. It's really nice to see her... Three weeks is too long.
Until we meet again,
Alyce
Aren't people supposed to learn from their mistakes? It's how we grow and mature, but I really don't see anything changing... At least in the near future. I really hate being out of control of my own life. I think that I deserve to deal with my own mistakes, not those of others.
Someday I'll take myself out of the picture. Then maybe all of them can repeat history and I can finally experience something different...
Like... actual romantic feelings for a human being, maybe. Maybe I could experience love... or something.
Not that love is real or anything.
See... Here I am, second guessing myself. It's not a good habit.
Anyway, I wrote a song entitled The Cycle. I think that I've decided that I want to be a lyricist... So I could possibly find a band that's willing to try out some of my lyrics... Or just figure it out myself. I'm still learning guitar. I always feel bad about it when one of my friends comes over and they are so much better than I am...
Today was a good day. It's been a good weekend. Bentley has come back home for a visit. It's really nice to see her... Three weeks is too long.
Until we meet again,
Alyce
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
June Gloom
I find that I decide exactly who I am far too often. It just keeps changing, and I'm always unsure of what exactly I believe.
I mean, I am generally just the same person, I just seem to change my mind about some of the ways that I feel about things so often. I hoped that my experiences would help me just keep myself in one direction, but I keep turning this way and that. The world is spinning and I'm lost.
I may have mentioned before that I am asexual. No, I do not reproduce with myself. Haha. I'm just not physically attracted to other people. Well, at least I don't think so. I've just never had a crush on anyone before. I've tried to convince myself that I do, but the truth is that it's just wishful thinking. Some of my friends have told me, "You just haven't met the right guy." I suppose that this could be true, but I just haven't met any guy that has ever wanted a relationship with me or that I wanted to have a relationship with.
Maybe I'm just afraid. I mean, look at the world we live in. Only about half of marriages succeed and I've seen the few that have and... I'm not sure that they're really happy. Is it a lot to ask for to just be happy? I think that it's all anybody wants. I just wish that I could pull it off alone, but I always find myself wondering... Wouldn't it be nice to have someone that was always there for you? That you can't wait to see? I wish that I could marry my best friend. Just because we could hang out everyday and just be happy, but what would be the point in that? We wouldn't kiss or anything like that... it'd be all kinds of wrong. Marriage usually leads to children... right?
Gah. So off topic.
I've graduated from High School. Maybe this is why I'm sort of looking at my life again and trying to decide what I really want. For a long time I wanted to be a teacher, but I don't anymore. After seeing everything that was going on with our school districts this year... it would just be hard for me to be a teacher.
I think that really I want to be involved in music. I love writing and I love music. I would love to sing, but I don't think that I have it in me. So I'd like to be a lyricist or maybe a producer or something. I want to be creative... I don't want to feel like I'm trapped in my job, but I still want to help people. One of the things that have helped me is music...
I didn't want to get married, but I guess that I can't make that sort of decision until I'm actually faced with it... there's no point in trying to hold myself back.
I'm going to try writing again. For real. I've been working on a story that Rachel and I might turn into a graphic novel and I think that it could actually get somewhere. And I'm hoping that Project Ink will actually happen and that we'll make another lit mag... It's nice to actually create something that you can hold in your hands...
I've been in a funk. Gloomy. Heh. Not really depressed... Just... Well. I feel small, I guess. I've always wanted to leave my mark and recently it just feels like I never really will. And then I start to think that I have no future. I just have to keep telling myself that I don't really know until I actually get out there and do something.
I've forgiven, but I still feel a little bitter. I'm only human.
Hopefully more to come,
Alyce
Currently Listening To:
June Gloom - Meg & Dia
(Excited for their new album!!)
I mean, I am generally just the same person, I just seem to change my mind about some of the ways that I feel about things so often. I hoped that my experiences would help me just keep myself in one direction, but I keep turning this way and that. The world is spinning and I'm lost.
I may have mentioned before that I am asexual. No, I do not reproduce with myself. Haha. I'm just not physically attracted to other people. Well, at least I don't think so. I've just never had a crush on anyone before. I've tried to convince myself that I do, but the truth is that it's just wishful thinking. Some of my friends have told me, "You just haven't met the right guy." I suppose that this could be true, but I just haven't met any guy that has ever wanted a relationship with me or that I wanted to have a relationship with.
Maybe I'm just afraid. I mean, look at the world we live in. Only about half of marriages succeed and I've seen the few that have and... I'm not sure that they're really happy. Is it a lot to ask for to just be happy? I think that it's all anybody wants. I just wish that I could pull it off alone, but I always find myself wondering... Wouldn't it be nice to have someone that was always there for you? That you can't wait to see? I wish that I could marry my best friend. Just because we could hang out everyday and just be happy, but what would be the point in that? We wouldn't kiss or anything like that... it'd be all kinds of wrong. Marriage usually leads to children... right?
Gah. So off topic.
I've graduated from High School. Maybe this is why I'm sort of looking at my life again and trying to decide what I really want. For a long time I wanted to be a teacher, but I don't anymore. After seeing everything that was going on with our school districts this year... it would just be hard for me to be a teacher.
I think that really I want to be involved in music. I love writing and I love music. I would love to sing, but I don't think that I have it in me. So I'd like to be a lyricist or maybe a producer or something. I want to be creative... I don't want to feel like I'm trapped in my job, but I still want to help people. One of the things that have helped me is music...
I didn't want to get married, but I guess that I can't make that sort of decision until I'm actually faced with it... there's no point in trying to hold myself back.
I'm going to try writing again. For real. I've been working on a story that Rachel and I might turn into a graphic novel and I think that it could actually get somewhere. And I'm hoping that Project Ink will actually happen and that we'll make another lit mag... It's nice to actually create something that you can hold in your hands...
I've been in a funk. Gloomy. Heh. Not really depressed... Just... Well. I feel small, I guess. I've always wanted to leave my mark and recently it just feels like I never really will. And then I start to think that I have no future. I just have to keep telling myself that I don't really know until I actually get out there and do something.
I've forgiven, but I still feel a little bitter. I'm only human.
Hopefully more to come,
Alyce
Currently Listening To:
June Gloom - Meg & Dia
(Excited for their new album!!)
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