Masterpiece

I am no masterpiece at all.

I'm in kind of an odd state of emotion right now.
I'm stranded somewhere between depression, excitement, resentment, vengeance, nervousness, and indifference. It's strange, being able to feel so many different things at once, not being able to choose any one way to feel. There was a time when I was able to control my emotions, keep them in check, but not anymore. I'm just about as stable as our economy. (Heh, heh. Political joke.) Sometimes it takes everything I have not to just throw up my hands and scream, "Screw the world!" and go on a killing spree... Well, maybe I'd kill just one person, but somehow, as sad as it is, my life would be a lot easier without him.

Too bad I held on, when you tried to tell me this was wrong... Well, is this wrong?

I'm worried about Val, well... Really, I worry about her all the time. I'm just quite the little worry wart.

I can't even try to... remember what I knew, before I became your model to claim. No.

We've been talking about Transcendentalism in my english class and it's gotten me to thinking a bit, and I'm going to write my own way of life. (Hehe.) My own Creed. Hmm.
I decided #1 on my way to lunch today. "Make people wonder, they need the exercise."
Transcendentalism is a great thing, it's similar to the way I live now, have always lived. Funny, how things work out that way. What way? I have no idea, I just felt like saying that.

Seems as if everyone has somebody to be with but me... Maybe this sort of loneliness is what I live for. I have to be free to help everyone else. I like helping others. I do.

You're my best friend, she says. You're a horrible friend, she says. You love too easily, she says. You don't love me, she says. I'm over him. He's all I think about. He's an idiot. He's the most amazing person I've ever met. We have so much to laugh about. We have nothing in common. I forgot to tell you. You forgot what I said. I love you. I hate you. Friends forever. Not anymore.

Tell me, what is there that's worth living for? I live for you. I live for life, laughter... Love.
How can you live if the one person you care most for in the world says that you'll never be loved? Sometimes I think that I'll always love others, but not be loved in return. It's a relief when someone cares enough to even say hi... to give me a hug... to give me a compliment, no matter how small.
Is anyone even listening? I'm beginning to wonder.

I've told you everything, but you haven't heard it. The sun is there, but do we see it?

Take a glance, feel a shiver, move on. Life is selfishness. Life is always moving forward, never taking in the sights, not remembering the past for what it is.

I finally know what wrong is.

Oh. What would it feel like to smile without regretting what comes next? I'm always afraid. Always stepping carefully. One wrong movement could set off a bomb... It's happened before.

I write to feel. I write to live what I'll never really know. I am words, making up a story, a story with no ending, just a stop.

I'm making my class ring. It actually looks pretty nice. The sum should come up to a little less than four hundred... It's an expensive memory. Who knew that time would bring us to a place in our lives where we have to pay for our memories? Huh. I sound emo.

Cutting is for losers who have nothing better to do with their time and need attention.

My scars have yet to heal.
One step at a time. Letting go, holding on. It depends on how you phrase it. Texting is overrated. Dumping someone over text is a horrible thing to do... Not that it's ever happened to me. I've never even had an actual boyfriend, but that's a good thing. I doubt that I could handle it.

Step, smile. Step, smile. Laugh. Pose. Act. Move left. Right. Speak. Silence.

I am who I am, which just happens to be an act.

Now I finally know that you bleed for nothing.

I actually think like this. Random as it is. I'm just typing as it comes. I had to write a monologue for my theatre class last year, and something that my teacher said was that a lot of the time we don't think in full sentences, and some of the things that go through our heads only make sense to us... She was right.

Sometimes, after I finish a book, I think like a novel. It's during this time that I write the best.

The ocean is wide, [Insert Cheesy Quote Here.]

If you look close enough you can hear my screams as you walk away.

Emonessssssssssssssss. I want to stop sounding emo.

Something nice...
Something nice...

I'm asking a friend to Bingham Ball, I wonder if he'll say yes... Fingers crossed!

Today I wandered through the woods. They were dark, cold... Just like your heart.

Ohhhhhhhh. Buuuuuuurn.

Ur So Gay! Haha. That one's for you Val.

Anyway. My dad is behind me, not paying attention, but still...

Until we meet again under the blue moon,
Alyce

Currently Listening To:
Masterpiece - Meg & Dia

Rachel

Current Mood: Blase

I met Rachel through Rachael and I haven't known her for as long as I've known Rachael, but long enough to know what kind of person she is. (Yes, everyone I know is in fact named Rachel. :P )
Rachel may seem odd at first, and to tell the truth I was a little frightened of her when we first met, but really she's different in a good way. You'll never find another person like her no matter how hard you look. She enjoys listening to obscure bands and singers, wearing crazy clothes, cackling at Rachael's neighbors on Halloween, and writing about characters that stalk their neighbors with cameras... (Resemblance, maybe?) She's amazing at everything she does, just like most of my friends, and enjoys doing just about everything. With an interest in fashion that includes reading Vogue and chatting to me about what Audrey Hepburn would have worn, she also has an avid interest in photography, writing, drawing, acting, singing, and surprising her friends on a daily basis.
Rachel has shown a love for comics as long as I've known her and her love of Iron Man, The Joker, Batman, and Wolverine, came as no surprise to me as this year came along.

Rachel is the type of person who despite being one of the best, always encourages you to try everything. She's inspirational, brilliant, and friendly. If you ever get a chance to meet her, you better jump at it because there's no doubt in my mind that it'll be worth your while.

Things Related to our Friendship:
Kingdom Hearts, Charmed, Resident Evil, Leon Scott Kennedy, Writing, the word "Friction", Meg & Dia, Classic Skating, Jeff, Sultry, Apples To Apples, Candles, DDR, Konichiwa Bitches, "The Book", Monster, Trees, Dawnie, Tech, Sophie, Final Fantasy, Window Washing, The Joker, Roleplaying, Reno, Audrey Hepburn, Theatre, Auditions, Chalk The Walk, Dungeons And Dragons, ... And much, much more.

Until We Meet Again Under the Blue Moon,
Alyce

My Dedicated Song:
Angry Johnny - Poe



Things change, but life goes on.
We don't want to believe that we'll lose
the ones we love
the ones who make us...
us.
Don't ever forget
Don't ever think that you aren't loved
Because no matter how far you travel
How fuzzy things get
We'll always be here in you.
We'll always love you.

Friends Forever.

Thanks, Rachel!


Note: I know that Angry Johnny as my choice is a little confusing, but it has to do with some stuff that happened in Tech in the Ninth Grade with some very afraid eighth graders.... Hehehe.

Rachael

Current Mood: Dizzy

I've known Rachael for only a few years, but we became fast friends. Becoming friends with her kind of set off this whole new era of my life that I've just now entitled "The Opened Eye, Creative Times." Without Rachael I wouldn't be the person that I am today. I've changed a lot since I've known her, and in good ways. She's one of those people that just makes you want to be better, and now... I am better.

Rachael has had quite a difficult life, things that I have no right to discuss with anyone besides her. I believe that it's because of these things that she's so sensitive to those around her. When you have a problem, she usually knows just what to say to put things into perspective.

Rachael has many talents including; Writing, Drawing, Painting, Photography, and Guitar Playin'. She succeeds at just about everything she does with such unbelievable grace that most of the time I can't help but feel a little envious.

Things Related to our Friendship:
Hearts, Resident Evil, Leon Scott Kennedy, Writing, the word "Friction", Meg & Dia, The Veronicas, Rockband, Bioshock, Condemned, Classic Skating, Silent Hill, Sultry, Apples To Apples, The Office, Friends, Kathy Griffin, Candles, DDR, Pepsi, Konichiwa Bitches, Writing, "The Book", Hook Me Up, Monster, Trees, Dawnie, Tech, Sophie, Tucker, Play N Trade... And much, much more.

Until We Meet Again Under the Blue Moon,
Alyce

My Dedicated Song:
There For You - Flyleaf




Don't ever forget what we live for.
Don't ever forget who makes you, you.
Your friends reflect who you are and what you stand for.
Your past, your future, your dreams, and all your love.
I'll never forget this feeling.
And I'll never let it go.
Someday I hope to return all you've given me, with three times as much love.

I live for you,
I live from you,
I am you.

Friends Forever.

Thanks, Rachael.

Hurt Me

Current Mood: Exhausted

I went to my old friend Melissa's house today... Strange how she can always make me feel better. I was really happy with things until her friend Rily came over. I had never met Rily until then and it made me feel awkward. I didn't mind her, I was just a bit quieter after she came. I did like her a bit, so it's not that I didn't like her... I'm just a bit shy.

After I got home at about six thirty I chased Tucker, my Cairn Terrier, around the neighborhood for about a half an hour. Now I'm tired, dehydrated, and my legs feel heavy. The interesting thing about chasing him was that only three people tried to help me, and I saw about thirty or so people. (I went pretty far, chasing him down.) The first person who helped me I recognized as Melissa's friend's Rebecca's dad. I only knew that it was him because he was walking Rebecca's dog. It's way cute! It's some sort of chihuaua mix and they got it not long after I got Tuckie. The other two people who tried to help me only did so because I was in their yard... and they had dogs... or children... Otherwise I could bet that they would have ignored me. But what really bothered me was that Tucker would run straight up to people and jump on them (He's very small) and they'd just stand there and look at him! WTF?! Why didn't they try to grab him?! Crazies! I'm, like, near tears because I'm so exhausted and I'm yelling his name and they just stand there going "Aww, what a cute doggy!" ... ANYWAY!

Now that I've ranted about that...

I've decided to start a blog series on each of my friends. A little dedication, with my "Currently Listening To" being a song dedicated to them. It'll also help me with my sort story that I'm writing about them...

It might take me awhile to get the first few up, as I want them to be as close to perfect as I can get. I'll try to see if I can include pictures and all of that good stuff.

Another thing that I'd like to do is my "Must" corner. Just information on must-sees, must-reads, and the like.

Also included... My ratings, reviews, and rants on books, artists, songs, TV shows, games, and movies.

Then just my general life.

I want these blogs to be my best yet, so you're in for quite a bumpy ride. Hehe.

Until We Meet Again Under the Blue Moon,
A.S.H.

Currently Listening To:
Hurt Me - Kerli

Broken

Current Mood: Lost & Broken

Have you ever felt broken? Like there's something wrong with you, but you can't quite figure out what the problem is? I feel this way a lot, which comes as a surprise to me. I spend most of my time trying to help my friends, I mean honestly... I just don't have time for any of my own problems, good thing that I don't have many, but then why do I feel so broken?! It just doesn't make sense. Oh well, everyone is depressed over nothing every once and a while.

I'll get over it.

How can someone love something that's lost?

I recently got a Facebook account... If you can find me, then you can add me. ;)

A sequel to one of my all time favorite games is coming out in twenty five days, I'm excited! But... I'm afraid that I don't have the money to buy it. Fable II shall have to wait until I get a job, Christmas, or my birthday. Jeez... I hope that I don't have to wait until my Birthday.

Observation Of The Day:
If you smile at a stranger they'll either think it's creepy, ignore you, or smile back. More testing needed.

Currently Listening To:
Broken - Lifehouse

A Look Into Whom I Trust

Original Date: Saturday, January 13, 2007
Current Mood(Then): Determined

Heh...

I watched 13 Going on 30 again a few days ago.. I love that movie!

Last night I slept over at Rachael's house... It was fun! We were way hyper! I snuck a few Pepsi's to her house... life is more fun with caffeine! We played Resident evil and called Rachel (Other Rachel) and left a bunch of really hyper high-pitched screaming messages with background music! Heh...

But later we had a really good discussion. I haven't talked like that since Christina's party when I told Rebecca about Zach's problem... Rebecca really is a good listener, but she's also good at making me feel better about things. She's always been like that, I guess. So... Rachael and I were talking and she asked me why I was "friends" with Mysta... I really don't know why... Mysta is a horrible person, but I've known her since the second grade. Rachael said that Mysta was more like an "Accomplice" she said that Mysta kinda uses me and I get nothing out of the friendship but depression... I guess that's true... My mom said something like that once... We also talked about her Dad... I feel so bad for her.

I've only known Rachael for about a year (If even that), but feel like we've been friends a long time. I'm really not the type of person to talk to people if I haven't known them for very long, but I know that Rachael is a really good person... She even said the same thing... She said that she didn't know why but... "I can tell that you're a good person, and I know that I can trust you." It felt nice to hear something like that, especially because I really do think that I'm a horrible person... not openly... just sometimes I can be really selfish and I hate myself for it...

Anyway... Thanks, Rachael. You're a good person too, and I trust you.

She asked me what my impression of her was when we first met she said, "I used to think that you were ignoring me because you didn't like me." I was not ignoring her! I'm just a shy person, besides I didn't think that she liked me! (Heh...)

Now... I'm coming clean. I'm going to tell Mysta how much I really hate her... It's about time that someone showed her how manipulative she really is and that she really isn't the only one with problems. (She really acts like that, I'm not joking!) She lies to me, acts like someone she's not, she seeks attention and will do anything thing to get it, she's selfish, annoyingly boy crazy, and she's my friend... I'm not just doing this for me. I'm doing this for the whole school, and that includes even her. Watch out, I'm coming Mysta.

I hope that no one will get hurt, but I don't think I've ever hated anyone more in my entire life. Actually, I don't hate people. After my friend told me she hated me in the 6th grade, I realized how strong the word Hate really is... My friend, Jenny, told me, "Dislike is the opposite of Like, and Hate is the opposite of Love." After the incident in the 6th grade I decided that I wouldn't hate anyone... no matter how bad they are, but Mysta... she's the friend that told me she hated me. I had never felt so hurt in my entire life... yesterday I asked her about it and she didn't even remember... that's when I decided "I'll change things." And I will.

Starting Tuesday things will be different, and I'm making sure of that.

Until we meet again under the blue moon,

Alex

Currently Listening To:
The Kill - 30 Seconds To Mars

Introduction

Current Mood: Trippy

My name is Alex, but because of the abundance of people named Alex I go by Alyce. Call me whichever you most prefer.
I'm a teenager not much different from any other. I like listening to music, watching tv... Well, just look at my interests.

Not too long ago I started what's called a "Space" on MSN for my messenger friends to read, but no one really even knows it exists. I'm just going to post my first blog from there onto here due to my laziness.

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Alright. I suppose that I shall see how this works.
Not many people know this, but I have a passion for blogging. No one knows this because no one on MySpace has taken the time to read my blog. :P So I figured maybe, just maybe, some of my MSN friends might take a little gander at what I have in my mind.

Some of the blog that I add might just be copied and pasted from my MySpace, but considering how much I hate that sight... Maybe not. All will be revealed in time.

For those of you already getting bored, this blog is more for me than it is for you. I enjoy looking back on what I've written without having to keep it in a diary and hide it from everyone. Hence the reason why it's all out here for you to read. I'm not the type of person who likes to hide things, so chances are I'll pour out my whole life in this blog for you to read without even really thinking about it.

So my time as an MSN blogger has reached it's beginning. Shall I call it my birth? Hmm... Interesting thought.

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Does that help you understand me a bit? Not really? Well, all in time...

Until We Meet Again Under the Blue Moon,
A.S.H.
(Alyce Shayne Heart)

Currently Listening To:
LDN - Lily Allen