Dear Friend Of Mine

Dear Friend of Mine,
Why do you hold on so tightly the darkness within and without? Oh Broken Child, you have all you need to shine shine through the darkness that surrounds your life, you just need to let go. Dearest friend of mine, why do you dwell so on the sorrows on the past when all we have left is the beginning of the future?
Oh my Broken Friend, you love him with all the pieces of your heart, a naive little boy that you hope will save you, all he's done is hurt you. I've done all I can to help, but all you've done is try to push me farther and farther away from you.
Shun me, hurt me, love me Dearest Friend of Mine... whatever makes you feel better. Every night before I dream I pray and plead to God to save you, for I fear that one day you will take your own life. Oh my Wilted Rose, where would we be then?
Dearest Broken Friend of Mine, you have yet to shine, as I know you should. The world would be lost without its brightest star to guide it.

Love and Hope from your Dear Friend,
A.S.H.

Note: I wrote this in the middle of the night for a friend that's going through a terrible time. I only wish her the best and hope that somehow I can give her hope. I've tried everything I can to help her, but nothing has helped. She's on the edge, ready to jump, and the only thing that can really save her is a boy that she doesn't really even know if he cares. He's hurt her so much, I hope that he makes it up to her someday.
I love you dearest friend of mine.
I'd love to see you shine someday.

Chronicles On A Dance Floor: Jess (Part 3)

Billy wandered away with someone I didn't recognize, leaving me in the center of the dance floor all alone. I sighed and searched for Charlie among the crowd.
That's when I saw him.
James was standing at the bar with his hand on the waist of a girl that I have never met before. He smiled at her, his eyes practically undressing her right in front of me. My heart froze and I spun around.
Why am I here?
I looked back where he was standing, but he was gone now. I stumbled to the bar, throwing some bills onto the counter.
"Give me the best you got!" I shouted over the music at the bartender. He nodded and poured me a shot, which I drank in one swallow. "Another!" He poured me a second and I drank it down just as I had the first.
I stepped away from the bar and stared at all the overdone faces as they danced. Why are some girls so naive? I couldn't see Billy or Charlie anywhere and I was--
Oh my God, there's those eyes again. Was it just me or was he now looking right at me? He was dancing with the same girl from earlier, kissing her every now and again while I stood there and stared.
Why am I here?
I turned around, faking indifference and I walked back onto the dance floor, swaying to the music wildly by myself. I just wanted to dance, I didn't want to think of him anymore. He could never be mine. I was indifferent to him. I could feel my body edging towards the door, but instead I returned to dancing.
I'm indifferent, let me go. I couldn't let him win. I wasn't done pretending yet, I was never done pretending yet.
Never mind a heart that's broken, right?
I resumed my search for Charlie and Billy, hoping to fight his hold on me. I wandered around a bit before I found her.
Charlie was laying in a puddle of her own leftovers next to the far wall. I rushed to help her.
Why am I here? I have nothing for him now.

I have nothing for you now.

Chronicles On A Dance Floor: Charlie (Part Two)

What the hell am I doing here?
The lights were dim and the room seemed smokey. The music was blaring and the whole room seemed to be moving together with the beat. Too many strangers danced around me, all of the, seemed to be enjoying themselves, while I felt completely lost.
I don't belong here.
I looked around desperately, trying to find my way out, but the lights were flashing, it was dark, and there were far too many people. I found it hard to breathe, I couldn't think straight. I just needed out before I fell apart.
I pushed past a few people and someone grabbed my hand from behind me. I turned around and he pulled me toward him. His sapphire eyes glowed in the darkness, drawing me in. The whole room seemed to slow down and the music was barely audible. He said my name softly, with such a longing that I stopped breathing. He let go of my hand and brought his up to touch my face, sending an electrical current through me. I found myself leaning into him, feeling his icy breath on my lips. I inhaled, coming closer to kissing him. I could almost taste it.
No.
I turned away from him before our lips touched, the room sped up and the music got louder. I rushed away from him, breaking inside. Someone bumped me, nearly knocking me over. I stumbled and pushed her into someone else. She raged, screaming things at me that I couldn't hear over the sirens in my head. She threw a fist at me but missed; I didn't. She bent over in pain while her friends rushed to help her.
I don't belong here.
I walked away the best I could and lent on the nearest wall for support. The whole room was spinning violently, my stomach lurched and what was left inside me was now on the floor.
I felt dizzy, empty, and I greeted the darkness of unconsciousness and I met the floor.

Chronicles On A Dance Floor: Billy (Part 1)

It was girls night out and we walked into my favorite club. I was stressed and this was just the antidote that I needed. I immediately met the eyes of a handsome stranger and smiled to myself. I wasn't really looking for someone, I just wanted to dance, but I was drawn to him.
"C'mon, Jess! Let's go dance!" Jess nodded half heartily. She and Charlie followed me onto the dance floor.
I began to dance, part of me showing off. Jess followed suit, but Charlie just stood there. I tried my best to get lost in the music, but I couldn't help but get distracted by the gaze of my stranger.
"I'm going to get something to drink!" Charlie hollered over the music and she walked away through the crowd.
I knew that Charlie was uncomfortable being here and she looked like she was going to be sick, but at the moment I just didn't care. He was coming toward me.
I knew he'd come around. He took my hand, neither of us saying a word, and led me away from Jess, leaving her standing there alone. We started to dance, my heart beating faster as he moved closer, as he put his hands around my waist.
We danced together, the two of us connected. I didn't even know him, but I didn't give a damn what anyone else was thinking. He was the only thing making sense to me.
I felt so alive and my heart matched the swift beat of the music. My blood was on fire and I could feel him running through my veins. One look into his eyes and I knew what he was thinking. Neither of us wanted to stop dancing, I couldn't take it anymore, I wanted this to go one forever. No one ever made me feel this was before. Every time he touched me I wanted to disappear inside of him. I wanted to live him, breathe him, be him.
What a perfect stranger. What a perfect dance. He held me close, and we danced as one. There was no one else. Me, him, and the music. Nothing else mattered anymore.
He stopped suddenly, putting both hands on the sides of my face. His eyes searched mine for a single moment and then he kissed me.

First Time

His smile was wide as he motioned for me to follow him. I stepped over another branch, but tripped and he caught me just in time.
"I should have known better to take you someplace so... dangerous." He laughed, teasing me.
I remained quiet, moving away from his grasp and looking around. Why had he taken me someplace so far from home and surrounded by trees... especially so late? It wasn't quite sunset yet, but it'd be dark by the time that we had to make our way back down the mountain and I wasn't looking forward to that. It was mid autumn and the ground was scattered with leaves of all shades, the sky nearly covered by a canvas of colorful trees above me... I stood there for a few minutes.
"We have to hurry," he said absent mindedly, "We have to make it before sunset."
I stared at him blankly, then looked around again.
"If you think that this is beautiful, then you haven't seen anything yet." His voice was deep, strong, but musical at the same time. I had to look down at my feet to keep from blushing.
He reached out his hand and I looked up. His blue eyes shone, even though we were shaded by the canopy of trees. His dark brown hair was messy and I ignored his hand, reaching up to fix it.
He rolled his eyes at me, took my hand away from his face, and held it as he led me even farther up the mountain.
"Just a little farther now..."
I nodded, despite the fact that I knew that he couldn't see me. He guided me past more trees, farther and farther toward the sky, holdng my hand the entire way. At one point he stopped, letting go of my hand and facing me.
"Close your eyes. I'll carry you the rest of the way."
I just stood there for a moment, looking into his eyes. Where are you taking me, I asked silently. He smiled reassuringly and swept me up into his strong, but soft arms. I was surprisingly comfortable and rested my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes.
I don't know if I drifted off then or if I had lost myself in some other world, but the next thing I knew he was saying my name quietly, bringing me back. I opened my eyes and found myself looking up into his. He said that it would be beautiful, he was right.
"We're here," he whispered, looking up ahead.
I followed his gaze to the wonderous view before us. He set me down on my feet and I took a step forward, letting it all soak in. The sun was setting over the valley. I could see the entire city from where we stood. Small houses and businesses, lawns and beautiful trees getting ready to greet the bitter softness of winter. I smiled at how thoughtful he was, to bring me to a secret place as wonderful as this. I turned to look at him, to show him how happy I was... He was smiling back at me. He sat down on a boulder, patted next to him, asking me to sit. I wandered over, taking my place next to him on the boulder.
"You like it?"
I nodded, but I knew that I didn't really have to answer. I looked back over the valley and watched as the sun fled and the moon rose, in awe by it's beauty. All the lights came on then, reminding me of the stars that shone brightly above. I turned to him, realizing that he was looking at me. I looked away, I could feel the blush on my face, could he see it?
"I love you." I said quietly, as if it were a secret.
He reached out his hand, turning my face towards him. He lent in, paused for a moment that seemed like forever, then kissed me.
A moment that I wished could last forever. A moment that will survive in my heart until the end of time. My first kiss, my first love.

... Me?

Hard to believe, the way that things have changed.
I find it difficult to explain when my life really began. Was it the day that I was born from my mother's womb, or the day that I saw true beauty in another's eyes? I'm a simple girl, always have been. I've decided now that I'm this ways to give those that I love hope that maybe someday things will get better. Maybe my life began the day that I met my best friend, when life as I knew it would be turned upside down, inside out, and utterly insane.
She was unlike anyone I'd ever seen before; tall, beautiful, but she held herself in a way that showed that she was unsure of herself. Her eyes were a bright emerald green, it was apparent to me almost immediately that behind those eyes were hidden scars unlike any I had ever seen before. Her skin was porclein white, smooth and without any blemish. Her dark hair was short, but covered the bulk of her face, she was always trying to hide.
I was immediately drawn to her, almost overtaken by the need to comfort her. She was terribly beautiful, with an air of disaster, of darkness.
The first time I ever saw her I found it hard to speak. What could I say? I've only just met this person, this person that I so hoped that I could befriend, this person who was so real, so fragile, and so close to breaking... What could I do?
She looked down on me, not in a bad way... I couldn't help being so much smaller.
All I did that day was smile, and obviously that was what was right.
Ever since that day we've spent almost every moment we could together. We made memories, laughed, and cried together. I was the bright innocent one who didn't know pain, she was just the opposite. She intoduced me to amazing people, who I befriended almost immediately. Her and all her friends were so brilliant, they shone like stars while all I could do is stand there and take it all in.
I like to draw, she said to me one day.
I love photography, she said another.
I write, I read, I sing.
She always kept me captivated with something new.
All her friends were the same, just as talented, but in wonderfully different ways.
Did I deserve to be here, was the thought that always crossed my mind. Do I deserve such incredible people as my friends? I couldn't draw, I couldn't write, I couldn't sing... But they always said that I might.
The four of us were so different.
Be still we stay together.
These three are my friends.
"Friends," they say.
Hopefully, "Friends forever."

Aurora: Beautful, but broken. The link that keeps us all together.
Nova: Talented and different. The one that will keep us trying.
Lulu: Fun and Beaming. The ever shining light that keeps us smiling.

And Finally...

Alyce: ... Me?

The Way It Is

Current Mood: To different to describe well. Hyper, but a little quiet & depressed.

The Way It Is:
Alyce
Always second best, sometimes not even that close. People change, they learn to smile when they're crying on the inside... Since I've learned to do this I haven't been myself, or maybe this is more of myself. I suppose that I'll figure it out as more time goes on.

Exiled;
No one knows my name.
Gypsy;
No one sees past my skin.
Bohemienne;
They call me sorceress, witch. They don't know what they're saying.
Traveler;
A stranger in my own home.
Bewitcher;
Not to me trusted.
Enchantress;
Nothing but a mistress.
They say that cold, black blood like that of a winter's night runs through my veins...
I. Still. Bleed.
Bleed for those that are like me
Strangers in there own skin, living their lives in their own secret sin.
Who am I, I who is not like them?

I'm not so different.
But I'm not the same.

Scars beneath my skin
Tears behind my eyes
I smile and dance
True beauty believed to be nothing but lies.

I am not an enchantress.
I am not a witch.

I'm a gypsy off to see the world
And there's quite a lot of world to see.




I have no idea what that was. Random thoughts that tie together somehow. I suppose that it comes with my obsession with gypsies after reading the A Great and Terrible Beauty series and watching Notre Dame de Paris.

Currently Listening To:
Bohemienne - Helene Segara from Notre Dame de Paris